Niece is getting baptized this summer..Advice

by outofservice 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  outofservice

  My husbands niece called him last night to proudly announce she was getting baptized this summer.This actually was a bit of a surprise to us.Since she is 27 and was raised in the truth. The family is not go getter witnesses. They seem to just do the basics to get by and we figured since she had not gotten baptized in her teens like most of us born in's she just was not that in to it. But now this announcement.We were headed out to diner when she called and only had a brief conversation. We did ask her why she wanted to get baptized. She said because she wanted to be known as a Jehovah's Witness. OK, we believe she really wants to get married and knows she has to be baptized for a good brother to marry her.
  We told her we would call her back this weekend to talk further. So my question is what should we do. I would feel guilty if we didn't tell her the truth about the truth but I also don't want to alienate her and her family.
  She is not really into the deep matters of the truth dates etc. I think that would go over her head. She is quite immature in our opinion. Like talking to a young teenager. So what points should we bring up? Blood changes, Generation changes? I would greatly appreciate your advise .

  Thanks
  OutofService
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  purplesofa

  I would ask your niece if she thought reading one book could make her change her mind about her religion?

  She will most likely say no,

  Then I would ask her to read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, not necessarily to change her mind about baptism, but to

  check things out for herself before making such a commitment.

  and

  see what happens from there,

  if she gets baptised, those seeds will always be planted,

  purps
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  drew sagan

  Well you have the problem of her parents. They are JWs and there is possible conflict if you get in the way of her baptism. OTOH she is 27...

  Stay away from discussions about changes, doctrines, or any of that stuff. It is pointless. You made a specific point that is best not forgotten:

  she is quite immature in our opinion. Like talking to a young teenager

  Most likely she is being encouraged by somebody else at the Kingdom Hall. Somebody that she probably respects more than you. Sometimes people get in the mood of going around and "encouraging" people to get baptized (men trying to be Elders, woman who get pretty zeaolous, ect). You tell her about why it's not true, she will run off to this person and tell them what you said, they will tell her not to talk to you, and that is that. Remember this. While you can't be completely sure that there is somebody pushing here along, if there is that person is in control of her right now. In her immature state she will turn to that person for all of her advice. That's exactly how I was before I got baptized. A young, stupid kid who was eating out of the hands of an guy who was encouraging to get me baptized (he also was a MS trying to make Elder). I wouldn't have believed anything negative about the JWs if it was staring me in the face (in fact it was, I was on Freeminds.org many times before I got baptized! it all just rolled off of me).

  If you recognize your limitations then you may have more success in dealing with her. Realize that any criticms you put out there about the Society will be met with typical responses that JWs use. Why put yourself through that kind of irritation! It doesn't work.

  I think the Ray Franz book is the best option. Let Ray do the talking. More than anything tell her that you simply want her to make up her own mind and that she should be well informed. Don't tell her what she should do but rather encourage her use her own mind.
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  outofservice

  Purps ,

  I love Ray's book and I don't see how anyone colud read it and not see the Watchtower Society in a new light. My husband actually offered the book to her mother to read a while back after a somewhat heated discussion about the governing body. She of course refused it. So I don't know if we can get her to accept it. She lives with her parents still and I know they have alot of influence over her.But we will try very hard to get it in her hands.

  Thanks so much

  OutofService
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  oompa

  well.....this is just frikkin awful....talk about no win.....but all i can say is she can be known as a "jehovahs witness" without getting baptized, so why take the chance of gettin dunked?....surely she knows the price is sky high once she does that.....and ask her WHY she wants to be able to say that.....and does she have a BF?......if she is that old she may be gay (not that there is anything wrong with that btw!)....has she lived apart from her parents?

  You can not "bring up" points......and i doubt an apostate book read is in the cards (sorry purps you know i luv ya)......so whatever you do...assure her your love, never raise your voice, never make her cry....never even make her afraid........and drain or contaminate the baptismal pool.......red or brown dye is best..........oompa
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  outofservice

  Drew,

  You are right I'm sure there is someone pushing her, I don't know who but she has lots of relatives on her dad's side who could be pushing it.I know exactly what your talking about I was 13 and some pioneer sister decided to make it her mission to study with me and get me baptized even though I didn't even think I was ready. I think we will try and keep everything positive and then maybe someday if she has questions she will come to us. Definitely don't want to scare her away.

  Oompa,

  Your the man, hilarious. I hate to admit it but we also thought she might be playing for the other team. My husband and I call her and her sister Patty and Selma.We will keep it low key no drama. Although I love the dye in the pool. Isn't there something about an additive that can be put in the pool and if it turns red if somebody peeded in it? They would all be guessing

  Thanks Much

  Outof Service
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  oompa

  thanks outtaservice....might as well float a tampon in there as well......ya never know what it will take..........oompa
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  jamiebowers

  Why don't you have her read the experiences of the battered lambs at silentlambs.org and then ask her if she really wants to get baptized and marry a guy who has every right to beat the hell out of her? It would be very difficult for her to marry a man outside of the cult once she's baptized. You should stress to her that once she marries a jw, she can never remarry unless he commits adultery, but he can get away with anything short of that. For good measure you may want to add that any children she has will be subject to possible molestation and that she will have very little recourse unless the poor kid has a witness to the crime.

  This is just an awful position to be in, and I'm sorry you're facing it right now. I sure hope there is some way you can change her mind.
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  Elsewhere

  Make sure she understands the consequences of making any mistakes after getting baptized as a JW. Make sure she understands that she is opening herself to being shunned with no added benefits to being baptized.

  Tell her that she will have more options in the future if she does not get baptized.

  You can also let her know that 63% of those born into the religion end up leaving the religion and are shunned. Is she willing to take that kind of risk?
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  purplesofa

  Purps ,

  I love Ray's book and I don't see how anyone colud read it and not see the Watchtower Society in a new light. My husband actually offered the book to her mother to read a while back after a somewhat heated discussion about the governing body. She of course refused it. So I don't know if we can get her to accept it. She lives with her parents still and I know they have alot of influence over her.But we will try very hard to get it in her hands.

  Thanks so much

  OutofService

  OutofService,

  If you do get the book in her hands, I would let the book speak for itself. You don't have to say anything negative about the organization or that you are against her being baptised.

  Just asking her to invest some time in reading a book about the organization from one person that left. The way Ray Franz writes,

  if she is reasonable, it will certainly give her something to think about. I approached my mother in this way to get her to read the book, she agreed with what was written but it did not make her leave the organization. I resolved to the fact that my mother wants to be a witness and I just don't have it on my conscience that she has decided to remain in.

  purps