They think this is funny?

outcast

Taken from W.O.L

The funny thing about it is, it's not far from the truth.

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COMING SOON TO A CONGREGATION NEAR YOU!!!!
ELDER VOICE MAIL

NEVER MISS ANOTHER CALL! HANDLE CALLS EFFORTLESSLY

HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS.....
member of the congregation calls the "congregation crisis hot line" a warm pleasant concerned voice
answers:
: hello! you have reached{insert congregation name} crisis hot line.
all of our elders are busy at this time, but please stay on the line. we are concerned about you and
your problem- your call will be answered in the order that it was received. While you wait, please enjoy
the calming music from kingdom melodies#8 while listening to the repaeted reading of hebrews 13:17"

when they get thru they hear:
"thank you for waiting. If your problem is of a personal nature, please press#1 now
if you have a dispute in the congregation please press #2 now
if you have a complaint about the elders or the organisation, please press #3 now.
If you dont know what you want, but you wnat to keep your elders from dinner,study,or time with their
families, please press #4 now

äfter pressing 1 from the main menu they hear:
"if you have done reasearhon your problem in the societies publications press #1 now
If you have not done reaseach press # 2 now"
if they press #2 they are disconnected.
if they press one they hear:
"if you dont understand your reasearch and wish assistance from an elder, press#1 now
if you do understand it but dont agree with it and you want an elder to tell you its ok press #2 now"

If they press#2 they are disscnnected.
if they press #1 they hear:
"the next available elder will be called from a rotational list at home

äfter pressing#2 from the main menu they hear:
"if you have read matthew18:15-17,press#1 now
"if you have not read matthew 18 :15-17, press#2 now

If they press#2 they are dissconnected
if they press#1 they hear:
if you have applied matthew 18:15-17, press #1 now
if you have not applied the scripture and dont want to, press #2 now"

if they press #2 : phone gives off a 240 volt shaock and is disconnected.
If they press #1 the next available elder is called.

after pressing #3 from the main menu:
The call is traced and recorded electronically and a S.W.A.T. team from bethel is dispatched.

after pressing #4 from the main menu:

They hear a special recording of"Uh huh, oh I see, its OK, dont worry about it"etc, which is played
continuously as long as the person is on the line.

THIS PROGRAMME WAS SPONSORED BY E.A.S. (elders against stress) a small group of dedicated yet stressed
out elders whose goal in life is to get enough time to sleep, study, prepare meeting parts and to recognise
at least 60% of their families by sight.

Makena1

I have seen this before too. Sounds like a ripoff from the Computer Jesus confession booth scene in THX 1138.

Mak

Billygoat

Haha! That's awesome! But I'm also curious...how did that post stay up without being deleted? Doesn't it speak disparagingly against their assimilators???

Andi

outnfree

For those of you who may have tossed your songbooks, Kingdom Melody #8 is "Loyally Submitting to Theocratic Order."

And, of course, Hebrews 13:17 reads: (NWT) "Be obedient to those taking the lead amoung You, and be submissive, for they are keeping watch over YOUR souls as thos who will render an account, that they may do this with joy and not with sighing, for this would be damaging to YOU."

outnfree

When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies ... -- Darby Slick, Somebody to Love

avengers

I imagine they will do this too in the Thousand Year Reign. There'll be booths all over the place and you will always be close to an elder.
Even the ones that get a ressurrection, they can go straight to the phone and tell an elder they now exist. Great idea. Wonder why I didn't think of it?

"Few are they that look through their own eyes and feel with their own heart"
A Einstein

ChuckD

I think it also shows that many elders consider calls from their "sheep" to be akin to those from telemarketers. Troublesome, cutting into their personal and family time, and generally annoying. I can envision elders chatting with oneanother about the heavy burden they bear with all those calls and questions, and finding something like this very amusing.

(Said with an exhasparated sigh); "Look, here are a few scriptures that should keep you quiet. Take two and call me in the morning if your attitude doesn't improve by then. Better still, don't call."

YoYoMama

geez, it's just a joke

HadEnuf

This would not work with our elders. They all have unlisted numbers. Using a psychic hot line (hello? Miss Cleo?) would probably get you farther than trying to talk with our elders.

Skeptic

Sadly, this shows how mechanical solutions can be from the FDS.

I was surprised the recording did not have a solution to all problems: more prayer, more meeting attendance, more field service, more bible study,...

Good news, I forgot the standard mantra! Yeah!!

Richard, whose brainwashing is going away...

duped

ChuckD,

Your message reminded me of a comment that our PO made to my husband and I when we first moved into his congration about eight years ago. He said, "It's nice to have a family move in that doesn't have a lot of problems. We have so many families right now that just have so many problems." Little did he know.....heheheh ;)

duped

"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug." Mary Chapin-Carpentar

They think this is funny?

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