For those who chose not to have kids--any regrets?

by Alpaca 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  SPAZnik

  Wow, deep question.

  Hmm, okay, so I'm about four years away from "expiry" myself and really not sure about the whole kid question.

  Was a form of surrogate parent to my siblings growing up, through some serious thick and thin, so maybe that was enough for me.

  Also not sure if I'll ever be able to bring myself to trust a tolerable sort of guy to actually stick around when the going gets rough, which
  the going has been known to do sometimes.

  Stranger things have happened, I guess. Never know. Maybe I'll freeze some eggs. hahahahahaha
  Or maybe I'll just give up the ghost for good and get on with my life.

  I don't know. I've been out of the dubs for nearly 9 years now. I guess if kids were my number one priority maybe I would have jumped the first really likable guy to come along and wow me into ... making some. But I didn't. (I'm self-controlled like that ... and sane ... oh, and way too distracted by math ... which could be my downfall yet. It just stuns me to no end when good things threaten to happen to me. I'm like, what are the freakin' odds?! It's quite distracting. And usually by the time I overcome the shock the threat has moved on to pick on someone else. LOL)

  I read my horoscope recently and it said "you've been questioning your purpose lately, won't you be surprised when the answer is to 'have fun'." With everything I've been through in life, that may well be the way to go. What that means in practical terms remains a mystery to me.

  Who knows.

  If there's one thing I've learned so far in life, though, it's that we never really know what's right around the never corner ... um, I meant to say the next corner. I could delete that, but I'm leaving it in 'cause it's kind of a cool freudian slip. lol

  Don't get me wrong, I love kids. Love 'em. The bro I helped raise watches me with his own kids and can't figure out for the life of him why I've never actually had any. Being part of the 'village it takes' has it's upsides though (and it's downsides too). But "mine" have grown up and built happy lives and have kids of their own and as I sit here in my own empty nest, I ponder how much sincere convincing it would take to get me to risk going another full round. Love can be pretty convincing. Especially if it sneaks up on you when your calculator isn't on. *sigh*

  Regrets you ask? I dunno. Every good, bad, and miserable thing I've ever experienced has in some way or another brought depth and colour and richness and beauty and fulfillment and amazement and strength to my life.

  Kind of hard to regret any of it.
• 

  SixofNine

  The joy and satisfaction of doing a good job raising kids is unparalled. I think this writer expressed it poignantly:

  They Grow Up So Quick

  Man, I tell you, I don't know where the fu$&^g time goes. Seems like just yesterday Janie was bawling a blue streak and shitting herself in the car. Now, she's looking forward to high school, and her snot-nosed younger brother just turned 10. Instead of whining about wanting a pony, they're begging for cell phones, clothes, video games—you name it. Jesus Christ. Kids grow the fusk up so fast these days.

  For years, you're telling them, "Grow the f^%k up," "Stop your goddamn crying," and "Be a fu^&ing big girl and eat that shit your mom cooked." Then, all of a sudden, they're not whiny kids anymore, but good-for-nothing bitchy teens.

  For years, you run your ass ragged telling your kids "No, you can't go to swimming lessons," "No, you're not going to get a clarinet," and "Just shut the eff up about the after-school soccer team." There's never a moment's peace. They won't stop annoying you with stupid questions about why the sky is blue, or what trees eat to stay alive. Then one day the stupid questions stop, you look up, and they're glaring at you with their little zit-faces, refusing to say a word. That means one of two things: Either they got into the cough syrup or their childhood is over.

  Every parent goes through the same process. You find out you knocked someone up, and, once you're sure you can't get out of it, you have about seven months to run around before she shits out the kid and you never get to relax again ever. I mean, in no time, they go from screaming, stinking, toothless babies to pantsless, snot-nose brats who draw on the TV screen with the crayons they didn't eat. Before you know it, you're pushing 40, the Cowboys haven't won a Super Bowl in years, and the kids are getting old enough to hit back.

  You know it's coming, but it's still kind of a shock when they turn out to have devious little minds of their own. You notice 20 bucks missing out of your coat pocket here, a couple cans of beer gone from the fridge there. Before you know it, you're finding cigarette butts and airplane glue out in the garage and noticing mysterious dents on the car. At that point, you have to admit that they're exploring the world on their own, I guess. It's only a matter of time before they head out into the world to find out what a bitch life is and how fuc^&ng good they had it all along, the ungrateful c@(#suckers.

  Soon enough, they'll be 18 and out of the house for good. They'll be all grown up, with shitty jobs, terrible marriages, and worthless fuc&%ng kids of their own. And, as long as I don't have to see any of it, I'll be perfectly fu$*#ng happy.

  Yup, sometimes, it feels like I've done nothing but yell "no," "wrong," and "shut up" for years. I seriously thought my kids would never take my advice and grow the f*%k up. But the worthless pieces of shit did. I guess I'm a better parent than I thought I was.
• 

  blondie

  There were many factors behind my not having children. The strongest one was not wanting to expose them to harm from my pedophile father. Also I did not want to get married and have some man boss me around. By the time I found the right guy, having children was no longer feasible physically. But he did not have any angst to have children. I saw too many jws have children despite the undercurrent in the WTS not to have them myself for that reason. It's good thing that so many jws do have children, the "increase" would be even smaller.
• 

  oompa

  oh what a question!...i love em and hate em!...they were awesome until 13...one only...the other still walks on water as the perfect jw.....but the other...omg....what a mess.........it has been hell since he was 13.........and still is at 22.........shoot me.........oompa
• 

  bonnzo

  if there is one thing i regret..........its not the decision to be CHILDLESS!!! i love kids, just dont wanna be around them all the time. prefer dogs to kids!
• 

  Virgochik

  I got married late. I was very independent and had trouble with male headship because of being raised a Witness. It took me a long time to see not all men were domineering like the Witness guys. I met my husband at work and he's so refreshing! He treats me as an equal partner; none of the headship and in subjection gargage I was raised with.

  By then, I began having "female problems" that made it too late to try for a child. Hubby and I weren't really keen on becoming parents in our forties anyway, but I think we would've had one child if we'd found each other in our thirties. I really have no regrets. We've had a great time traveling the world and enjoying life, doing whatever we feel like without watching kids when we come home from work tired and stressed. We know we may be missing out on some experiences, but we're pretty happy with our lives.

  Sometimes I worry about who'll help us when we're old, but hey- my Granny had five kids, and she's still in an assisted living home, so having kids is no guarantee. I figure that's where we'll end up some day, right along side lots of people who have kids!
• 

  White Dove

  6of9,

  That is so funny!
• 

  jwfacts

  Goodness, I seem to be the only person that has good feelings about having children.

  I did not plan to have children, and there are many difficulties about them, but could not be happier now that I have my own. I guess it is a bit like marriage. Hopefully the good will outweigh the bad.
• 

  Alpaca

  JW facts,

  I hear ya' man. I love kids. Hmmmm....If I could have dumped some of the women I've dated and kept their kids...
• 

  leavingwt

  I seem to be the only person that has good feelings about having children

  Maybe that should be another thread.

  I love kids! I wish I had the resources to have many more. My paternal grandparents had 10 children and they had dozens of grandchildren. It brought them lots of joy. It's a LOT of work, but it's very rewarding and never boring.

  Here are me and my two:

  

  -LWT