10 Things You'll Never Hear at a Kingdom Hall (page 3)

COMF

"But, hey... don't take our word for it..."

"Masturbation is natural. It's simply another form of the same function that takes place during a wet dream."

"Brothers: back in 1973, Brother X was disfellowshipped for saying that he didn't believe the end was coming in 1975. Brother X is hereby reinstated with all attendant privileges, and the Watchtower Society, the governing body, the entire surviving annointed remnant and the local body of elders extend their sincere apologies for treating him so arrogantly, and for "running ahead of Jehovah" by assuming they ever knew what the hell they were talking about with that idiotic 1975 crap."

"I'm going to list the classic signs of a cult, as documented by well-known author and cult-victim deprogrammer, Steven Hassan. It's wise to examine any organization you are associated with--any organization--to see if they practice all or even some of these."

COMF

Missie Eff

Breathing

crownboy

"That's a great beard you have there brother. Maybe I'll grow one."

Go therefore and baptize the people in the name of the father and of the son... what the hell, we just need to bring up the yearbook numbers!

rhett

Orgy in the backroom!!!!
Wait a minute, 608 b.c., oh sh.......
Blood pudding anyone?
Everyone sign up for the blood drive next week!
Man, I wish I could get into the cleaning business.
Two people who are still elders got married (take that to mean there are no women elders or gay guys allowed).
And this chart shows how man has evolved over the millenia.
Man, this food sucks! (said after eating at the memorial)
Somehow I thought Jesus would taste better.

I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven.

julien

Before the meeting:
"Why are you putting that magazine money in the contribution box?? You already donated for them at the literature counter!"

Comments I'd like to hear:
"Excuse me but everything you just said is bullshit"
"What would happen if Jehovah resurrected me (create a copy with my memories) while I am still alive?"

In literature:
"It is our opinion that..."
"We feel is is likely that..."
"Note that this new understanding represents a change from the former understanding which was printed in xxx xxx 19xx issue. We deeply regret any harm this has caused to anyone."

ISP

...This month another 'x'publishers became inactive...Bro Y. DA'd himself....congratulations!

ISP

ozziepost

"All who believe in the Lord Jesus are invited to share in the Lord's Evening Meal."

"Committee? What's that?"

Cheers,
Ozzie

"It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
Anonymous

GentlyFeral

"I, David, take thee, Jonathan, to be my husband..."

Gently Feral

"There were cockroaches of course,
but very clean cockroaches."
-- Julia Vinograd

bsmart

Bump!

GLTirebiter

"...baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost"

(Matthew 28:19, KJV)

10 Things You'll Never Hear at a Kingdom Hall

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