Speaking of depression ...

by easyreader1970 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  Open mind

  Easyreader said:

  I feel like my brain is going to explode more an more after every meeting.

  Have you met with a mental health professional at all? As an alternative, do you at least have a real, live, breathing human being you can vent to?

  I am in a similar situation, but, IMHO, coping fairly well. Then again, I have a pretty good support structure in place. JWD, a couple of trusted co-workers, a long-time DFed sibling, and, recently, my oldest daughter has turned the corner on "true belief" in the JWs and we are able to speak candidly.

  If you are going to pursue the long, slow, road, you've GOT to stay strong and stable for everyone in your family. Get whatever help it takes to achieve that. If it's not working for you, then the long, slow road may not be for you. It's certainly not for everyone.

  Feel free to PM me anytime.

  om
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  Awakened at Gilead

  I can't imagine living a double life like that ER1970... I agree that it takes its toll emotionally and physically.

  How do you know your wife will leave you? Why do you think you will lose your kids? Isn't it worse for your kids to be raised in the "truth" when you can teach them about the lies? If your wife really loves you, she will not leave. If she leaves, she doesn't really love you, and your marriage is not worth fighting for, since she is willing to sacrifice it on the WTS altar.

  You only have one life to live. You have the right to live it as you see fit and enjoy it. You have the right to teach your kids that there is a wonderful non-WT world out there.

  And if you lose 6 million "friends", you have the potential to make 6 billion friends who won't judge you for what you believe in. That's a no-brainer. I've made more friends in the past 6 months that I had in years as a JW....

  Take the leap, if you can, and "get a firm grip on the real life"

  A@G (IMHO)
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  Texasgurl

  I have to agree with [email protected] your wife did leave you, that would be hard, but sad because of where her devotion lay, not to God but to those controlling her life. :( Your kids on the other hand, will experience things with you they never experienced before. I speak to this with first hand experience. I was able to leave along with my husband, we have since divorced and I am still happier than I ever was and do more with my kids than I ever did! I have also made more friends, more friends I can trust, more who truly care and are not looking for the next "concern" to go to the elders about. I am free, it's a wonderful feeling. I didn't do it till I was 31, and I was raised a JW. That meant losing my family and all the superficial friends I had made most of my life. My mom cried, my dad was more embarrassed than anything(he's an elder) and my brothers are trying to keep my parents approval......but, I was still happier than before.
  
  You will find the strength to do it. It's like a bungee jump, it's so hard to do it, but once you do, you are happy and free!
  
  As for your mental state, please do talk to someone who can at least help you with a nice seratonin boost.....(maybe medication) They may not understand what you have been through, but feeling better, even with some help, can help you find your inner strength that you can't tap into right now.
  
  Happy Thoughts for you,
  
  Texasgurl
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  still_in74

  I've been dealing with major depression for the past year and a half or so. Of course, the main suggestion for dealing with this is to see a mental health professional. For me, that's pretty much a waste of time (and money) because I know what the problem is.

  It's that I can't mentally stand being one of Jehovah's Witnesses (I despise the organization) and I feel like my brain is going to explode more an more after every meeting. I ask myself if I would be less depressed if my wife and all of my immediate family left me and I was demonized by my wife to the children as a vile apostate who is going to be ripped to pieces by Jehovah. In addition to being separated from my wife and children, I'd also lose my mother and sister as well. I'd be alone in the universe.

  So I choose to stay within the Organization suffering mentally while I still have my family ties.

  take the kids out of the equasion and you have my life right now to the "T"- my problem is my wife WANTS kids. She hates the fact that I keep putting her off but she doesnt know that I just cant raise a kid in a cult. - ER, I hope you find your answer. When you do, you mind sharing it with me?

  Still...........
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  jaguarbass

  Everyones got to fight for their right to party. There will be no calvary rushing in to rescue you on this one.

  You pay your money and take your chances.

  When I was 31 years old in 1984, I saw and heard enough and was suffering enough because of the witnessess. I told my wife and witness family I was never going to the meetings again and not to ever talk to me as a witness. My son was 10 years old.

  He started playing sports baseball, soccer, wrestling, he missed a lot of meetings.

  My wife kept going to the meetings for about 10 years, that gave me time to myself on tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. I made a lot of motorcycle buddies and did a lot of riding.

