Why do we care so much?........

by oompa 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  dutchstef

  Here is a tip.

  I have got JW familie who still treat me like a normal human being, like my mother ans kid sister and others who only talk to me when necessary and when we bumb into eachother on the street , like my father and one of my sisters.

  Now I turned it around..... I told them my father and my sister that I won't greet them when I bumb into them on the street. Because for me it's al or nothing... That realy shocked them and it let them feel a littebit like how it feels for me to be shunned.... Ofcourse I hope this will be an eyeopener, and if it does not, at least it feels like fair treat

  Another thing I do is realy good for my self esteem and sometimes also verry funny. When I bumb in to JW's I know. I just say hello to them. The fact that they have to shunn me, does not mean that I have to do the same....

  The reactions are great, some are in total shock and say nothing others talk to me and then ask how I'm doing and try to find out If maybe I'm no longer Disf'd. Others try to run away the next time they see you....but... some of them actualy are nice talk to you ask how you're doing and say hi to me the next time they see me.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Socially and physically we are programmed to NEED someone to care for us from the time we are born. Humans have the longest maturation of any mammal. We just can't survive on our own. Generally by the time we are 20ish (in our culture) we have all the skills we need to go out into the world and care for ourselves. By that time we have usually developed a social network that replaces the intense dependency on the family.

  Now. Children who are raised in authoritarian families do not always delvelop healthy relationships outside the family. Authoritarian families discourage outside family relationships unless they are approved by the family. Children in these families have been told that people outside the family can't be trusted and that the only people that can be trusted are INSIDE the family. Children in these families develop poor social skills. Emotionally they cannot grow up because individuation cannot happen. Individuation means they cannot learn to be individuals with their own ideas and plans for the future. (sounds familiar so far?)

  OKAY Let's add into this authoritarian family structure an external authoritarian structure - a cult. Emotional growth is stunted on 2 levels now. Within the family there is one source of authority. Outside the family, the cult, is the sole source of authority even to the point of superceding the authority of the parents. Now both the children and the adults in the family become stunted emotionally. Their ability to exist independantly, mentally and emotionally, is nonexistent because they are now dependent on the cult for everything.

  Just because we leave the family and the cult doesn't mean we immediately develop the individuation we need to survive in the world. We don't immediately develop emotionally or mentally oro catch up from where we stopped growing. One of the reasons sites like JWD are so needed is that it helps us grow up a bit and then we can use the skills we learn here in the world around us.

  The hard part in all of this is that the child in us still longs for unconditional love and acceptance from our JW familes, people who are totally unable to give it (as long as they remain in the cult). Now some parents can't give unconditional love whether they live in a cult orr not. Even abused kids want to go back to their parents - they just want the abuse to stop. But some JW parents were good and were able to nurture a child enough so that when he/she leaves the cult they are less damaged than others - not unscathed just less damaged.

  But we all need to go through a healing process and a grieving process. We lose a lot by leaving a cult. We often lose family and friends. So we have to start out from scratch learning the things we should have learned as children and teens. We long for something we never had. We WANT our families.

  oompa

  I truly believe some older people would be unable to function wityjout the cult. They need someone to provide rules to live by because they have never developed to the point of developing those skills for themselves. That's not to say some can't manage after they leave - look at R Franz and the Anderson's. And there are plenty of people here who have left when they were in their 40s or 50s or more and they learn.

  And oompa I felt tremendous relief when my mother moved to another city. I no longer felt as neglected and betrayed. I felt the same when I moved from where I was a JW to a new city.
• 

  redredrose

  Oompa, exactly what New Light says! You are stuck right smack dab in the middle of the Matrix! Lady Lee has a lot of wisdom to offer too!

  You can't go back and I don't think you are ready to go forward yet. It looks like your wife is one of those people that Lady Lee mentioned, that can't function without the rules that the WTS gives. That means that you might have to make your own life. That's damn scary. I wish I could help.
• 

  OUTLAW

  :Why do we care so much?

  I don't give a shit, and I don't even give a shit that I don't give a shit!......Farkel.

  ......

  That`s Funny!!.....I don`t really care to save anyone,who does`nt want to be saved from the WBT$ either.....Whats the point?.....So many JW`s are institutionalized..Take the WBT$ away from them and they will die miserable.....It`s much better to let them die Happy and Stupid..LOL!!.......It`s a lot less effort,for No Results..

  ...OUTLAW
• 

  Farkel

  :I don`t really care to save anyone,who does`nt want to be saved from the WBT$ either.

  No kidding.

  Dub: "But where else can we go?"

  Me: "How about going to a nice move? I think "The Exorcist" and "Rosemary's Baby" are particularly delightful.

  Dub: I'll lose all my friends.

  Me: You don't have any Watchtower friends. They're all fakes. Yeah, they'll dump you when you leave, but they'll also spy on you and tell on you while you're still active if they can get ahead in the Organization by doing so. What kind of "friends" are those?

  Dub: "But they're all I have."

  Me: "Loser. Get some new friends, then. You can't do any worse with friends than the back-stabbers that you now have."

  Dub: "That will be so hard to do. I don't think I can do that."

  Me: "You're not only a loser, you're a lazy ass loser, too."

  (Dub starts crying....)

  Dub: "You're so MEAN to me."

  Me: "Not as mean as those dubs you call your friends. At least I'm telling you the truth to your face."

  (Dub starts crying....)

  Me: "Quit crying, dummy! If it will make you feel better, then go back to your Congregation and those creeps who pretend to be your friends."

  (Dub continues crying...)

  Dub: "You don't care at ALL about me, do you?"

  Me: "Not as long as you keep whining and yet continue to stay in the very situation that makes you whine."

  Dub: "Why can't you give me someplace better to go?"

  Me: "Oh, alright. If you don't like the movies I suggested, try "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", then. It's about a very close knit family that shares their recreational hobby together.

  Of course, I only act this way when I'm in a good mood. Otherwise, I'm much worse!

  Farkel
• 

  VIII

  I didn't care until I found Ex-JW boards and read all the crap the dubs have predicted over the years. 1975 was way back in my mind. That brought it all to light.

  I then became a zealot to get them out. That pushed them away. Luckily they are willing (and weaker in the Troof) to let me talk to them as long as I am willing to listen to the swill and take the mags and books.

  Now I have come full circle. I am back to not caring. They will die thinking that they will awaken in Paradise. Sad.

  Next month I could be trying to get them out again.
• 

  LouBelle

  We care because we would like them to be free of the cult - though it's got to come from them - I've learnt this lesson: you cannot force / reason with a believer if it isn't initiated by them.
• 

  Bubblie

  Plant a seed of doubt if you can. Sometimes, it will take root. If it doesn't maybe in time they will see for themselves. I have no family that are dubs. I did have a few people I would like to see get out. They weren't ready.

  Kit