by unclebruce 10 Replies latest jw friends
I'll go first.
My real name is Bruce Witherspoon and I migrated to Australia from Queensland in 1986 after a long and torrid love affair with a Jehovah's Witness Elder called Reg Billingworth. When Reg died of mysterious circumstances I inherited his sheep station, congregation of country bumkin dubs and bad altitude.
Bad Attitude:
OK, I am really a famous singer. I live in Franklin TN in a manse. I have gardeners, maids and nannies for my kids. I had my own tour bus built to my specifications. I shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joes. But that is only for publicity, Cook does all the food shopping. He can only buy raw foods and I throw my high heels at him if I find processed foods in my 750 sq ft pantry. Luckily my husband is a plastic surgeon, so what my spinning and yoga don't fix he can!
I hate when fans ask for my autograph. I am constantly stopped at Cool Springs Mall and PF Changs by my fans. It gets irritating. Can't a girl shop or have lettuce wraps in peace? But my manager says I must smile and be nice, if not for them I wouldn't have all the oodles of money I have today. Whatever! What about talent?
I look like a goody two shoes. My fans look at me as a wholesome role model. They don't know about the drug filled orgies in the secret rooms of my house. Anyone who's anyone in the biz is there.
My name is Merkle Farkland Ratherflood and I have served as a special pioneer for 35 years in Botany Bay, Antarctica. My partner and life-mate is Percy Lapmann. I have been personally responsible for bringing over 15,000 ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in my area back into Jehovah's flock by honestly reasoning with them from the Scriptures.
Before I became a Jehovah's Witnesses, I earned the Nobel Prize for nuclear physics and later earned 25 million dollars a year in royalties being a rock star and owning a chain of porn stores. When I became a special pioneer, I gave my Cambridge Ph.D. to Governing Body member Karl Klein and my Harvard Medical Degree to the great grandson of Clayton Woodworth.
I have been truly blessed in the service of Jehovah here in Antarctica where the need-is-greatest. Over the years, I've had many special experiences. Brother Franz regularly consulted me for advice and help on his books and prophecies. I was called as one of the anointed on May 17th, 1968 at 2:34 p.m. while showering with Percy. What a blessing!
My eyes may have dimmed over the years and my flesh has grown frail, but I am still zealously serving Jehovah in the days of my codgerhood.
Brother Ratherflood
LOL - terrific everyone, and that's no lie.
I believe the WTS was chosen by Jesus in 1914 and is God's sole spirit-directed channel!
I only count real time in FS
I would never lie to an elder and consider it theocratic warfare in order to keep from being shunned.
I never run ahead or speak ill of the organization
I always donate at the assemblies and regularly for local needs and the worldwide work.
Those labeled apostates are all liars.
I am as happy and content as all the other sheeple.........none of us ever venerate the slave or organization...
My real name is Mike Hunt. I have been a JW since I was 50 and I love knocking on doors and selling books to unsuspecting people. I have so much fun when I go to meetings. I LOVE passing the microphones and holding those long thick wires. I enjoy venison and oily fish. Women tell me they like that about me.
" Mike Hunt, Mike Hunt - has anyone seen Mike Hunt?" Giggle, snort, giggle giggle!
gawd .. I'm not touching that!
UB, I like that 2 legged horse.
When my father was 5 years old his picture was in every newspaper in the US. I don't know why, I was just a baby at the time.
