Pioneering

by ItsJustMe 16 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ItsJustMe

  Just out of curiosity, was anyone here ever a pioneer? What motivated you to pioneer? What made you get off the list? Do you regret it? Do you think you accomplished any good doing it?

  I was a pioneer. I was motivated to do it for a couple of different reasons. First, I never felt like I was going to make it through Armageddon and figured the best I could do would be to help other people live through it. Secondly, all of my friends were pioneering when I orginally signed up, although by the time September came around, 3 of them had left the organization. Finally, I liked being part of the thick of things -being a sister pioneering was really the only way to be actively involved in anything.

  I got off the list because I enjoyed my job and wanted to work full-time. We needed the money, since my husband and I were both pioneering. Believe it or not, I financially supported him in his pioneering for a couple of months until he decided to get off the list too. We didn't want to live in a cheap apartment for the rest of our lives.

  I don't regret it -- I actually had spiritual conversations in service. Not too many breaks, either, believe it or not. I actually had to fight to stop for lunch. I learned a lot from the people I met in the ministry, too. I was curious about their beliefs.

  As for accomplishing any good, I don't think I impacted anyone with my zealous ministry.

  One more question ---- have you ever driven up to service arrangements, seen the car of a brother or sister you don't particularly like, and just kept on driving?

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  closer2fine

  I started pioneering right after I graduated high school. I did it because it was expected and I didn't have anything else going on. (I was working full time - but that was it)

  I completed my first year and by default entered my second year. My heart wasn't in it. I didn't believe in it, I never prayed in my life, I knew that I just didn't have the right "heart-condition", my days out in service were seemingly endless, and I was sick about it. I never had any productive calls (I couldn't bring myself to encourage anyone to join). I used to show up 2-3 minutes before every service meeting - so that if a brother wasn't present I wouldn't have to conduct and say the prayer (I was afraid because I never prayed myself)

  I spoke with the elders about my feelings and not praying. I told them I didn't believe it was the truth and had serious questions and a total lack of spirituality and faith. They told me they understood, but that it was important to continue in Jehovah's work. I cried and said that I needed help to be a better person and they said that they couldn't meet with me for a few months because they were busy with others in the hall who had a greater need (my dad was an elder, and as an elders daughter I guess I wasn't taken that seriously) They wouldn't honor my request to be taken off the list, they felt it would be better if I continued so Jehovah could help me.

  After that meeting, my non-right-conditioned-heart was broken. I stopped making my hours and thought this would force them to deal with me. No such luck. After a few months went by they met with me again and agreed to take me off the list. That was it.

  So I just faded and no one checked on me.

  closer
  
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  FormerOne

  I pioneered after high school pretty much because it was expected of me. I had two sisters who were pioneers and I didn't want to disappoint anybody. I did a lot of things in 'the truth' to make other people happy.

  When I got engaged and my fiance fell ill, I used the financial hardship as an excuse. Truth was, I never really enjoyed pioneering and was happy to be able to stop.

  I think too much pressure was put on young people at the time to pioneer right out of high school rather than work or (heaven forbid!) go to college. I'm sure I'm not the only one who did it just because I felt I had to.
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  joelbear

  I was a pioneer for about 2 years sandwiching in another 7 months at the Watchtower Farms.

  I started pioneering because I wanted to go to Bethel. I was accepted to Bethel about 2 months after I started pioneering.

  I loved Bethel service. I enjoyed my work there. I was stunned by the bureaucracy I saw, but I basically ignored it because I was very very happy.

  Unfortunately, keeping busy in the work of the Lord at Bethel, didn't keep me from falling in love with a young black brother (see Lisa we do have something in common) named Rick. I was young and foolish and horny as hell and one snowy night in early December of 1978 I told him how I felt about him. Well, that was it for my Bethel career although the elders on my Dismissal Committee did think I would one day again make a fine pioneer. And so I did. About 4 months after I got home from Bethel, I started pioneering again. My goal was basically to go back to Bethel, silly idealistic me.

