I only stop in casually once or twice a week. Without fail there is a thread on the first page that starts with this line,
"HELP!!!! MY (fill in the blank) is trying to (fill in the blank) !!!!!"
It is so baffling.
People are posting about issues which they know crosses a line, but which they are not able to protect themselves or their loved ones from. This I think, is the reason the JW religion and similar are so full of 'victims' rather than survivors. Frankly it's disturbing to see people who feel so helpless about basic everyday situations where others are trying to take their power. It's not like someone has posted, "Help, there's a nuclear bomb going off, how do I minimize radiation?"
Here's some basic definitions of the terms assertive, passive, and aggressive and some simple exercises to determine who you are, and how to move forward with being assertive.
Definitions
Aggressive
Aiming to win regardless of the other person.
Standing up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are violated.
Putting others down to make you seem better than they are.
Manipulating others, including tricking them, seducing them, or getting your revenge in
subtle ways.
Deriding, humiliating, belittling or overpowering others in order to win.
Assertive
Expressing true feelings thoughts and beliefs.
Feeling in control of what you say and do.
Standing up for your rights, choices and feelings in a way that doesn’t threaten others
or violate their rights.
Assessing a situation and making clear choices about the appropriate way to behave.
Passive
Having difficulty standing up for yourself.
Avoiding conflict or confrontation.
Giving up responsibility for yourself – not making decisions for yourself.
Playing the victim or martyr.
Not expressing honest and true feelings or thoughts.
Role-Play
It would useful to the participant(s) to have experience of an aggressive, passive and
assertive response for different situations and to be aware of what outcome each type of
response could lead to.
This would demonstrate that the assertive response usually gives a much better chance
of you getting what you want whilst considering other people’s feelings and needs.
Here are 8 examples of situations that could be used for role-play or discussion
to demonstrate the 3 different responses. You may wish to think of other situations
relevant to the participant(s).
You’re waiting in a shop to be served and someone pushes in front of you.
What do you say/do?
You’re at a party and your boyfriend/girlfriend suggests going upstairs for sex,
saying “If you loved me you would". You don’t want to. What do you say/do?
You want to have sex. You suggest using a condom but your partner refuses.
What do you say/do?
You’re queuing up to get into a club. A crowd of people approaches you and one
of them offers you an illegal drug. They are very persistent and you don’t want to
buy it. What do you say/do?
You and your mates are in town and you’re doing the driving. They’re pretty drunk
and keep pestering you with alcohol. “Go on, have another one you’ll be fine.
You can hold your drink." What do you say/do?
Your work mate suggests stealing something from the workplace. You’re scared
you might get caught. What do you say/do?
Your boss asks you to do overtime. You’ve already made plans and you
don’t need the money. Your boss tries to insist that only you can do the job.
What do you say/do?
You’re with your mates and they suggest going to a club, but you want to go home
for an early night as you have an interview the next day. What do you say/do?
http://www.career-productions.co.uk/PDFs/Life%20Tracks%20IYC%2015.pdf
I believe there are posters here to learn from to help you be more assertive in your life.