And that's when the fight started.....

moomanchu

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he
replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

My wife walked into the den
& asked "Whats on the tv?"
I replied "Dust".
And that's how
the fight started.....
************************************************************************

A woman is standing nude,
looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to
her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started... ..
************************************************************************

My wife was hinting about
what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny
that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************************************

I asked my wife, 'Where do
you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....
************************************************************************

My wife and I are watching
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to
have sex?'
'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....

************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into
buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for
$7.95. I told her the beer

would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.....
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried
about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....

tenyearsafter

LOL

My wife asked me, "do these jeans make my ass look big?"..."no, I said, your ass is big!"

And that's when the fight started...

moomanchu

ten,

Never ever, never ever say anything negative about a females body parts.

especially you know what

primitivegenius

(scratches head)............ can an ass be to big? methinks not

Robdar

ten,

Never ever, never ever say anything negative about a females body parts.

especially you know what

Never ever, never ever say anything negative about a males body parts.

especially you know what.

oompa

an old guy walks in to the docs office and the receptionists asked what he was there for...loudly he said...i have a problem with my dick!...she fussed and the old man and said he should have had better manners and said he had a prob with his ear...and told the doc in private later...so the old guy leaves kinda pissed

but he comes back a bit later and says he needs to see the doc...and she says what are you here for....he says it is his ear...she says what is the matter with it....his says loudly...I CANT PISS OUT OF IT!.............oompa

tenyearsafter

I would NEVER infer anything negative about anyone's body parts...but you got to admit that it is funny!

Funny one Oompa!

moomanchu

that is good

try this one next time "your ass is so fat when u sit down u are taller".

let me know when your funeral is.

White Dove

These are good

lisavegas420

these are very funny. On a relatled note, I just received this email:

Husbands' Letter To The Editor

Subject: As Women Get Older

Dear Friends,

It's important for us men to remember that, as women grow older, it

becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping

as when they were younger. When you begin to notice this, try not to

yell at them.

Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an

oversensitive woman.

Let me tell you how I handled the situation with my wife, Amy.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Amy to get a

full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and

for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started

working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets

home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to

rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.I don't yell at

her.

Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets

dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out

is not a practicable alternative. Besides, I'm ready for some

home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.

But now it's not unusual for the dishes to sit on the table for

several hours after dinner.

I do what I can, by diplomatically reminding her several times each

evening that 'they won't clean themselves.' I know she really

appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done

before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging, I think, is complaining. For example, she'll

say that it's difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills

during her lunch hour. But, boys... we take'em for better or worse, so

I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out

over two or even t hree days. That way she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't

hurt her (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my

stronger points.

And when doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest

periods.

For instance, she had to take a break when she was only half-finished

mowing the yard.

I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a

nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for

awhile. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well

make one for me. I know, I know.... I probably look like a saint by

the way I support Amy.

I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men

will find it difficult.

Some will find it impossible and nobody knows better than I do how

frustrating women get as they get older.

However guys, even if you just start using a little more tact and a

little less criticism of your aging wife due to this article, I'll

consider that by writing it, it was well worthwhile. After all, we are

put on this earth to help each other. Good luck.

Signed,

Bill

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Bill died suddenly on April 15 of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch

Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5

inches of grip left showing, and a sledgehammer laying nearby.

His wife Amy was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty.

They accepted her defense that Bill, somehow, without looking,

accidentally sat down on his golf club.

And that's when the fight started.....

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