Tell me please! (page 2)

hopelesslystained

i agree with you nj --- but i'm not being judgemental (that's one thing i've never been accused of by anyone) just trying and wanting to understand those who seem to be spinning in one unhappy place.

my motivator to post was because when scanning and reading here this particular time, i found it frustrating and inconcievable what so many were putting themselves through. walking away as you or i did is extrememly difficult. i found staying was worse. i truely feel for those caught in the jw net but have a hard time with those who stay in and are so determined to change others. being close to family is certainly important but not when it is destructive to our or our children's lives. staying away and living a happy life has made my family want to hear from me, i am very carefull about what tidbits i throw in with the possibilty of causing them to think. but, i do not hope for anything to come of it, that would be setting myself up for failure, as i know the strength of that 'everlasting life on earth' carrot.

i guess that's why i never accepted the many offers made to me to help battered women, i knew i lacked the patience. the only reason i stayed for awhile as a battered wife was to be a good jw like the elders told me i should.

hopelesslystained

thanks homer!

nikki -- open forums are a sounding board, not a substitute for the professional help many, if not all of us need coming out of the jw organization. i do not assume that what encouraging comments i may wish to make to others is what they really need. i am only qualified to offer my personal experience(s) and how my actions or lack of, affected me. so you can just 'back off' and not judge how i sound.

sometimes strong words are just what a person needs. if not, then my intitial question stands. the elders thought they were giving me encouragement. wrong!

ex-nj-jw

I agree that leaving cold turkey is the best - (was the best) for ME. Even though I left and never bowed to their rules or authority It still managed to wiggle it's way back into my life and take over my oldest son. He's paying for it to this day. Unfortunately even though I never went back I allowed my parent access to my son and they totally screwed the boy up.

He's in his late twenties now and still trying to get his shit together unlike my other two that I kept totally away from my parents and any JW involvement or contact. I spent years not even talking to my parents because of what they did with my oldest. Now that I look back I should have continued shunning them when he was little but I felt sorry because I wanted him to know his grandparents. I didn't make that mistake with my other children.

When I hear posters on here talking about going back for family, how they can't bear to be away from their family - I may not agree but I try not to make them feel like idiots because of it. I couldn't play that game and I didn't have the time or energy to be around people who could only show conditional love, care and concern. I didn't care if my family abandoned me because I spent my teenage years building friendships outside the JW cult because I knew I wasn't hanging around.

When I hear posters talk about allowing their JW family access to their children I cringe knowing what happened to me and my son. So I try to tell them my story so they can see what may possibly happen if they choose that route.

Oompa - yes I left at 18 with a two day old infant. But I had much support from my best friends family. They were my family and still are to this day.

nj

hopelesslystained

thank you nj. i am sad for your eldest son. my daughter being labeled demonized because she had horrible nightmares was unacceptable to me. her nightmares were due to her jw father coming to her during the night since she was an infant. maybe you can imagine my outrage upon waking up years later and taking off the jw blinders.

we are both on the same page.

i left with no friends or help from anyone. i was 27 with 2 children 6 & 11. much damage to them was already done by the witnesses and family. i had to change my identity, due to a stalking ex. but all turned out well. my life now is outstanding since i stood up and took necessary action. my son even has respect for women now.

ex-nj-jw

That's great Hstained and I'm happy you all are doing well. This cult harms many and even some in ways they could never even imagine. I hope you can hang around and help someone, even if it's only one person with your story.

I was fortunate that I never married a JW so I didn't have a battle with spouse/kids, just my parents.

Take care

nj

hopelesslystained

nj -- thank you again.

sometimes more than encouragement and understanding is needed to make a change in our and our children's life's direction. sometimes emotional encouragement and understanding only allows the requesting receiver to simply stay stagnant, thinking, 'well, i'm right and they are wrong, so now i feel better'. but that encouragement and understanding is not as productive as the well wishers wish. it often takes a "hey, get up off your butt and do something positive about it!"

that's what it took for me. acting on what my gut feeling told me was right and to hell with rest of it and what others may think!

What's the old addage? God helps those who help themselves.

i do understand the need to rant and rave, as i am doing now, but action is needed as well.

my best to all...

flipper

HOPELESSLY STAINED- It is great that you were able to exit the " mind control cult " the Jehovah's Witnesses quickly and cut yourself off from it in a thorough way. Like some posters said - different people exit in DIFFERENT ways. Some it takes years ( I was born -in left at age 44 , 5 years ago due to injustices to myself and others ) - however it took awhile to assimilate that inside myself because I was " cult mind controlled ". If you haven't read Steve Hassan's books , " Combatting Cult Mind control " and " Releasing the Bonds " I think it would help you to see the reasons many witnesses take awhile before exiting . The WT society operates as a " controlling cult " and uses guilt and fear to scare people from leaving the witnesses. Some are more brave than others- like yourself . Some are more fearful and REALLY BELIEVE bad things will happen to them if they leave the cult. Even though usually GOOD things happen in our lives after getting our freedom back. But they are told by the witnesses that horrendous things will happen to them if they leave- that's why some stay - they believe it out of fear. Just my 2 cents to help you reason on this

hopelesslystained

i understand what you are saying, mr. flipper, and know only too well the reasons it takes some so long to leave (that was me from abt age 10-27). but, at some point shouldn't self preservation kick in? how about for those who believe in a loving god to trust he/she knows you are a good person? that all things will work out? but if you get caught up in the paranoia of rejection, a person will never gain happiness and freedom. it all comes with a price tag in the world of humanity. yes, i am adamant on this. the only people who get respect from others, whether they agree with you or not is only if that person makes a clean stand.

it's all hard, extremely hard on many levels, but otherwise a life just spins in circles, much like the jw reasoning.

choosing life

Hstained, it sounds like you had some really bad things going on in your life as a jw. I would think any mother would have to walk or RUN away from that. Good for you and your children that you have protected.

Others have just come to see the jws for what they are, a cult. They may not feel as much a sense of urgency to get physically away. They leave mentally.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Tell me please!

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