Update on me

BonaFide

Well, in the past couple of months the elders still havent met with me again regarding the Porneia accusation. Either they are waiting for the circuit overseer visit next week to ask them what to do, or they wrote to Bethel, or the sister decided not to lie anymore, I am not sure. But seems like the elders are really after me.

But I am still giving talks and commenting, although I am not asked to pray for the congregation. Two of the elders are nice to me, one avoids me completely.

My family is ignoring me more and more, they heard the rumors I had sinned, I guess, and plus I said a bunch of questions they think are apostate. I see them all the time in my JW apartment complex, but I have to say hi first, then they barely say hi. That has to be the weirdest thing of all. My brother told me that our mom talks to him more than me, twenty years of him being shunned, now its me. What a terrible thing we did to him for so many years.

I just hate going to the meetings and sitting there with that weird gross feeling of "are they going to talk to me after the meeting in the back room?" When the elders get up and go back there I think its about me.

I know some of you will criticize this, or say to suck it up, but there is no way you can understand unless you were born into the organization. Your entire family and friends believe that they are doing the best thing for you. I was loyal to the death for so many years. I never had any friends outside the organization. And now when I realize things, they turn on me, and they think its the right thing. I keep on thinking of that short story, "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson.

At least my job is going good, I am making good money. $5,000 last month after taxes, that is really good money for me anyway. I was always broke before. Other than that, wow this is so hard to deal with. I wonder if when they finally talk to me I should tell them to put any accusations in writing, the elders' book says that on page 110. When I was a C.O. and elder, I only saw one brother do that.

BF

BabaYaga

BonaFide said, "I know some of you will criticize this, or say to suck it up, but there is no way you can understand unless you were born into the organization."

All too many of us understand all too well.

Strength to you.

Love,
Baba.

yknot

LOL I have a meeting with the CO next week!

Take things one step at a time. I found this site a year ago and I am still carefully tap-dancing for family sake. It doesn't get easier spiritually but all born-ins are trained to perform. Just pretend you are in DC drama, or giving an experience. Smile, highlight, nod but become increasingly busy with work......... (if the CO doesn't meet with you can be mean and....start actively 'reaching out' with new found zeal and fudged FS hours just to keep 'em of guard)

Keep reading the scripures(comparing translations) as they will constantly be changing in meaning with every step mentally away from the WTS.

Congrats on doing well this month! Put some aside to find a new residence and use the rest to ENROLL IN SCHOOL !!!!

You can do your basics online.

Best Wishes in Keeping Sane

no more kool aid

Bonafide, I get it I am a born in. My whole family is in. I have shunned my family that is out for so long I am sure they want nothing to do with me ( why should they?) The only thing I have is a husband (born in) that feels the same way I do and a couple of mixed up little kids. We stopped going to meetings and service in the spring tried to fade ,but it just reached a critical mass and I could not go one more time (husband went a few more times). I really don't know how you keep going when you know what you do. Do you realize that you will have to keep up the facade "the rest of your life" to keep your family happy? Look, now you are jumping through the hoops and they are still not happy with you. What a waste of time! I totally agree with a previous poster, go back to school. I did a few years ago and it really helps, keep pouring yourself into work. I agree $5,000 a mo is great! Enjoy it! Know that I am thinking good thoughts for you!

crazyblondeb

Too many of us here do know where you are at. Do what you have to do for YOU!!

And know we are all here for you!!

shelley

leavingwt

The Shawshank Redemption: "Get busy living or get busy dying."

From the time you KNOW it's not God's organization, until you leave, it's pure torture. Each person's circumstances are unique.

Only you can decide what's the best timetable/strategy for leaving.

-LWT

Farkel

bonafide,

Something doesn't smell right to me. Of course, it could just be me.

You said:

:I know some of you will criticize this, or say to suck it up, but there is no way you can understand unless you were born into the organization. Your entire family and friends believe that they are doing the best thing for you. I was loyal to the death for so many years. I never had any friends outside the organization. And now when I realize things, they turn on me, and they think its the right thing. I keep on thinking of that short story, "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson.

CO's (which you claim to have been) NEVER act like this. They are arrogant assholes and you look wimpy and afraid.

: At least my job is going good, I am making good money. $5,000 last month after taxes, that is really good money for me anyway. I was always broke before.

Something fishy about that, too. I just don't know what. WHO CARES what you are making per month "after taxes?" And what does that have to do with you so-called "problem?"

: Other than that, wow this is so hard to deal with.

I never met a CO who would talk or write like that.

:I wonder if when they finally talk to me I should tell them to put any accusations in writing, the elders' book says that on page 110.

I've met CO's who had grammar as bad as that statement above, but nearly all of them would not say "the elders' book." They would say the "Flock" book or the "Pay Attention" book, but NOT "the elders' (sic) book.

: When I was a C.O. and elder, I only saw one brother do that.

When you were a CO (not a C.O.) you were ALSO an elder, unless you meant you were a CO and then later became demoted to a mere elder in a congo. I assume you meant Circuit Overseer and NOT Congregational Overseer, who is now called a PO which stands for "Pissed Off."

I still smell something fishy here.

I could be wrong.

Farkel

purplesofa

I have posted before that I think BonaFide is not telling the truth.

oh well,

purps

edited to add:

Circuit Overseer? Hmmmm
That's what I'm saying.
I am not usually so bold to come right out and say it, but I think you are a liar.
purps

he said this when he did not know what to say in an elders meeting

So I start thinking about all my "privileges." I went to MTS, took 600 pages of notes, went to my assignment, I am still serving under the MTS program. I was a C.O. for a few years until my circumstances changed. But I mean all those meetings, and appointments and Pioneer Schools and KM schools, and meetings with the D.O. and Judicial Committees, I mean this has been my WHOLE LIFE.
and you don't know what to say in a meeting?
purps

oompa

on the day i first fully and completly woke up, I had just kicked my CO's ass in an elders meeting....(verbally, and scriptually), and then he said "and no brudda oompa....I have NEVER met anyone else like you!!!"...........I love that line..........................oompa

BonaFide

It was a big deal to me to make that kind of money.

Anyway, the reason I don't sound like other C.O.'s is because I was sent at 23 to be a missionary. In other countries, the circuit overseer has to be young, its just too hard a life for older brothers. There is no car that they give you, I rode the bus for two years, then I finally got a car.

But if any of you still doubt me, you can always PM me and I will be glad to give you any detail you want.

I do appreciate the support many of you have given me and also the phone conversations.

BF

Update on me

Share this