Mother tells me to "F-off"

LouBelle

On saturday night my mother & I went for dinner, along with that we had a couple of glasses of wine. She got a bit tipsy and he tongue loosend up. She started talking about her ex husband & if she should get back together with him - I mentioned she must be careful as she wouldn't want a repeat of what she's been through.

She started saying "vok jou" which means f*ck you & that I have never been supportive of her and that - which is BS. Anyway I've had enough of her - I really have. I have cut people out of my life that drag me down & am wondering if that is how my mother feels about me, if I should not cut her out as well - I don't need crap like this, even if it is family - I sent her a short / sweet mail today:

hi, I just want to say something here. I understand that when any one gets tipsy/pissed, things are said that one may not mean. However I do not need to be told "vok jou" on a number of occassions. I am tired of that, whether you mean it or not - it's not a nice thing to tell your daughter. I have been there for you, through your ups and downs and don't appreciate it at all. Sometimes people speak the truth when they get pissed & if that is how you feel on the inside I truly don't have a problem with it and can certainly get out and stay out of your life. And I can do that without any "hard" feelngs toward you. Louise

kurtbethel

I have had to cut my mother off for crossing the line, so I know how it goes. If you have to do that, then you could still give her time off for good behavior if she can shape up. I go with the line of thinking that alcohol loosens up the tongue and people say what they mean at the moment. Though that particular incident could have been a transient emotional spike, and not her permanent attitude toward you.

BTW, thanks for the grammar lesson. Seems I often learn those words first in a language.

yadda yadda 2

It hurts now and your mother shouldn't have said that, but just forgive and forget ok. Rise above it. She was drunk and hurting over something. Let it go and don't cut her off. She never meant it..no parent ever means it when they say things like that. She is your mother and you love her, warts and all. As she does you.

AgentSmith

No one should be abused like that, especialy from your Mother.

Agent Smith

Witness 007

Try to keep things friendly, you letter was a good example...don't drop the axe yet!

LouBelle

Honestly I doesn't hurt that much - over the years I've become a little hardend - I just don't like it and am at a place in my life where I don't want to have that kind of negativity thrown at me. I don't speak to people like that.

She did reply saying "she doesn't know why she said that...blah blah" - I asked her to please look inside and be honest - it has to come from somewhere.

Satanus

Maybe, it;s anger/frustration about something else that was redirected at you when you intervened in her thoughts. It;s the lightening rod effect. Some of us tend to carry others' burdens.

S

LouBelle

Yes sometimes we do lash out at those we love. I could tell the whole damn story of my mums relationship with me, but that would go on forever and a day. Quicik overview. My mother's main priority in life is her happiness. I came along and had to be cared for. Was palmed off onto grand parents and then when they moved on pretty much brought myself up from the age of 6. We've had a rather volitile relationship, which in a way was a blessing, it's made me a strong, self reliant woman. I need nothing from no one. Moved out of home when I was 17, got a job, pretty much raised my little brother. Things kinda came right a couple of years ago...seem to be going pear shaped again. Yes I can be hard & I don't like being treated like shit.

My mother's email: sorry - no did not mean it and yes was tipsy and should not have said it at all especially towards you my daughter - but cannot remember (no excuses). That is why I do not drink or try not to. I am shocked at my behavior by having said that!!!as I love you and will allways want to be in your life and you in mine.

You have been there for me throughout - up and down and I love you very much - so I am truly sorry to have hurt you - please forgive me. I replied: It's not about forgiveness. I don't want that kind of stuff in my life - I don't see why I should - why anyone should. I know you wouldn't like it if I spoke to you like that & why should you... I don't understand where that comes from or why you would actually say something like that. her reply back: Lu, I know I should NOT have spoken like that! and I am really sorry - reason why - I just don't know - prehaps I knew that you would not like me seeing Wally. I am sorry lu my reply to that: I've told you - it's your life - live it how you see fit - if you want to see wally see him, but if things go pear shaped then you've got to deal with it ... again - it's got nothing to do with me at the end of the day. It just blew my mind that after everything that is what you said - it front of Hazel & Michelle no less. I really am disapponted, let down - and then I know I shouldn't expect anything from anyone. I'm just processing it. It is what it is. I'm at a stage in my life where I actually value me - for the first time in my life I know I'm worth more than that kind of treatment - you know how I feel about negativity - I don't want anyone (family / friends) bringing me down.

Satanus

She sounds to be selfish, deserves the crap she brings on herself. It's not your job to protect her from herself.

S

LouBelle

S - I was always guilted into feeling bad for hardening up. Don't get me wrong I love her, she's my mother, doesn't mean I have to like what she does.

I'm just going to fly below the radar and stay clear of her.

Mother tells me to "F-off"

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