in vain for:
1) a telephone call?
2) a reply to a letter or e-mail?
3) reciprocated love?
4) other?
If so, how did you deal with the "apparent" snub or, more charitably, oversight.
Thanks and really wanting to know.
CoCo
Have you ever waited ...
by compound complex 20 Replies latest jw friends
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mouthy
Yes to all those !!what did I do? Cried for days, then realized they didnt like me so forget it....I only go back in memory to think on it sometimes, I just think on them now & again & hope they are fine & well.
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compound complex
Thanks, Grace, the voice of experience. After the years of tears to all of the above, I developed a perspective. It's a work in progress. I think!
Gratefully,
CoCo
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megs
Hi CoCo... Most definitely I've dealt with all of the above. Although I rationalise it and say that it's their loss, ultimately it has resulted in my having very low self-esteem.
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*summer*
Yes, all of the above.
But to be fair and square, I must admit I have also been guilty of not returning a phone call, email or letter. Most often claiming being too busy. Which is SO not fair.
How do I deal with all this??? It depends on the mood and circumstances. But it ranges from tears to guilt to low self esteem...name it!
And it reminds me that I have an unanswered pm somewhere...je me sens tellement coupable tout d'un coup:(
Merci pour le rappel, Coco~
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compound complex
it has resulted in my having very low self-esteem.
I understand, megs. Me, too.
The perspective I mentioned above results from assessing my own attitudes and behavior, especially when I was younger and not so considerate of others' needs. Sometimes it truly was circumstances that kept someone from getting back to me. The message may not have been conveyed from the one picking up the phone message, the e-mail got sent to junk mail and was deleted, a letter was intercepted by a family member not friendly to me, etc. Of course, I didn't always learn the real reasons right away, if at all. But all three of the aforementioned are real occurrences.
Bottom line, don't let it dampen your spirits and prevent your light from shining. It seems we're all in the process of starting over, making new friends, developing new families and adopting a cheerier and more realistic outlook on life. Golly, I'm still reinventing CoCo!
Cheers, love and thanks, Megs!
CoCo
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*summer*
Today is such a BAD day
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Finally-Free
What you described was the order of the day, every day, for most of my life. My self esteem was nonexistent. It ended 5 years ago when I left the cult, and I made a conscious decision that I won't permit that shit any more. If someone shuns me they'd better be certain that's what they want, because I'll hold them to it. By shunning me they've displayed a personality characteristic that I despise, and I won't tolerate it in my life. I've wasted too much of my life, and am not prepared to be anyone's emotional yo-yo again.
Over the years I've learned that I can't make anyone like me. Either they do or they don't. I'm a bit off the wall, and perhaps an acquired taste, and I won't try to change that to please anyone. First and foremost, I must like and respect myself. Everyone else is secondary. I've also learned that my overall quality of life doesn't depend on anyone's opinion of me unless I permit it.
I don't have many friends, but the few I have are pretty damned good.
W
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AK - Jeff
Yes.
I have a sense of deep personal committment to a couple of people still in the organization. I have been able to cut most ties without a great deal of personal pain, but not all. In both cases, I seem to be able to 'get away with' sending an email or two. But forget getting a reply often or in any depth from either of them.
In one case, I have begun to send just one email every few months, short and sweet and telling a little about what is going on in my life [hoping to get the same in return]. The reply is always just one or two sentences, not unkind, but never a greeting or closing salutation [perhaps a fear of violating the WTS ban on 'saying a greeting to such a man'?]. I don't push it beyond that, because I have in the past and been demanded to 'Take me off your contact list'. Nonetheless, we were super good friends thru all our lives, and it is telling that my emails have not been blocked, and so I keep hoping that she will open up and speak to me frankly. I believe she is disgruntled with the organization by the tone of her most recent email to me a few months back.
The other is my cousin, who was my best friend for 35 or 40 years of our lives. He sometimes allows me to contact him by email - but then after a while he just cuts me off, won't reply, and let's me get totally frustrated on my end. I am currently in that mode with him. Typically, even when he is replying to me, it is curt and just a line or two. I keep thinking I am getting across to him the need for us to meet face to face and hash out my leaving, and he just finally hits a wall and won't communicate for months again.
I don't know if I will ever get over these two. These people are the ones that I would honestly have stepped in front of a bullet to defend. I love them with intensity. I have lost all the rest - and frankly for most of them it is not that big a loss. But I still weep sometimes over these two. My list of personal, close friends is pretty short. But I am moving on, making a few new friends over time. I have noted that I have used a great deal of my energy in promoting family friendship and love. That is a good thing.
I look around and realize that many people don't have a lot of friends, especially after the age of 50 or 55. I am not alone in that - and it derives from many things, not just exit from a cult. Still, as a witness we were always surrounded by those we thought were friends - even though we know now that they were not. So we tend to think that our circle is so small. It may not be particularly smaller than others of our age, it just seems so because we were used to having 'ready made friends' whereever we went.
Good luck to you CoCo as you deal with this. Nothing fun about it - but it looks like a pretty common problem among those of us who survived this cult experience.
Jeff
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Hope4Others
Yes to all but there is a need to realize that their are always extended circumstances that
people don't reply right away. Most times its not as bad as it seems, and sometimes we think the worst. Try to keep busy
and remember to keep positive & happy life's never as it seems sometimes. Its great!
h40