Do I have a better explanation? Just that it is all quite confusing. Your commentary doesn't make it any less so. As for it being Christ own words, Christ didn't do any writing evidently, so we don't really know Christ own words now do we?
Here is something you skipped, the "But when he was alone with his own disciples he explained everything" part.
Now why would he need to explain everything to them? If he indeed did explain everything to them, where does that leave aChristian? Because let's be honest, you and I, we got the parable versions, not the explained versions.
I think you are a bit dishonest, if only with yourself, I think your entire belief system is based on a little ego self stroking. Hey, if you really are so spiritually advanced that you can make perfect logic out of perfectly illogical words, bring waters of truth out of unsubstantiated myths, then go ahead and pat yourself on the back. You truly are on a different spiritual plane than the common man.
I guess whether or not that is a higher plane to be on will be proven if you indeed turn out to have the golden ticket.