by Newborn 27 Replies latest jw friends
If you have taken marriage vows (which includes monogamy) then an affair is wrong. Period.
Then you can start rationalizing and coming up with various circumstances, like, for instance a mans wife is in an irreversible coma and he doesn't enjoy sex with her in a vegetative state.
Yep
And if the guy is thinking about having an affair because he wants sex, which they don't have, he's not happy. More than likely he's just full of sh*t.
You know what Jesus said, "..a man even looking upon a chick so as to get a chubby has already committed adultery in his pants..."
I think that is from the New World Translation
Love that greek/aramaic to english translation.
You do realize that this guy you just met is probably lying about not having sex with his girlfriend just so he can get into your pants?
My thought exactly!
Depends on the people and the situation. Never say never.
A man has a wife in a long term care facility - she has alzheimers. He visits her every other day for 10 years without fail. He holds her hand, he feeds her, he talks to her, he sings songs to her and loves her. He goes home alone. His children do not call, visits from others are few and far between. He is lonely.
Years later he begins a relationship with a woman that involves going to a movie, having some dinner, chatting and it eventually moves toward sex.
So he has two wonderful relationships in his life now - his wife and his loving friend. He's 72 years old. So what?
sammieswife.
sammieswife, I see your point but it's still an affair. A couple marries for better or worse. Alzheimers is part of what can happen to people as they get old. Your subjects are in their sixties/seventies. Apparently they've lived 30 to 40 good years as a married couple. It's tough, but it's the hand he's dealt with. While he may still be devoted to caring for her, that doesn't give him the freedom to go out and replace her in other areas.
Another extreme example that I'd be more willing to turn a blind eye to would be someone who is in a complete vegetative state and can't ever react to someone's touch or speech...and at a much younger age. If someone continued to move on with life knowing that the other person is never going to be able to return love and affection, it's a little easier to understand, though technically it would still be an affair...but one that not too many people would judge harshly.
But all that aside, we're talking normal, healthy people here. In the normal, average course of events, an affair is wrong...period. Not that the damage can't be repaired. Not that love can't exist anymore. It depends on a lot of circumstances.
But all that aside, we're talking normal, healthy people here. In the normal, average course of events, an affair is wrong...period. Not that the damage can't be repaired. Not that love can't exist anymore. It depends on a lot of circumstances.
I am not about to judge what level of happinesss a person seeks in the event of a spouse who becomes totally disabled for whatever reason. I believe that vows when taken should be kept however, I also believe that the man or woman who faithfully, regularly and lovingly cares for their spouse knowing full well they will never be with them has not abandoned them during their time of need if they take that path. I would rather see that spouse care for their loved one even if they had a relationship with another outside of that, than I would have the spouse abandon the ill person by divorce. I have seen the ravages of dementia...believe me, I would not quibble over the actions of the able spouse as long as they continued to visit, care for and love their disabled spouse. There is enough room for love in all of those lives and I am not about to judge a person in those circumstances because I have seen the lonliness and despair that the able person copes with. This is much different than when you have a spouse at home who might need your physical help but who is otherwise still a great part of your life and you choose to go out looking for a new partner. In those cases, it is a matter of not wanting the responsibility of caring for a sick person that makes a person cave.
Putting all that aside as you say - if a person is normal and healthy, then they generally don't look for affairs or don't engage. Getting drunk and having a one off does happen I suppose but if it's a repeat then there is no normal, healthy relationship there to base trust on.
We should also recognize that there are a lot of women who simply don't want sex with their mate any longer. They believe (as is the case in many a JW household) that they don't have to do anything because the man can't leave...if he leaves, he loses everything. So they just don't do it. Other women trade off sex for money, a home, freedom and a place in the community. Ditto men. So is an affair always wrong? Depends on the situation. If the spouse is willing to trade off - then they most likely don't care and don't see it as wrong. Women who can't stand having sex (or men) will look the other way because it's better to have a man in their lives than look like a loser without. To them - their weakness and reluctance to change the situation can indeed be seen as approving of an affair. Is it wrong then if it does not upset their standards or morals? That is not for me to say. I don't have those issues and never have.
In cases where there is no sex however, and no willingness to engage or communicate about it - then the terms of the contract are violated and if they are not fixed, then either party should initiate separation before it gets to the point of an affair.
sammieswife.
