Im probably getting a divorce.... :*( (page 2)

lisavegas420

Divorce is never easy, even when you know it's for the best and you're ready for it to be over. Sorry.

I wish you much happiness, in your new life and future.

lisa

Thanks you guys I feel mostly like Ive been in "waiting" mode all this time...waiting for him to be a husband and father to his kids. Waiting for him to want to be with his wife, and care about me and want me around. He always said he would never leave me or cheat on me because "thats just not who he is"...but then everything else in his life was always more important than I was. For the first 19 years it was alcoholism and the bar, and that was his "mistress" and after dragging him home, seeing his truck parked there night after night while I took our three kids to baseball, softball, dance or school functions, and having to call all the neighbors to find him passed out on someones living room rug...we finally hit bottom. He came home one night and beat me severely and was kicked out of the house for a few months. Even though he stopped drinking because of that, and I decided to try one more time "because it wasnt him it was the alcohol"...nothing has changed. The kids are afraid of him. At least my 14 year old is because he is still young enough for daddys beratings and mockings to hurt him and he cant fight back. The 18 year old and the 20 year old have learned to ignore him.

So...I need to stop waiting for him. And I cant do that until Im out of the house. I dont want another man in my life. I need to get on my two feet and get going here while I can. Like Fergie's song...Big Girls Dont Cry

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I just hate the mourning that happens. But Im mourning something that has been dead a very long time. Like a dog standing next to their dead dog companion who has been hit by a car. He feels the need to stay out of loyalty but doesnt understand things will never be the same as they were and his friend isnt coming back no matter how long he stays there. And thats me.

What do you guys think about my giving the house to him? Should I ask for something in the future should he sell? I dont have any retirement at all either...bad planning. Never could save being self employed most of our marriage. Im regretting that.

I love your thoughts on things.

LD

llbh

Hi WLD ,

I am going through a divorce now, and even though ours is not acrimonious it is still hard. To me it is about recognising the actuality of the relationship being beyond saving, then moving on to the future.

Make sure if possible to get all you are entitled to for 2 reasons, you will need it for your children that still at home, and considering lack of retirement plan i would for your future too.

With regards to the house , you could either ask him to buyout your share or retain part ownership, if that seems better and easier.

Hope this helps

David

John Doe

What do you guys think about my giving the house to him? Should I ask for something in the future should he s

ell?

I don't think you should ask for anything. You should insist on proper division of your assets. Talk to a lawyer.

BTW, did he quit drinking?

llbh

BTW i agree 100% with John Doe as well

David

snowbird

(((((((WuzLuvDubs)))))))

I'm not too articulate in situations like this because I've never been able to sustain a relationship. I stayed with my first husband for 17 months, and my second 48 months.

I just want you to know that I've come to love and respect all your posts.

You've made me laugh, cry, and reassess my position on things.

I know you will make a success of whatever you decide to do.

Girl, you got a lot of spunk! Go get 'em!

Sylvia

carla

Talk to a lawyer please! You were self employed with him? You still deserve whatever equity may be in the house. There is also support of the 14 yr old to consider and you would probably be given maintenence of some sort for awhile. Contact a local womans shelter, doesn't matter that the abuse took place months ago, many women cannot come forward for a long time afterward. They will help you with housing, finances, emergency food if needed and legal help. They are in the Yellow Pages or Google for your area. Best of luck.

quietlyleaving

you'll be surprised at what you are entitled to.

so sorry you are going through this.

WuzLovesDubs

The whole hitting thing happened in Jan 2006. As I live in Florida I am entitled to half the equity in the house. Which...there isnt any. So if there is a way to "attach my interest" should he sell at some future date, with maybe a time limit on how long he has to give me said interest if he doesnt ever sell the house... but at the same time take my name off the title so Im not stuck with any future foreclosure proceedings, thats how I need to go. Whatever we acquired during our marriage, Im entitled to half of it. I wish there was stuff out there to get half OF. You know?

I would definitely get a lawyer...no way I would do this without one. I want all my i's dotted and t's crossed.

Snow...thank you hon. :)

I spent this morning writing a long detailed description to him about how to pay the bills on the house and where everything is as he reemed me out last Friday for a payment on our mortgage (which we didnt have money in the account to pay until 11AM Friday the 30th) that may hit the mortgage company ONE DAY past 30 days "causing a 30 day late on our credit report" he screamed at me. He was still going on about that a day later! I was like...wait...did we or did we not JUST FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY?? We dont HAVE GOOD CREDIT any more! Never mind that HE spent $850 on the house construction the first week of January which CAUSED the shortfall at the end of the month. Its that kind of shit I cannot stomach any more. Im not his whipping boy. So after 262 months of paying all the bills, doing ALL the accounting and doing ALL the taxes and taking care of ALL the businesses with this house...I quit.

purplesofa

I quit.

ohhhh that has to really feel good. I remember!

Im probably getting a divorce.... :*(

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