  I enjoyed my Bible studies very much. I had 7 of them going at one time once, 4 of which went to the hall with me one Sunday (1. A young soldier who I had convinced to leave the military, 2. A 75 year old woman who lived at home and was perhaps the sweetest human being I have ever met after my mother, 3. A man with cerebral palsy 4. A rich Catholic Phillipino lady who was living with her daughter and air force son-in-law for a while (I think she may have been Imelda Marcos in disguise, she had tons of pictures of herself with movie stars, government types, etc) It was quite the crew I showed up with in my old beat up Chevrolet Impala (Myrtle the turtle as she was affectionately known by me and my Pioneer partners).

  I became disallusioned with some teachings and stopped going over some passages of the Truth book with my bible studies. But, I had no idea what to do with my life. I was in utter confusion and distraught from being dismissed from Bethel. Sigh, too complicated to explain, but anyway, I hung in there until one night my dad came home drinking and told me I had to go to work for him washing Tracker Trailer trucks.

  I stopped pioneering and left home a few months later.

  I enjoyed teaching. I loved return visits. I hated door to door work. I enjoyed the fun silly times I had with my pioneer partners (the Zeitz sisters) who were never on time, EVER, for anything, LOL.

  I hated the pressure I put on myself to prove that I was worthy to return to Bethel. Sigh. My poor broken heart ached to see Rick again, but I never did.

  Joel
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  NameWithheld

  I did it 'cause I was young and it was the only way my parents would allow me some freedoms - my own car, no one to answer to during those times I was supposed to be out in the field. In other words, being out in FS was better then being stuck at home. Also, all the other kids were doing it And finally because it made me look better to the congo. Like you said, was a way to try and get into the think of things, though I still always seemed to be excluded from much anyway.

  I got off because it was so freaking hellasious, boring, stressful, repetative. Also because I wanted to work and make some money. And because I felt hypocritical being out in FS when I hated it more than I could say. And the fact that the last 2 years of my pioneering I was out for long 10 hours days alone - fun fun fun! All the other pioneers were freaks. And I felt it was a useless waste of time, which it was.

  Do I regret it? I don't know. I wish I had been in school instead. It did acomplish goal #1, getting out of the house. But once that novelty wore off the downside was worse than being stuck at home.

  As for driving up and leaving when seeing which cars where there - you'd better beleive it!!!! I ran like a scalded dog. Or sometimes was purposfully 'late' so as to miss the arranged meeting ...
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  BobsGirl

  I pioneered for several years. My family had a very long history in the organization and it was expected. I was also desperately trying to find some joy. I didn't. I really intended to say more ... but this subject is making me really sad, and I can't quite put my finger on why. I think those years were among the loneliest of my life .... I felt hopeless. I am so grateful to be in a much different place today!

  BobsGirl

  "May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi
  
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  Mulan

  I had always wanted to become a regular pioneer, but kept having babies, and I was not one who wanted to raise my children in the back seat of a car. When my youngest was in about third grade, I was looking at computers (286 types) and told my hubby about what I wanted to buy. He said this "If you have time to learn how to work a computer, then you could pioneer." So I decided he was right. I had been a regular auxiliary pioneer for a few years, so make my goal, for when to start and did. I really enjoyed the first year, probably an emotional high. Pioneer school was a disappointment, but I wouldn't admit that. One of the young pioneers, who rode with me everyday, after the first week said "I can't believe that this is all it is." All of us thought she had such a bad attitude. Looking back, I can see she was right.

  I continued for another year, and part of a third year. I had developed chronic fatigue syndrome (told about in another thread), and it was just getting so hard to make the 90 hours. My husband and I had the goal of going into International Construction after our son got out of school, so I thought I had to keep pioneering so we would qualify for that assignment. He went to Bethel a couple of times a year to work on their construction projects, and was more and more disillusioned, to the point that he told me we were NOT going to apply for International work, and that he wanted to resign as an elder. He was already learning many new things, and not sharing with me.

