I told these at work today and everyone was in stitches.
Blonde year in review
by John Doe 14 Replies latest social humour
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cameo-d
True story.
Mentioned weather report to friend about jet stream coming through.
She says "well, I guess the chem trails will be bad, huh?"
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mary stewart
HAHA!!!!
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brinjen
A blonde was on vacation and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle on prices' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"!
The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile...
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the bank where he spots the same young woman standing waistdeep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward in great frustration, she shouts out.......
"DAMMIT! THIS ONE ISN'T WEARING ANY SHOES EITHER!!" -
moomanchu
Blonde Degrees
> FIRST DEGREE
>A married couple was asleep
> when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very
> blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment,
> and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from
> here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who
> was that?' The wife answered, 'I don't know,
> some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
>Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact
> on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it,
> looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person
> looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here, let
> me see!' So, the first blonde hands her the
> compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and
> says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
>A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
>so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his
> apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
> she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the
> blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the
> gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
> She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The
> boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do
> it!!!' The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
> A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
> She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me... I know
> 'em all.' A friend says, 'OK, what's the
> capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies,
> 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'
FIFTH DEGREE :
>What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? A: 'Is it mine?'
> SIXTH DEGREE
> Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
> She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
> The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and
> a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to
> respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with
> his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
> shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down
> on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she
> moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions
> stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they
> do? They send me a BLIND COP!'
SEVENTH DEGREE
> Bambi, a blonde in her
> fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
> Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew
> what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered
> the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the
> decision George Washington had to make before he
> crossed the Delaware .'