It It's Taken Away, Who Are You?

AllTimeJeff

Baron Davis plays basketball for the LA Clippers in the NBA. In an article on him in a recent Sports Illustrated, Davis recalled something his grandma told him "If I take that ball away, WHO ARE YOU?"

That stuck with me. I thought about people in general, who they are, and sometimes what they might hide behind, whether they realize it or not.....

For those of us who were JW's, it was scary to see who we were when the WATCHTOWER was taken away. (maybe) But the fact is, that this question can only be answered by the person who looks into the mirror.

WHO ARE YOU?

So often, individuality can be hidden by the agenda's and goals of others. Groups are even more insidious, as group thought can give the illusion of individuality, while in reality supporting deep inner needs of acceptance and a network of friends. Isn't that what being a JW provided us?

When you look at sports stars (me being a sports fan, I am fascinated by this) one thing that is striking is the life that sports stars have AFTER they leave is often indicative that without the ball in their hands, they don't really know themselves. That is why so many turn to drugs, alcohol abuse, and the like. Not all do this, but enough do to make it a noticeable trend of sorts in the sporting world. Frequently, those who leave either try to "hang on", or otherwise get involved in self destructive behavior. For many, they comment that they never really thought of life after sports.

I doubt very seriously that anyone who leaves JW's ever gave thought to "life after JW's." Think about all the pre-packaged activities and life goals that didn't require you to think at all. It was already thought out for you. All you had to do was agree to follow the "faithful and discreet slave" (or the Governing Body as they are really known) agree that they were the only "channel" of god, listen and obey by going to all the meetings, preach as much as you could, and otherwise put your life on hold as you wait for Armageddon and a paradise earth. (where all worshipers of Jehovah will wear either nice tasteful khaki's or kimono's. )

But now its gone. The "ball" has been taken away.

Who are you?

I have seen (and I don't want to reignite the debate, this is just a personal observation) that some who leave JW's stay within the Christian world, and they see themselves through the lens of their theistic beliefs. When "the ball" of WT dogma was taken away from these theists, they decided that god still existed and needed to be worshiped, just not JW style.

Others choose to reject god altogether. Their identity sometimes is derived from battling both themselves and theists to show that god in fact, doesn't exist. When "the ball" of WT dogma was taken away, they saw themselves very differently, and made very substantial conclusions in their world view.

Because it seems that ex JW's understand ex JW's best, it is not surprising that theistic JW's and atheistic JW's meet. In their agreement that the Governing Body sucked a whole lot of their life and spirituality away, their is also the constant battle of which side is right in their exit from JW's.

It seems to me that this misses the point, as if it is up to one side to convince the other of their rightness.

Is it possible that the fierce emotional energy that fuels these arguments amongst former JW's stems, not from a need to show the other the best way to live, but rather, because we may not yet "know ourselves"? Is it more an expression of our inner frustration that, despite the fact that we have made up our own mind about JW's and whether god exists or not, that is about as far as we have come in our exit from JW's?

Who are YOU? Do we really know ourselves? Have we "discovered" ourselves, our talents and a purpose for the rest of our life?

I don't ask that or write this to preach, and if I have come across that way, I apologize. That isn't my place. At the same time, I wanted to share this line of thought. To me, it gave me a way to explore where I am since I have left JW's. The ball was taken away from me. It left me "naked" and I had to look at myself and see what was there once I was no longer an elder or missionary.

I don't think I have it figured out, but if and when I do, the question I will have the ANSWER to is, "WHO AM I?" And the only person that needs to answer this will be me. I won't need to argue with anyone about whether god exists or not. Those are important questions for sure, but I won't need to argue if I have a satisfactory answer for me. I won't need to convince others.

If I am a theistic believer, I won't have to try to find others to preach to. I can have a conversation about my faith, share it, debate respectfully a few points, and leave off. My goal won't be to convert, knowing that while it is my prerogative to believe as I want, I do bear a responsibility to prove my assertions, and if I can't to the satisfaction of others (esp atheists) then it is best to leave off.

