Does anyone have any idea what to do?

by BonaFide 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • BonaFide
    BonaFide

    A sister called me last night very upset. She knows that my family is avoiding me because of my questions and "doubts' about the organiation. But we are still sort of friends. She lives with her JW roommate. She has been baptized for six years, she is about 30 yrs old.

    I have told her about some of the inconsistiencies in the publications and policies. She said that JW is Jehovah's Organization and that we shouldn't worry about the details. She also said she will be loyal to the Organization no matter what.

    But last night when she called, she said that yesterday she woke up, went to the meeting, commented, then just came home. She cried, she said she feels so empty and she knows that others don't feel empty. In her congregation there are several second and third generation Witnesses, who seem pretty happy, raising their families in the Truth. She was not raised in the "truth" and she is pretty savvy. She can see through hypocrisy. Almost all in her Hall are families. So since no one invites her anywhere hardly, she gets upset. She takes out the older ones, and those that have limited social skills, but then she has no one.

    But she still sticks with it. She is so depressed all the time, but the more depressed she gets, the more she seems to stick with the organization.

    Frustrating to hear her cry on and on. I wish I could help her. I know the one about "She will leave the organization when she is ready", but until she is ready for that, any other ideas?

    BF

  • AudeSapere
    AudeSapere

    My first response would be: Be her friend. Invite her to do simple, harmless things like walks or hiking or coffee and keep the conversation on things other than jw and religion.

    But... It seems I remember that you have a history with witness women that may give her a wrong idea. I think it would be a big mistake to allow any hint of romantic interest while she is still in the org.

    So I guess that leaves me with: No comment. (Should have just backed out of the thread.)

    -Aude.

  • BonaFide
    BonaFide

    Aude, you have a good memory. It's just sad because she can see all this hypocrisy, but she won't even consider that the Organization may be not all it says it is.

    BF

  • yknot
    yknot

    I agree just be her friend.....

    As you already know us gals are talkers... Our process is to talk ourselves into figuring out what we feel and believe...

    SO be a good listener. Make her comfortable about discussing what is plaguing her mind..... leading her some but still allowing her to use her own discernment.

    It is a big scary world once you start to disconnect out of the borg......(and it is practically all trinitarian- which is a major hang-up)

    Why not ask yourself what you would do if you had the freedom to leave without family loss...... and proceed gently into selling her on the idea of how lucky she is to be able to leave without consequence.

    I agree with Aude about keeping things platonic.....unless you want them to not be platonic....

  • mustang
    mustang

    About 20 years ago, I took my visiting parents to a session of a DC @ Dodger Stadium. I took off for lunch for most of the sessions but during intermission was sitting alone and minding my own business. A "sister" (who I obviously had never seen before) came up to me and GOT PHYSICAL. I was dressed neatly, "business casual", no tie. I had longer hair than is JW acceptable, but not excessive.

    These ladies are DESPERATE!!!

    And WTS has no answer except 'hang in there'. With the bad ratios of men to women, I'm dubious of the old prayer cure-all.

    This brings up a question I have had recently from a lady who is an ex and has recently 'bagged a man': can you be disciplined for marrying an unbeliever (UBM syndrome)?

    I replied that you have a worse problem: they are supposedly cracking down on inactive people like us.

    I haven't been to meetings in ~35 years (~8840 meetings); she has been to a meeting or 2 in the last 10 years; but that's about it 2 meetings out of 2600 (5 x 52 x 10).

    So which is worse 'marrying out of the troof' or being inactive for massive amounts of time?

    Frankly, I have seen an extremely active ex-Bethelite get DF'd, and come back married to a non-JW. She just goes to the meetings with him and totally shrugs it off. I'm surprised that he did that, with the boy-girl ratio favoring guys in Dubdom.

    I would suggest that she finds somebody wherever-however, take him to the altar and let the chips fall where they may. They will take her back, sooner or later, if she doesn't wake up.

    Mustang

  • Hope4Others
    Hope4Others

    I certainly agree with Aude's point....

    My first response would be: Be her friend. Invite her to do simple, harmless things like walks or hiking or coffee and keep the conversation on things other than jw and religion.

    And just be careful..

    H40

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