Translation
Dear Marco.
I share your feelings. I also went through the crisis you are enduring. After 30+ years of devoted service to the tower, the knowledge of what watchtower really is practically made me crazy. I spent many days, weeks and months sad and depressed. I would have liked to leave everything trace of watchtower behind me, but this has not been possible to this day. I am still trapped even if I stay for my dear family and childhood friends that are in watchtowers tentacles.
Keep strong and continue to feed your faith by reading the Bible apart from the organization's preconceived ideas. Search out the writing of the early father. For example, Justin Martyr, who lived 100 years after the death of Christ. These writings will help you have a clear view of the first christians and the teachings of the christ.
A commentary that I aften use is Matthew Henry. I noticed that Matthew Henry has been suggested by other posters on this forum.
True living a double life is no fun, but at times personal circumstances necessitate it.
I wish you all the best
wannaexit