  So, after the third year of pioneering was under way (about three months) I finally broke. I was TOTALLY and completely burned out. I am a good cook, and homemaker, and everything at home, that meant a lot to me, was deteriorating, because I was out riding around in a car all day, writing down not at homes. I told my family and my close friends that I was sick of making "throw it together" meals because I was sitting in a car all day, and rarely talked to anyone, unless I was on a study. I had several studies, and my husband and I did too, together, and those were the only things that kept me from having a nervous breakdown, over the complete waste of time that it was. (most of them progressed to baptism too........we are responsible for many dubs in the Borg today)

  Do I regret pioneering? Absolutely! It was the most incredible waste of years I can remember.

  Did I accomplish any good, doing it? I doubt it very much. I want those years back, and my childhood too!!

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
  
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  betweenworlds

  Tried Auxilliary pioneering (The pioneer lite version, LOL) For like 3 months in a row and decided I HATED it. I know this is completely shallow, but the only reason I even attempted it was not because of any great spiritual compassion for "those sighing and moaning in this time of the end" and I felt a dire need to save them. But it was because there was a bro who I thought was mighty fine at the time. LOL. Deep down the whole thing (JW doctrine) NEVER made much sense to me right from the time I was little. I would be at a door spouting some JW rhetoric and my sub-concious was saying to me at the same time "What the hell are you doing here, when you don't believe this crap yourself? Of course it took me years and many tears to realize that's what was going on. For a looong time I just walked around feeling guilty cause I didn't feel the same way all these other people who were *strong in the truth* felt. ANYHOW, glad to be out now after way to long in and feeling like a confused freak.

  Betweenworlds

  "Rewards and punishments are the lowest form of education." - Chuang-tzu, Chinese writer (c.369 B.C.-c.286 B.C.).
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  LDH

  Well I bought in because I truly believed the end of the system was just around the corner, and dammit I was saving lives!

  :
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  WHY "AWAKE!" IS PUBLISHED
  AWAKE! is for the enlightenment of the entire family. It shows how to cope with today's problems. It reports the news, tells about people in many lands, examines religion and science. But it does more. It probes beneath the surface and points to the real meaning behind current events, yet it always stays politically nuetral and does not exalt one race over another.

  Most importantly, this magazine builds confidence in the Creator's promise of a peaceful and secure new world before the generation that saw the events of 1914 passes away.
  —AWAKE! 1/8/90

  I wholeheartedly believed that I was being used by Jehovah to save lives! Talk about an overblown sense of self-worth!

  As far as driving past the hall, there was an old brother who used to 'lord it over' the young people. In particular, he would NEVER put my sister or I in the car group with any young brothers. [8>] He would even go to the extreme of assigning them to work territory by themselves, just to avoid putting them with us. He really thought he was some type of surrogate Dad.

  It only took about a year of pio'g with my sister before we started driving right past the hall and going in service by ourselves.

  We kept the mini-market a few doors down in business, all of us young pioneers. Junk food every day, running ourselves into the ground. Cleaning houses like maniacs in the morning, running home to shower and meet with the 12:30 group.

  My god, I'd kill my daughter if she ever thought she was going to spend her life like that.

  Now, as I look back, I see that while 'worldly' parents are able to brag about their childrens REAL accomplishments, all of our parents would talk about how many magazines we placed. This pio'g thing was just an ego booster for our parents.

  Lisa
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  dungbeetle

  I was so afraid of failure that I put in the pioneer hours without signing up for the list--an idea I got from some sisters in another Hall. I remember how proud I was for getting in my hours early and getting a few 'days off' at the end of the month.

  I didn't have a car,and there were some other brothers and sisters in my Hall and some other Halls that didn't ahve cars, and little by little, just like LDH we all stopped going by the Kingdom Hall and started meeting for and going out in service by ourselves. That started a big war between the elder bodies of all the differesnt congregations because some of the elders supported our endeavers and some were really mad at us for not succumbing to Theocratic Order.

  That lasted for a year. Then I got disfellowshipped --that story's in another post. I know at least one other of my 'group'is not a Witness anymore.

  I too, bought into the 'last days' thing and thought I was rescuing people and saving lives. I would have been doing those people a big favor just to have left them alone and painted orange stripes on white baby seals.

  <sigh>

  hugs to all of you on this thread.

  BITE ME, WATCHTOWER!!!