A little about me. I have been raised as a JW and now I recently found out how full of crap it all is. The lies are just unbelievable at this point. On a side note my parents and my brother all want to leave too my dad is still in as an elder. Me I'm 26 and married to a witness wife and we have 2 kids 3 months and 2. Any way what I want to ask for help with is how to help my indoctrinated wife who at this moment is a super apostle as I call it to see what she's being fed is lies. We live near her parents and they're not helping the situation for her father is an congregation servant aka Presiding overseer. Any advice would be appreciated. Please forgive me if I don't respond in a timely manner I still have to tip toe around my wife as of right now but I want to help her see that this is not the truth.
Hi Everyone I'm Still in but trying to leave.
by former2free 14 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
asilentone
Welcome to the board! I am sure others will give you some good advices!
-
mostlydead
Welcome former2free from a fellow tip toer!
-
no more kool aid
Welcome, glad you have some family support.
-
BonaFide
Hi Former2Free. I am also a long time Witness. I would say be very careful, and do not under any circumstances say that you do not believe the Witnesses or the Faithful Slave. I did that a few months ago, and my family and friends started to shun me. They did not care nor reason about anything, it was all about "Do you support the Faithful Slave." Some on this forum will tell you to leave the Witnesses, leave whatever friends are still in, start a new life.
I disagree for those of us that want to keep family and friends. For those of us that want to help our families, its better to try the undercover approach. What has been working really well for me is to support the Organization. I go in service, I give talks, I comment. I talk about how great the Faithful Slave is. And then I introduce a topic, like Blood Transfusions. For example:
"I am so glad the Society now allows blood fractions. I was talking to a Hospital Liasion Committee brother, and he told me that blood is almost all water, and the other 7% is fractions. So basically we are taking blood, but only after it is broken down. I am glad the faithful slave made this change. And those that died will be resurrected anyway."
Or
"I don't understand why some people leave the Organization over the pedophile issue. Jehovah loves children, and for those kids that are molested, he will erase their memories at Armageddon. We should just trust Jehovah. If there is a pedophile in the congregation, we shouldnt worry, just have faith in Jehovah. And trust the elders. We have to respect the principle in the Bible of having two witnesses. Jehovah will not bless us unless we respect those principles and try to go ahead of the Organization. That is the most important thing, the Organization, not our children."
I have been having good results doing this. Just remember, no matter what, always say you support the Faithful Slave and the Governing Body. Then you can say whatever you want. Its funny because now my friends are saying, "Yes, I support the slave but this point that we learned seems wrong." Then I counsel them and say it doesnt matter what the Faithful Slave teaches, we should believe it. I tell them that if the Faithful Slave says to jump off a bridge, we should do it.
So make you decision how you want to go about this. When I was honest, everyone shunned me. When I pretend I believe, I can say practically anything, AND GET PEOPLE TO THINK.
BF
-
Vinny
My own story and reasons out were posted here just a couple months ago.
http://newsblaze.com/story/20081209054218zzzz.nb/topstory.html
I received hundreds of e-mails from current and former Witnesses alike appreciating my specific reasons for leaving and willingness to show my true identity.
I was an a very zealous and respected JW, and elder, with my entire family raised in it and were all very busy as Jehovah's Witnesses for almost 18 years.
Leaving was not as easy thing to do at all. The penalties are steep. But it was really the only thing I could do. And, for me, it was the right thing to do!
Since leaving, my wife and two kids have also left the faith. But our oldest (my stepson, now 23... I raised him since he was six), is still in and shuns us all.
He knows we love him and hope that someday he sees the light.
You are so not alone. I hope sharing my own story helps.
Best,
Vinny
PS- One more thing; You must be patient with your wife and others that have yet to see the light. It just takes time to undo years of indocrination. But it does happen all the time.
-
still_in74
good job bona fide! I try to do the same thing, I just have a difficult time fawning all over the F&DS while I do it. You have got some serious acting skills to pull that off!
and another Welcome to former2free from another fellow tip toer
-
StoneWall
Hi former2free!
Welcome to the forum/board!
So glad to see all the new ones that have joined in just the last 2 weeks.
There is many on here that are in similar circumstances as you as far as their spouse still in and no doubt you will be
hearing from some of them on this thread.
One thing that I will always agree with is that the truth will set you free. It is man with his untruths that burden
us down and bind us with heavy loads trying to convince us to believe something that we know just don't make sense.
Just hang in there and be patient with your wife and throw hints to her from time to time. Borrowing a strategy from the
Org about giving them a crutch to stand on before taking their legs out from under them comes to mind at this time.
So just always reassuring her that you're there for her even if you don't always see eye to eye on everything can go
a long ways.
Regards,
StoneWall
-
jws
Welcome to the forum. Whatever happens, you will find support here.
Fading can always be a way out without the nastyness associated with disfellowshipping or disassociation. Just start becoming irregular. From what I've heard, many people get pestered, some don't. One poster told the elders he was offended by "somebody" at the Hall and wouldn't say who. He got left alone after that. Seeing you as "weak", but supportive of the org gets you concern. If/when you do show up to see friends, they're happy to see you and encourage you. If they smell "apostate" or "worldly person", that's not going to happen.
As many members of your family are leaving as a group, this might be tougher to pull off. And all of them would have to play the same part together. If you have one person start blasting the org, they'll connect the dots to the rest of the family real quick.
As far as the wife, there have been some success stories and some divorces. Posters like JimmyPage and oompa are in the same situation and have been posting updates recently. Seems like oompa is sort of playing along, going to a meeting now and then, and it seems to be helping. Everybody is at different stages in their spirituality. You and members of your family have evolved past the JWs. Your wife hasn't yet. And she has family in it that will be trying to keep her in. Trying to force your knowledge on her can be big trouble.
I like bonafide's approach. Without seeing it in action, in print he comes off a bit over the top on his love of the FDS. But in action, he could be putting forth exactly the right amount of loyal JW attitude, then zap, you get hit with something to think about. He doesn't stop and follow up and try to make a point. He just goes on and lets it simmer. And nothing he said can be interpreted as being against the JWs. When he says "The org is more important than the children" or "It's OK if people died for not accepting blood that's allowed today, they'll be ressurected", that catches you. It's a 'truth' you've subconsciously accepted in order to be a JW. But hearing it stated out loud and so plainly gets you to thinking. But it was exactly what a good JW has to think. So he's not in trouble.
Of course, it also has to be in the subject of conversation. You probably couldn't just throw out this stuff or it would be more obvious what it is.
buzkid, can't you see the sarcasm? Kind of a backhanded compliment. He says it's working and if it works, who can complain?
-
leavingwt
Welcome, former2free!
In my opinion, it is very important to understand what is going on in the mind of the JW who is a true believer.
In this regard, Steve Hassan's books have been an invaluable help to me.
Combatting Cult Mind Control is his first book. Releasing the Bonds is his second. The first one is available, used, on Amazon for less than seven bucks total. Chapter 4 will amaze you!
His books will alert you to what NOT TO SAY, so as to avoid triggering the "cult" personality.
In general, you'll offer your wife unconditional love and patience. However, you're goal will be to empower her to think for herself. Once she is able to do this, she'll leave on her own. She'll choose freedom.
It is no easy task.
-LWT