  10 years latter my wife saw I hadnt really changed, I still went to work, I didnt cheat on her and she quit going to the meetings.

  My son went into the navy got a bachelors degree in business and also is a registered nurse and a realestate investor and salesperson. He pretty much stopped going to meetings by the time he was 10 and a half.

  I was depressed when I was a witness and I'm still depressed maybe because I was a witness and didnt get an education, maybe I am just the kind of person that thinks a lot and gets depressed.

  Whats not to be depressed about you live and you die and the JW's tripped many of us comming out of the starting blocks in a way that we will never recover.

  But I have at least 5 more hours a week to myself and If I dont like the BS I'm hearing I can flip the page, change the channel or surf to the next topic.

  As long as you know your making a choice, you must like the choice your making.

  Lifes not black and white like the Dubs taught us there are various shades of comfort and appeal.

  So if you are too afraid to change, and its understandable, then be happy and make the best of it. Because no one gets out alive and there is not pot of gold in the kingdumb hall and there is no pot of gold outside of it.

  Your child may be devestated if you leave.

  Your child may also be devestated if someone they love dies because they didnt take a blood transfusion and then has a lucid moment and realizes that they belonged to a cult that sacraficed their loved one. Just like the ancient pagans.
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  jgnat

  Depression could be described as anger turned inward. I don't think anyone should live like they are trapped. This is where a third party could help. They could help you find the escape route, alternatives, that you haven't seriously considered yet.

  Here's some ideas.

  Draft up an escape plan in your head. Even if you plan it over several years, it will give your poor brain a direction to go.

  Broaden your social network to include regular people. Then you won't be alone in the universe no matter what.

  And, seriously, medication could help.
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  jgnat

  P.S. My son endured his prison sentence by giving himself assignments every week for the day he would walk out of there. It kept insidious boredom at bay and gave him hope.

  People die from lack of hope. Have hope.
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  horrible life

  You can loosely put depression into 2 categories.

  1. A chemical imbalance

  2. Circumstances of your life, make you feel low, or despondent.

  You can take antidepressants for the chemical imbalance.

  The meds that would help with the latter, would be related to sleeping pills. You don't need them. I know, I am the queen of antidepressants.

  My father had his life turned upside down, with taking care of my mother, and the financial and physical burden, she has imposed on him. He was depressed, and cried at times. He couldn't cope. He went to the Dr. to get antidepressants, Dr. said no.

  It was #2, not #1. The Dr. ordered him to get help for mom and buy a back support for himself. He looked like he had scoliosis. Lifting a 200 pound dead-weight was and is hard. She wouldn't even help. It hurt for her to raise her arms to far. So she didn't. Now she can't even raise a toe. She is a self inflicted quadriplegic. But Jehovah will make her all better soon!!

  I feel for you. I like FHN's post, but I can also see that Jehovah comes first to most. Maybe pick something from the meeting, and say it really bothers you, and research it together? I don't know, but meds are not the answer I don't think.
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  jam

  I encourage you to see a mental health pro. When i left the borg. I was a mental wreck. What made my mental state of mind so bad, I was suffering from PTSD from vietnam when I became witness.So after leaving the witness and my family abandoned me I was devastated. Any stress in my life would cause me to pass out for hours on end, it was a terrible time in my life. I lost my job, I became a introvert, I could not leave the house alone. That was 10 yers ago. Just like you said I knew what cause my anxieties but I needed help. The VA mental health help me with the PTSD and he also help me with the leaving the borg. If you drink , stop....that makes matters worst. I lost my wife and four kids.Today I have a new loving wife and three of my kids we have a good relationship. There was a time before I cut complete ties with borg. I was trying too be reinstated. Big mistake, my anxieties where worst. When I begain my visits with the psychologist only then did my life begain moving in a right direction.
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  Mickey mouse

  I felt the same...head going to explode, depression etc.

  Professional counseling has helped me. My husband knows the score now. I still attend meetings but my counselor gave me some ideas of strategies to cope and it has really improved my situation. You need a goal, a game plan. I have chosen the long road and am working on my family from the inside. You need help and support if you're going to do that.

  Every meeting I remind myself that I'm there to support my husband. If I didn't go I know he would experience more pressure and I am trying to allow him time to figure things out for himself. My counselor says it's important to remember why you're doing things.