therapist says affairs can help some/my marriage....really...

oompa

well that took me back a bit...but since i have led a double life since third grade...i have become the master of compartmentalizing...and since my exit and since it is now not just to my parents (as a youth)...but now having to do it to my hardcore jw wife....well...it just gets frikkin easier and easier...i now think i am becoming capable of stuff i would have never dreamed of...this is scary...

i have decided i can afford it financially though i dread this at 47, since this is the SECOND TIME i would lose half my assets....crap...and my wife is a wonderful lady!...hot even!...but i so want to grow and be totally free...damm the costs are so high...why cant i be content with a non-nagging jw wife?????

oh...and basically it seems that if certain needs (not just sex!) need to be met...and your mate will never know...than it can help your marriage continue with no bad side effects????.....very new to me...........oompa

like esp the sex part...for some reason...and i have confirmed this here on jwd throuth pms...if a jw wife is disappointed with you not "reaching out"...it frikkin affects the bedroom scene???....now how is that?...but it is real..........

noni1974

My dad cheated on my mom many times. It hurt her more than anything else ever could. If you don't want to be with your wife anymore just get a divorce. Don't hurt her like that and then hide it. Your therapist is wrong. It doesn't help marriages. It hurts everyone involved including children. Even grown children. If you want your kids to respect you don't do it. I know seeing my mom in that kind of pain made me hate my dad for being a complete jerk. I don't respect him or trust him at all. Be a man and get a divorce and then start the life you want.

oompa

noni...what a great reply...my dfd son...who i have talked to about leaving my wife...his step-mom...had a fit that i would do it!!...he loves her and thinks i am an idiot for considering it...but that is not me nor should be the main factor in my decision....but if she never knew...where would the harm lie?....believe me....this is uncharted territory for me...i am fourth gen raised in dub............oompa

purplesofa

I think you need a new therapist.

Maybe she wants you?

purps

edited to add, a JW that I know that is fading, divorced, went to therapist, and they wound up sleeping together, that's why I asked.

SixofNine

I think his wife needs a new husband who is not a double lifer and has some boundries wrt spousal (and personal) intimacy.

noni1974

The harm is the lie and the violation of trust. Even if you were the only one to know how can you live with yourself?? You would be a liar and deceitful and not a good person. That is not the way to start a new life. You want to be able to respect yourself. How can you do that if your a liar and a sneak and a cheater??

It does hurt grown children. We care about what happens to those we love. I'm sure your son loves his step mother. You would hurt both of them and hurt your relationship with your son.

watson

Having your cake and eating it too, huh? Listen to Noni. Wise up. On one hand you seem to respect and appreciate your wife, and yet on the other, you are toying with the idea that, "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Being selfish is not always evil, but get the divorce first. You sound like someone that can make up the financial inconvenience.

yesidid

I should hate to be married to a man who thinks so little of his marriage committment that he would consider

going out and finding someone so he could be unfaithful.

It is one thing having a friendship turn into sexual attraction and in the heat of that relationship becoming unfaithful.

But to turn your back on a loving wife....................... is sick.

Go............................she deserves better.

Snoozy

I always heard if you are thinking about it you have already done it..oh wait that was a JW thingy...

Oomp I can understand how you feel..i sometimes felt totally abandoned at times (Hubby was a JW) and I had many chances to cheat..but I felt like that was the cowards way out..at least for me..

It wasn't that he wasn't affectionate..he was..It wasn't because he took me for granted.. He too was a wonderful husband..a good supporter..

I think it was that we didn't share the same plans for our future..it hurt that he believed I was going to be destroyed ..the worse part was when he and his other JW family member would get together and talk about the religion and the new world. If I didn't have to be around when they got together it would have been allright..but sometimes I had no choice and had to be there..It really hurt..they were talking about My Destruction and their wonderful new life in the "New Order". No regards to my feeling at all..

Plus he had plans to devote his time to "Jehovah" when he retired. I faced a very lonely future. As it was he died before he could do any of it..but I had decided I would stay with him ..and love him for the good things I loved about him..they did out weigh the bad..and I am happy we stayed together..

But you have to make up your own mind..that is just the choice I made. I was rewarded with some pretty happy times.

Remember the saying of Sir Walter Scott:
"Oh What A Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practice To Deceive!"

Snoozy....

BabaYaga

It all sounds so good and seems to make so much sense, doesn't it? Well, guess what?

If you don't have truth and respect in a marriage, you don't have anything. Oomps, you are having a damned mid-life crisis with the truth about the (T)ruth awakening thrown in for good measure, that's a LOT to cope with!

Don't let this candy-coated dream of an affair decay your life, your reputation, and your own self-respect.

Love,
Baba.

therapist says affairs can help some/my marriage....really...

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