Well, after much thought put into it I decided to send a letter requesting reinstatement. I met with the JC and tried to reason with them on the prodigal son parable... how the father in this parable did not put his son through a waiting or probationary period, etc but rather embraced him ON THE SPOT... their answer was that the 'walk' to his father's home represents meeting attendance... in other words, the 'works' that befit repentance... any ideas???
I reminded them that in the last 3 years I've attempted to attend the meetings and yet the anxiety that developed brought me tangible unknown illnesses and symptoms that were unbearable and thus had to stop attending... I was told that I had to find a way to make meetings though; that I'd not die because of that...
I was asked how long did I attend meetings in my last attempt and i said about 4 months... "well, that's about 48 meetings... so say you went to 30 meetings..." I said: "no, i hardly missed any meetings and when I did I made sure the P.0. in that hall was aware of it as he himself requested me to do so" .... Them: "well, that's not what we heard, we heard that in the time you went (to that cong.) they hardly saw you".... (btw, I called the PO from the hall I attended and denied this....I trust this guy more than these other ppl though)
Then I kept getting scolded and questioned why I had not been proactive in spiritual things such as getting my wife a home bible study, and I said: 'well, she did want a bible study but that person she made arrangements with never came over"... them: "well, you should've followed up on that, blah, blah"
At this time I felt really bad and hurt because of their hardened hearts and left. However, because I was raised with manners I went back and apologized for losing my composure.
We talked some more and their decision was that I have to overcome my illnesses, etc and that the walk that the prodigal son took represents meeting attendance...
after a mental struggle in which the options I weighted were to either carry on with my life and pretend to ignore everything my life i left behind, or grow resentment against everything or ... the last option was to do what I used to do in the past when confronted by wicked elders... which is follow JC's example of humility and wisdom... meaning do the thing that will not give them any room to find excuses or justifications to reject me...
so I decided that I will start attending both the hall that I attended recently (which is close to home) and their hall as well... if they ask me why, well, it's very simple... I meditated upon it and realized that my previous degree of deviation from the godly ways requires this much 'works' that befit repentance....