Most parents would be proud...

by Odrade 14 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Vinny

  My wife is where you are Odrade. She has decided to fade solely because her son and brother are still in. (As you know, I disassociated). But now BOTH are shunning her even though she stays as neutral as possible when it comes to JW stuff. Her 23 year old son (who she absolutely adores and misses every single day), has told us directly that the only way we can have any contact with him or his son, our grandson (3 years old), is by going back to meetings. He also recently told his sister (who also recently faded and moved away -- and now he won't speak with her any longer), that his mother was dead to him. You can imagine how difficult it has been for both, as well as for me trying to keep them from falling apart. (Though his sister has now taken a much harder line "F--- Him" approach than my wife has.

  Then, just a few weeks ago her lifetime ministerial servant brother came into her office doing the full-on preaching thing. She finally just told him she did not want to hear it any longer. Two days later he jumped on her for hurting his feelings by not allowing him to preach. She explained it's not a two way conversation; that she can't explain why she no longer believes and goes. Then she tried giving one example, but he cut her off saying you are trying to stumble me and that she has become a full blown apostate now. And he never saw the irony...

  Since then he will not talk with her at all. BOTH are now shunning her anyway even though she just faded.

  So, she is just sick of all this, just like you Odrade.

  What is the solution?

  Either DA and get rid of all of this nonsense including your own family for good.

  Or Move further away.

  Or suck it up and just manage as best you can, as you are doing. Venting here to people that KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT obviously can help.

  I am sorry you are still getting the JW treatment like this. Obviously you are not alone! Sad to say...

  All the best,

  Vinny
• 

  John Doe

  The world's a stage, and all of us are actors.
• 

  musky

  All too often parents think that they can predestine there children for something. whether its religeon or the family business or whatever. If parents just raise kids to think for themselves and respect (within reason) the kids decisions it would be great. Parents have no right to force there adult kids to lead a certain life that is nothing but the parents dream.
• 

  Odrade

  True, LDH. This is somewhat comforting to know that my situation is not unique. I also have friends who have no context with the JWs, other than hearing about my past. It's gratifying when they tell me that I'm not overreacting, and the behavior is not normal. If anything, I suspect I am underreacting. Indifference is often easier.

  Frank75, I suppose I do use the "squelch" button. But they don't challenge me often. I do not take a retiring position when they do start preaching to me. I have a "look," I guess. Ha! When they start preaching, I have a tendency to look right at their eyes, and not respond. It's probably a bit unsettling. Plus I have told my mother and brother on several occasions that if they really want to know what I think, all they have to do is ask, and I will share what I have learned. I think they are afraid if they preach me up, I will tell them what I know.

  Mrs Fiorino, thanks! Yes, I am proud of myself that I lead a very normal life now. I've had new acquaintances tell me that, when the subject of religion comes up and I share my background, they never would have guessed that I was a former eschatologist.

  Vinny, what a horrible thing for her son to turn against her. They claim they don't break up families, and yet it is they who take the action. I don't see how they can continue to reconcile that contradiction, and yet they not only justify it, but embrace it as some sort of honor badge. I'm sure he is getting lots of praise and back-patting for his coldness. My mother certainly does.

  John Doe, I'm not sure what you mean, but I have a notion that a very interesting discussion lurks under that cryptic remark.

  musky, this is true, of course. But there is no room for that in the organization. The irony is I think my parents blame themselves for allowing me such freedom in my reading material. Yeah, there were a few books banned from our house, but not many... mainly because my parents were not readers, and as long as I stuck to "classics," it was okay. Classics can teach you a lot, including how to think. I'm just sorry it took me so long to put that skill to use. ;)

  It's good to have an outlet though. I know there are hundreds of people here who have been through similar experiences and feelings.
• 

  John Doe

  John Doe, I'm not sure what you mean, but I have a notion that a very interesting discussion lurks under that cryptic remark.

  You're not the first one to call me cryptic. ;-)

  I might have simply meant that we all put on a show for other people or things.

  Or, I could have meant that we're all being watched by an audience.

  Or, I could have meant that our actions are artificial.

  Or, I could have meant that our actions lack sincerity.

  Or, I could have meant that our true selves are different than our outward actions.

  Or, I could have meant that we are fluid and change with circumstances.

  Or, I couild have meant that there is an outside force directing our actions.

  Or, I could have just been bs'ing. ;-)