Your View of Platonic Relationships with Men & Women- Change as EX-JW ?

by flipper 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  LouBelle

  You got to know I'm was just one of those easy- go-lucky girls. I had a number of male JW friends when I was a wee lass. As we got older we drifted apart as association with the opposite sex wasn't encouraged all that much. However after a while I missed my mates and we started hooking up again, going out, going away and just having fun. I got called into soooo many meeting asking if I was having any type of sex, was I kissing anyone, was I having urges and if anyone else was. For a young sister it was embaressing, but I was a pretty "good girl" type and we were just having fun....there was some kissing and a little touch here and there but never sex - I would always say nothing was going on in my crowd of friends and if they wanted to know about so and so ask them and not me. Elders didn't like you all that much if you didn't rat on your mates.

  I am still friends with some of those guys today & we talk about the "old days" and how truly innocent it all was and yet how out of proportion the elders would blow it....almost as if they wanted us to do something.
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  Simon

  The WTS indoctrinated view of the opposite sex is warped and does preclude being real friends with people.

  I now have some close female friends that are just the nicest people you could imagine and I don't think, if I was still a WTS, that I could be because it forces you to focus on and think about them as women rather than as people. It's very subtle and hard to explain properly but it does color your relationships.
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  minimus

  I'm a very social person and I have many "friends". My gf actually gets peturbed by it because I have so many social contacts and I enjoy them with both males and females. It's who I am.
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  aSphereisnotaCircle

  Those old goats in NY are the sexual deviants.

  While I was growing up dub, I was constantly cautioned about being alone with the opposite sex. Plus I was constantly chaperoned. I was never alone with a boy even briefly.

  Then as a (semi)adult, I remember the first time I was alone in a room with a male. Even though it was my future brother in law and he was an elder, all I could think about was sex, sex, SEX!

  Was he gona lose control? Was I? It was extremely uncomfortable, and one of the weirdest experiences of my life.

  The GB teaches a very twisted and unrealistic view of human nature.
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  SixofNine

  While I was growing up dub, I was constantly cautioned about being alone with the opposite sex. Plus I was constantly chaperoned. I was never alone with a boy even briefly.

  Then as a (semi)adult, I remember the first time I was alone in a room with a male. Even though it was my future brother in law and he was an elder, all I could think about was sex, sex, SEX!

  Was he gona lose control? Was I? It was extremely uncomfortable, and one of the weirdest experiences of my life.

  The Witnesses (and many other prudish religions) have, with their attitudes about sex, created the classic "Don't think of an elephant" syndrome amongst their population.

  Once you hear the directive to not think of an elephant, you can't help but think of an elephant. With that comes a complete frame of concepts and ideas. In my case, that includes a large gray animal with a trunk, the circus, men with shovels and brooms, Rudyard Kipling, an old Tarzan movie and more.
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  flipper

  LOUBELLE- It's so boorishly rude the elders pulled you into lots of meetings asking you if you were having sex ! What an intrusion of basic human rights and privacy ! They are so twisted .

  SIMON- I too have a more healthy view of women as people now than when I was a witness. Good point you make that the organization views them in a negative way as " women " - derogatorially in a put down mode.

  MINIMUS- It's good to be social and have a balanced set of friends - male and female.

  A SPHERE IS NOT A CIRCLE- The fact that the WT societies teachings made you feel weird being alone with your future brother in law really helps us to see they have a twisted view of male/female relationships.

  SIX of NINE- I agree. They concentrate so much on the elephant called " sex " that it's all they focus on. They actually by doing this put it on too high of a pedestal
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  halcyon

  I am definitely dealing with the consequences of my upbringing. I am actually weird around men who I'd like to be friends with, because I don't know how. So I talk to them, and then I withdraw, because I start worrying that they somehow think I'm coming on to them somehow, not that I've actually come on to them, but the act of talking to them MUST be a come-on, right? That's what I was raised to believe anyhow. So I get all weird and withdrawn and shy and then throw up defenses and, pretty soon, they probably think I actually DO have a crush on them, based on the way I'm acting.

  I HATE it. I wish I could just be simple friends with men without my weird defenses kicking in.
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  beksbks

  It's a learning process Halcyon. Cuz frankly, half the time they do think you're coming on to them. Or are planning to come on to you. Just be yourself, and deal with issues as they arise.

  Ohhh hmmm I said arise................
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  flipper

  HALYCON- I understand how the witness cult puts so many conflicting , weird views into us that it probably has affected many of us like you say in normal men / women friendships. But just be yourself around new guy friends you meet - and if they are decent , respectful guys , they won't try to make you feel they are picking up on you. Men and women can be just good friends. In spite of what the WTS told us.

  BEKSBKS- When I talk to women on the board or other female friends I may have - they understand where I'm coming from in a totally platonic non-threatening friendship status. They know my wife and I are happy - so they don't feel threatened . So many of us men if developing friendships with women only want that - just friendship. Might be hard to believe , but it's true
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  free2think

  I always got on a lot better with guys then woman growing up, which was something of a problem lol.

  So in the end i had to make do with the girls on off, but it was never quite right. I always found them too bitchy and jealous of each other.

  Since leaving its been so liberating to be able to hang out with guys and not have to explain myself and answer rumours or prying questions. Its refreshing.