..instead I have been surfing the net for the last hour or so, catching up a tiny bit on online school work, then coming here and reading and posting.
I have a job that allows me to write my own schedule. I probably average about 20 hours a week, most of that on Saturday and Sunday. My job is bill collector, so I work when people are home. I am still knocking on doors, but making money for me now instead of the WTBTS. The amount of work I am issued has decreased in the last year -- not because I only work part time but because of a lot of other factors. (I would know if they were cutting my work, I have access to the master work load spreadsheet each day from our client). I am strictly commission, so if I don't work, I don't make money. The economy in the tank is making it more difficult to collect past due balances from an ever shrinking pool of cable clients. I will have to work Sunday no choice... without prior notice, I cant take the entire Fri-Sun weekend off without serious reprecussions at work.
This morning I got up at about 8, had been awake since 7 listening to the news on the radio. I got up and checked my work load status, put my route together, and then just really didn't give a sh*t. I also thought about going to an open house for a nearby university for their school of business, but also decided to blow that off. I will wait until next week when they come on campus to talk to them.
I have noticed my lack of motivation leaching into other areas of my life. I am taking 5 courses at the community college... 3 online, 2 on campus. I successfully tested out of a 6th class so that will save me having to take the time to actually take it (though I will still have to pay for the credits on my transcript). You would think with all the free time I have I should be way ahead on things...you would be wrong. I seem to work up to deadline knowing that I will make it with no problems. It has almost bit me in the a#$ a couple of times.
For example, yesterday I did very little useful. ....Once again I didnt take my garbage and recycling to the curb.... its all outside in bins, so its not stinking up the house or anything.... and I generate very little garbage anyway.
I have been meaning to bake some wheat bread...got the ingredients...just dont do it..... I did finally make another batch of banana muffins (a poster here gave me a great recipe).... but all I did yesterday was go to the post office, bank, grocery store and library...oh and the bakery/cafe where I read the paper and drank coffee...ate lunch there for a change. Otherwise, I just dont feel like doing much of anything. I dont go to the gym (I am not gaining weight or anything, but I have lost a lot of the strength gains I made last year when I worked out regularly). I sit around and watch shows I record on my DVR....but anything useful? Not until I have to do it.
I think I hang out at the bakery just to be around people. Fun to watch people . I just sit in a nice comfy chair in a corner that gives me a good view of anyone coming in and out, and most of the dining room. Interesting to listen to people talk. Drink my coffee and read the paper (or whatever I have with me). Cheap entertainment. But watching and listening is not the same as interacting.
I dunno... I am lucky to have a job. Especially since I know others, including some here, are in a bad situation employment-wise. So I am notcomplaining about my life. Not at all. Logically I know what it is........its depression and I know it. I cannot afford a shrink so dont suggest it. I stay away from pharmaceuticals unless I absolutely have to. I am just venting. Nothing JW-related...other than for the first time in my life (the last 18 months or so) I am having to focus on myself instead of the Borg.
However, for now, what I really need is a shower, a shave, and coffee..in that order. I will get the shower and shave, throw some clothes on, and then head to the coffee....off to the bakery. I gotta get away from the computer and out into the sunlight...
Snakes ()