This morning's syndicated column by Marie G. McIntyre:
"Q. I'm not sure how to handle a new employee whose religious beliefs prevent her from acknowledging Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day or birthdays. In our small business, the owners have always encouraged us to celebrate these holidays.
"This employee won't attend our office Christmas party, but she accepts the Christmas card that contains her annual bonus. She doesn't recognize Easter or Valentine's, but she eats the candy that the owners give us. She leaves the room when we celebrate birthdays, then later returns for a piece of cake.
"This behavior upsets her coworkers, who are starting to act very resentful toward her. They feel that she's being hypocritical, and she should refuse the gifts and treats.
"The employee says that when she was hired, she told the owners she would not be able to participate in holiday celebrations. But now the rest of us feel really down, because we are all having to change for this one person."
Before I go on with what the column said, here is how I would have responded: There are 2 separate issues here--your coworker's legal right to practice her religion, and your coworker's behavior is a violation of social etiquette.
It is perfectly fine for her to not participate in these celebrations for religious reasons, but not to insult others by refusing to participate while they're in the room, only to return after they've left and participate by herself (i.e., eating the cake alone).
Celebration of birthdays and holidays in the workplace are social events that have nothing to do with performance of job duties or work rules. That being the case, it is perfectly fine for her coworkers to handle this in the same manner they would address any other rude behavior she exhibited. They should ensure their communication does not include a criticism of her religious beliefs, but rather her violation of social etiquette by celebrating these events in her own way while rejecting her coworkers' celebrations. Mentioning her choice to accept her bonus would be rude on the coworkers' part; it is none of their business.
But here is how the stupid columnist responded.
"A. Let me get this straight. You're angry because your co-worker follows her religious beliefs, accepts her year-end bonus and eats leftover cake. Doesn't that sound a little petty to you?
"Since you don't say otherwise, I assume that this woman does her job effectively, which is all that really counts. However, her presence has altered your familiar and comfortable office culture. Feeling uneasy about this change is understandable, but attacking your new colleague is childish and deplorable.
"If you worked for a company with Jewish or Muslim owners, how would you react if they required participation in their holiday celebrations? And if you declined for religious reasons, how would you feel if your co-workers ostracised you?
"In reality, the rest of you don't have to 'change for this one person'. You keep celebrating. The truth is that you want her to change by violating her religious beliefs. This is not only unfair to her, but also legally hazardous.
"To develop a more acceptable attitude, this immature office staff needs leadership and guidance from a mature, professional adult. Perhaps that person could be you."
Bad Advice Column-jws & Holidays
by rebel8 4 Replies latest jw friends
-
rebel8
-
lisavegas420
I say she's a hypocrite, and she be called out on her rude behavior.
Having said that, I was guilty of doing many of those things. I do remember working for places that really wanted me to be part of...in fact would go out of the way to call it an "office party" or wrap my Christmas gift with different paper, so as not to offend me.
In my own defense, I'd like to say, that now that I know better, I do better. I try to be the one to volenteer to put the tree up and clean up after parties, and make sure no one feels left out.
lisa
-
Anne
I had a friend ask me about how to handle a Witness at her work place who acted a lot like this. (She asked me because she knew my history.) The advise I gave her was to wait until the witness tried to share her beliefs (witnessing). When they do that "I don't celebrate because it's pagan, blah, blah, blah, state "I appreciate what your saying but it seems like a very unkind religion that tries to suck the joy out of everyday life (insert example)". "I find it difficult when you state you don't celebrate, yet you sneak a piece of cake when we're not looking." Do JW's consider themselves Christians, Muslims, or Jewish, I'm curious? When they say Christian, in flat voice, "Oh, that surprises me." Then let it go, and state the conversation is making you uncomfortable. Make sure this is done in front of other coworkers. The Witness will think twice before bringing up their beliefs and may modify the behavior to be more socially acceptable. It's passive aggressive, but effective. The key is not to say too much or argue.
-
undercover
I didn't have a problem with the columnist's advice. Who cares if the woman doesn't join in the celebrations? It's a place of work, not a country club. Big deal, if she eats a piece of leftover cake. If the place is anything like where I work, they leave all cakes, pies and candy out for anyone after whatever celebration, hoping someone will eat it and not have to be thrown away.
I never joined in the celebrations but if there was leftover cake in the breakroom two hours later, I helped myself. The same with day after Halloween candy left in jars around the office.
I don't understand how the other employees are having to change because she doesn't join them. Why can't they have their party and not worry about who's there or not?
I'll never defend the JW beliefs or the Watchtower Society...and assuming that this woman is a JW...but this individual woman has the right to not be forced to join actual celebrations that have nothing to do with her work and not be harrassed about it. And if the people are so petty that they start to count cake squares and M&Ms and fell the need to write to an advice columnist, they're the ones with the problem, not the JW.
Actually this sounds more like a script from the "The Office" than it does real life.
-
sacolton
The time and energy to write that letter to the columnist could have been better spent to sit down with the employee and ask about her reasons for not participating. Seriously, why not go straight to the source instead of bitching to a columnist?