by truthseeker 21 Replies latest jw friends
truthseeker
I went back and looked at your comments about cliques
Isn't it amazing that it can go on for so long. People get into their little groups and they just discount anyone they think doesn't belong. The sad thing is that no one got to know you. No one bothered.
Their loss
I've always been kind of shy, even more so as a kid. But I always managed to make at least a few "worldly" friends at school and had a brother very close in age. So I always had somebody, even if it wasn't at the Hall. My dad was an elder and well known and well liked. That gave us some credibility. Adults would talk to us and wouldn't mind their kids hanging around with us.
When I was still pretty young in grade school, we moved to a hall. There weren't too many kids our age. Our best friend became a guy who's mother came, but who's father wasn't interested. I think, because of this, he didn't have a lot of credibility. There were other kids, but a lot of them were a-holes and/or a few years older and wanted nothing to do with the young kids. Although I got to know one and even though he was DF'ed, I kept in touch and still know him and see him regularly today.
We moved to a new Hall when I was probably about 17. There were a lot more kids our age. Maybe a dozen and a half +/- 3 years. By that time, my father was no longer an elder through no fault of ours (still in good standing though). So, we're at this new hall, all shy with the new people. And this hall is gung-ho. They've got at least a dozen pioneers (vs. maybe 5 at the previous hall). And most of all, girls our age. Which I think was the parent's reason for wanting to move us.
So anyway, everybody's kind of in their cliques, not really talking to the new guys. At least nothing beyond polite conversation. But one weekend while my mom was in the hospital, we got invited to something with them. It took them feeling sorry for us to invite us to anything.
A few weeks later (after my mom passed away), there was a big invite to Six Flags and most of the younger crowd were going. Meet in a parking lot Saturday morning. Me, my brother, and one other guy from the hall showed up. I forget the details, but after some polite conversation, we decided to drive down anyway. Somewhere along the way, we found out we all drank. Not only drank, but loved to get drunk. Well, it was a wild day at Six Flags. He bought beer for us. We met some worldly girls, took them to get more alcohol, etc.
Suddenly, a new group of people was talking to us. We were now "in" - at least with some. There was still the pioneer crowd. Our new friends were in the middle. They'd associate with the pioneers and with us. But the pioneers were too stuck up and snobby to hang out with us. Then, somebody in the in-between crowd got a conscience and told the elders and then we were on the run. The people who had been at the Hall for a while were just as guilty as us, but somehow we were ostracized now.
I remember one girl in the middle-crowd had a graduation party. The middle-crowd and the pioneers were there. We found out and showed up. As we walked up the driveway, the volleyball game in the back yard froze. Everybody looked at us as the ball simply dropped to the ground without anybody noticing.
Well, so what? They can have their friends. I still had my brother and my worldly ones. If they didn't want to me my friend, it wasn't going to shame me so that I changed to be like them.
As far as my peers at school, I always worked to not let them know I was a JW. I was embarassed. I knew a few other JWs when I got to high school, but I wasn't really friends with them. Being shy, I mostly made friends with the cast-out crowd. But they were generally better behaved than the popular kids.
I think all of the JW kids I was close to or liked are no longer JWs. I don't really know what happened to all of the pioneers at that last hall. I don't really care either. I don't think they're all still in though.
