Gents, now you pls explain... (page 3)

FlyingHighNow

What does that have to do with your dignity? If he's only sticking around for sex, you might end up wasting months on a loser. There's not much dignity in that. If the drop you like a hot potato, at least you can kick him to the curb before you get your heart involved.

I think you missed the point, Beks. If you give a guy sex when you have only been a date or two, and he dumps you, you can be left feeling used and tossed aside. This is assuming you were looking for more than sex. Generally, a guy who just wants to get laid won't hang around after the first three dates if all he's interested in is sex. If he books it and you didn't sleep him, then at least you don't have to regret sleeping with him or worry about what little "presents" he left behind. I gather that in newborn's case this is an international long distance relationship, which throws a whole new factor into the deal.

Losers don't usually wait around for sex for months.

SixofNine

this message brought to you by the You WILL be hurt by any sex you choose to have if said sex doesn't conform to romance novel standards -- Committee for the silly-fication and enforced emotional weakness of womanhood-- Flyinghighnow president and charter member.

FlyingHighNow

Six, I've never read a romance novel in my life. I don't watch Reality TV and I didn't marry the last guy. What I said has nothing to do with the quality of sex or whether it is romantic enough. My comments have to do with being laid and being dumped. And then wondering why the heck dumper isn't calling or answering texts.

beksbks

So tell me FHN, aren't you ever the layer and subsequent dumper???

Priest73

Be honest FHN. I'm still waiting for your call!

beksbks

My point actually, is that it should be natural. If you are doing or not doing on some kind of schedule, to manipulate, you're not being natural. Who cares what the result of a bunch of game playing and manipulation is?

SixofNine

Being "dumped" implies a level of commitment between two people much greater than anything the original poster has told us about.... at most this would be a man who just, on balance, decided not to pursue a relationship.

Generally, a guy who just wants to get laid won't hang around after the first three dates if all he's interested in is sex.

hmmm, I think that would depend on how good he thinks the sex is going to be ;) But also, how good the company is. Which candidly, is a good reason for a woman to wait for a while if she wants more than sex. Hell, it might be that she is the one who would not feel like calling; after she's been around the guy long enough to actually get to know him. Then she can use him for sex, or not... but she won't be imagining that she's missing out on the relationship that's gonna fulfill all her dreams (cuz, let's face it, 99% of all relationships; men you meet; aren't gonna be all that and a bag of potpourri- doen't make them bad guys or gals, but real chemistry doesn't happen every day).

If he books it and you didn't sleep him, then at least you don't have to regret sleeping with him or worry about what little "presents" he left behind.

Why the assumption that people will automatically "regret" sleeping with someone who they choose to sleep with, FHN? Are women stupid? Insane? Emotional toddlers? For the record, I don't assume they are any of the above simply because they are women. And if you have to worry about "little presents", you'll have to worry about them at whatever point you choose to have sex.

I gather that in newborn's case this is an international long distance relationship, which throws a whole new factor into the deal.

I haven't read anything to indicate that. Believe it or not, they have men in Europe too ;)

junctions-wife

All I have to say is just Follow your Heart! That is the only advice my mother ever gave me that I use all the time. Only you will know if it is right or wrong to sleep with someone. Trust me I have made my mistakes that I am sorry for. But you live and learn. Not all men are jerks, there is still a few good ones out there.

FlyingHighNow

Six, Newborn has told on other threads that he's from across the ocean. In her case she thought there was a relationship.

And dumped may not always apply. Sometimes a girl thinks the guy really likes her because the guy says he does. And in other cases the man is snowing her: Why, she's the girl he's dreamed of all his life and he just knows she's the one. I'm sure some of the ladies on this forum have heard the lines. When a guy tells a girl anything he thinks she wants to hear just to get her to drop her drawers and once she does, he leaves her flat on her backside and is off to the next conquest. Not all guys are like this. Enough of them are though. And if a woman is looking for more than casual sex, she needs to be careful who she drops her guard with.

Maybe this guy had good intentions. Maybe he wasn't a sleaze. Maybe he just didn't know her well enough and after three meetings decided he couldn't do the long distance thing. But she's left knowing she was intimate with this person who doesn't bother to let her know why he isn't calling anymore. The regret, if there is any, may be more in feeling used than it is about the sex.

flipper

NEWBORN- From your comments I'm assuming this was the first time you were intimate with this guy. Or has this happened several times from this guy where he will not call you and suddenly pull the Houdini disappearing act ? Either way , speaking as a man who had dated quite a bit in my single years ; this man is being disrespectful of you and your feelings. Perhaps he's just not into you - however if that's the case he should man up and communicate that to you that he doesn't want it to go any further . A respectful guy would do that. One who has common decency.

And on the other hand - he may be unfortunately like a good number of men out there who rove around looking for a good lay, but want to keep their options open because they aren't into relationships with women, they are just into having sex with a variety of them. And if that's the case with your man - he's not good relationship material in the first place.

Bottom line is that if this guy really cares about you , after spending the night , he'll wake up with you holding you in his arms, he'll make you coffee, either make you breakfast or take you out to breakfast . If he's a flake , he won't call for days. Then you know he was just into it for the sex , or the conquest . Which is pretty lame .

Might I suggest E-harmony.com. ? They match you up on 29 points of familiarity and you know you are meeting someone who has your similar values. My wife and I met on it and are very happy. Don't think all guys out there are like this guy you've been with. There are some really decent, caring men out there who are worth finding. Don't ever settle , wait for the right guy for you. If the guy doesn't call back - he probably wasn't the one for you

Gents, now you pls explain...

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