If I am atheist, I won't need to devote my life to a seek and destroy mission of other people's faith. I can have a conversation about my my beliefs. I can debate a few points respectfully and leave off, knowing that there will ALWAYS be those who believe and exercise faith in things they can't see and can't prove.

Again, I write this as a vision I have of "what would be nice". I am not naive enough to think I will see this in society, or even in the ex JW internet community anytime soon.

The point is simply, for those who used to be JW's, its better to know who you are once "the ball" has been taken away. What do you see when you look at yourself? What would you like to be?

You are no longer a JW. You are no longer a part of a cult.

Who are you?

oompa

wow...you have a lot on your mind tonight jeff.......but i will anser the last couple of questions....i am a mess in many ways....but i am also a song writer......and would like to be a comedy writer for snl.....and letterman.....connan too...stupid i know.....oompa

StAnn

It took me a long, long time to figure out who I was after leaving the Dubs because I was in a relationship with a "worldly" man. I lavished all the devotion and attention onto him that I had previously lavished onto the Org. He took the place of the Org for me. It wasn't until after he left that I was left with this huge, gaping chasm of nothingness. It took awhile to figure out who I was, what I wanted, where my place was in this world, but it was a journey definitely worth taking. I had a lot of very patient people in my life guiding me, thank heaven!

When I look back at the much younger me, I just shake my head at what used to matter to me. I hardly recognize myself. Life is much better post-Dub, that's for sure, but it does take active, strenuous work to find out what kind of life you want and to go out and take it for yourself.

StAnn

oompa

stann: I had a lot of very patient people in my life guiding me, thank heaven!....now oompa..my new chrome sucks a bit.......wont let me click below the box....can you tell us who these patient people were?....i have a few in real world.....but many here.......oompa

BabaYaga

Wow!

AllTimeJeff said: For those of us who were JW's, it was scary to see who we were when the WATCHTOWER was taken away.

Dang, isn't that the truth (no pun intended!)

It was so difficult to figure out what I truly believed. Once my rule book was thrown away, the idea that I could decide what to believe was so daunting I was terrified. It took me many years before I could be comfortable with my own thoughts.

BurnTheShips

Who are you?

Working on it. Get back to you soon.

Thanks for your thoughts.

The great decisions of human life have as a rule far more to do with the instincts and other mysterious unconscious factors than with conscious will and well-meaning reasonableness. The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. Each of us carries his own life-form—an indeterminable form which cannot be superseded by any other. C. Jung

BTS

AllTimeJeff

BTS: Who are you? Working on it. Get back to you soon.

Let me know, I am writing a book! (jk) Btw, I love the quote from Jung.

BabaYaga: It was so difficult to figure out what I truly believed. Once my rule book was thrown away, the idea that I could decide what to believe was so daunting I was terrified. It took me many years before I could be comfortable with my own thoughts.

I face the same problem, not that I don't sense in myself what I think and believe, but I don't give myself permission to make my own mind up!

oompa: wow...you have a lot on your mind tonight jeff.

Tell me about it. I am going to bed. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

JimmyPage

Great post, All Time Jeff. Oompa: your interests aren't stupid. Or if they are, then mine must be stupid too. Love music and comedy!

besty

thanks ATJ - great perspective on the background noise to the a(theist) conversation

sass_my_frass

Good topic. If I were to try to define the meaning of my new life, it's along the lines of love. The love in my life is absolutely extraordinary, magnificent even. If that was taken away I don't know how I'd replace it. But anyway... yes I still think that it's wise to diversify and have several major passions. In the case of the massive sportstar, or you could extend that to the ageing rockstar or movie goddess; as far as they're concerned they've doing the biggest thing they'll ever do in their lives. It's quite sad that it fails them. Reminds me of returned astronauts; once they've walked on the moon, what's the point living any more? That's extremely sad.

A good life is made of many beautiful moments; try to generate as many of them as you can. Hitting a home run out of the park would be a big one, but it's only one.

It It's Taken Away, Who Are You?

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