I last set foot in a Kingdom Hall in December of 1997. I was a servant who was very active, very faithful and had a wife who was the same way. We walked away without any warning and did not explain to the elders, or warn anyone we would not return. I remember the night we decided it was all wrong and we lived in an apartment at the time. I had a huge library of Jehovah's Witnesses books that had publication I know Witnesses would love to have to this day; as they were very rare. We loaded them up, took them to the dumpster and laughed at how the garbage truck would probably have to put it in overdrive to lift all that weight the next day.
Since leaving I have completely turned away from Christianity, as had my wife. I consider myself a Wiccan, which some people like to refer to as witches. However, I am not a die hard Wiccan and took on several ideas that fit me from Shamanism, Huna, and many other Pagan thoughts. Since leaving, I got a black belt in martial arts and also consider myself to be very different looking from the church going boy back then. I have pentagrams hung up in my house, Wiccan blessings and poems on my walls and actually have a phrase on my licence plate that reads "In the Magick!" and no it is not referring to pulling a rabbit out of the hate magic.
So why am I going back to the Kingdom Hall Saturday. Because I want to be there for my father-in-law and those family members still in the religion, as we attend my mother-in-laws memorial. Well, I wish it was actually a memorial to her, but as we know it will be a couple simple comments about her life and several minutes about her religion and telling you what 'the Witnesses feel will get you reunited with her,' and a prayer to their god who seems to get more wrong then right (yet he is perfect in their eyes. Notice I do not capitalize thier god?)
I went in to my drawer tonight and found my old watch, it was dead from not having a battery in it for years. I went to the jewelry store to get it working and will wear it tomorrow night, why? Because I will be counting down each minute of time until it is over, hoping that perhaps I can do like that little Asian man on the series "Heroes" and make the time go by in a buzz. While I have been asked to not say anything about the faith and my feelings in this time, to the family. Which I might add is great advice and very loving to do, in a situation like this, I have been given permission by my wife to say what ever I want to the Witnesses who will no doubt get off on themselves with phrases like, "You mother-in-law would sure like to see you in the Kingdom Hall again?" and "You know the truth of how to see her again in the New System." I have decided to bottle up and open some prepackaged responses for those. Tell me what you think?
Your mother in law would love to see you in the Kingdom Hall again?
Response - No she wouldn't, she actually loved us and would never wish us ill will.
You know the truth of how to see her again in the New System.
Response - I know the view you had of it in 1997, sure it changed many times since then. Either way, I have an idea about the lie.
Now these incorporate my current beliefs.
Your mother-in-law will miss seeing you again.
Response - Actually, she has never left. Just harder to see and feel for the closed minded.
Your mother-in-law sure loved Jehovah.
Response - She actually just loved hope, and that was the one she bought in this life. Perhaps she will make a better choice in the next one.
Anyway, I will be nice and will go to the Kingdom Hall and pretty much be a good little boy of thirty-eight years. I have a suit, I wear it to several things throughout the year for business and date-nights with my wife. I have facial hair, so they will know I am not attending a congregation in another town. I just am not the person who walked out of that place in December of 1997 and will never be again. One asked me the night she died (an elder I believe), "Are you the son in law who is an inactive Witness, or disfellowshipped?" and my response was, "no, neither of those are titles I accept, I am just the son-in-law, that title works for me."
So from 4:30 to who knows how long these take these days, tomorrow. If you glance at your watch to check the time, know that someone out here in Oregon will be doing the same thing as you.