Have you been able to find security after leaving JW's?

by MacNCheese 12 Replies latest jw experiences

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  MacNCheese

  Hi All,

  I've been a non-JW (Apostate, DA--depending on who's reading) for about seven years now after growing up at JW. One of the hardest things I've had to overcome was the sense of security that being a JW gives you. For example: I personally am somewhat affraid to fly and remember growing up praying as hard as possible that the plane wouldn't go down and for God to ease my nerves; it usually worked. My first flight after leaving the organization was filled with fear (and meds) at the thought of flying without God being with me.

  Even today, with my Dad being diagnosed with Prostate Cancer my mom keeps saying that she believes God will take care of him (he didn't take care of the other 35,000 that die of it each year but that's another topic) and the thought brings her some sort of comfort.

  Over the years I've learned to rely on myself, family and friends for the comfort and security that I used to get from God and the organization. I feel that these "real" connections are more rich and enduring than the one sided comfort I used to seek.

  Do any of you have a similar story?
• 

  Morbidzbaby

  I find that having to rely on myself to learn the truth about life and "god" has been very liberating. Not being force-fed some ridiculous tripe and learning the facts for myself and forming my own conclusions is a wonderful feeling.

  I'm insecure, but not in religion. Moreso in relationships because I was raised with the fear of "worldly" association. I don't know who to trust right now. My trust in people in general is kind of shaky. I was raised to believe that all worldly people lie, they're all back-stabbers, and they will all turn on you and rip your throat out eventually. Funny thing, though...I experienced these very things 3 times a week at the local Kingdom Hall.

  I think another source of liberation for me has been knowing that I can do things I want to without repercussion. As a JW I let people walk all over me. I cowtowed to what other people wanted. I hid my true self in an effort to be perfect for others. If someone said something offensive or pushed me around, I shut my mouth and took it because "we need to give a good example and not drag Jehovah's name through the mud". Well that all ended the last time I flew lol. I was jammed next to this guy who kept complaining because he had to sit next to the fat girl. The problem was that he actually spilled over into MY seat, so his ass was rubbing against mine during the whole stinking 5 hour flight. He kept grumbling to his wife, and I kept increasing in my level of "Pissed Off". We were late getting in to the airport and everyone jumped up and was taking their carryons out of the overhead compartments and I stood up, but couldn't get out into the aisle because there was a huge tight line of people in front of me and they were there first and well, I'm not rude lol. So he starts barking at me and telling me that I gotta move because he has a flight to catch. At that point, after listening to his griping the whole time and then this, I turned around, looked him right in the eye (which was difficult cause I'm really short lol) and I pointed to all the people in front of me and said "You see all these people?? They have the same goddamn issue as you. And just like them, you're going to have to wait your fucking turn! Now sit your ass down!". That felt awesome! I can definitely say I am secure in my ability to stand up for myself now!
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  StAnn

  Being a JW was definitely not secure for me! If you didn't "endure to the end," you were going to die at Armageddon. If you made even the slightest mistake, you were going to be DF'd. Everyone you thought was your friend or family could be ripped away at the blink of an eye if you weren't perfect at all times. You could be in a car wreck and your mom would stand there and demand that the hospital staff let you die for lack of a blood transfusion. And we were told not to pray to Jehoober and ask for selfish things, you know, like help. Just "thank you for the GB, oh, great non-Triune vindictive God."

  Definitely not a secure atmosphere.

  StAnn
• 

  Quirky1

  Hello Mac & Cheez!!

  Welcome and I appreciate your story. As for security I'm not sure if am able to find that as of yet, with my JW wifey still in, but I am working on it. The JW life has taken a great toll in many aspects of my life and I am trying to regain some ground.

  Quirky
• 

  rebel8

  I actually find a lot of peace of mind in accepting death, something I never accepted as a dub.

  I've been the atheist in a foxhole.

  "thank you for the GB, oh, great non-Triune vindictive God."

  LOL
• 

  passwordprotected

  Hi,

  Thanks for sharing this.

  I'm curious, do you feel that because you're not a JW anymore you no longer can have God in your life?
• 

  lurk3r

  Welcome MACandCheeze. You too Morbidz!

  It's a long road to where you are now, and it's a long road getting to where you would like to be. As children we looked to our parents for security. Now that we are older, we have to find in ourselves I do believe. Perhaps you will find that to one of these days.

  I know firsthand how hard it is to adjust your thinking, after you have been told how to think for so long. God, is STILL there, your just looking at him from a different perspective now, and he at you...your still looking at him, and thats what counts.

  "Do any of you have a smilar story?"

  I don't know that I have a similar story, but i sure have had similar feelings. It's ridiculously hard to go from having the percieved "support" of an organization, to having to stand on your own. It's even harder to have a percieved notion that God is with you, to have him abandon you. I don;t know if you still read the bible or not, and I'm not preaching here, but the story of Job (and not just the overall "theme" of the book) was REALLY good for me. God wants you to stand on your own two feet.

  Congrats on standing up for yourself and I'm happy knowing your gonna feel way better, after you hang out here for a while.

  lurk3r
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  MacNCheese

  I'm curious, do you feel that because you're not a JW anymore you no longer can have God in your life?

  I guess I know longer have a good grasp of who this God is. There are too many versions. The JW God was created by combining seperate works by separate men separated by time and geography. If you take them individually, they all have a different interpretation of who God was. It wasn't really their fault, this inaccuracy was perpetrated two mileania ago by Paul. Read the gospels one at a time and you'll see they all had different versions of who Jesus and God were. Then read the gospels according to the writer: Followers of Paul (Luke, John) and Hebrew Jews (Matthew, Mark) and you'll see how they are similar. This all leads to a confusing picture and makes it even more confusing task of deciding how he's supposed to be in my life.

  The only way to get rid of the initial guilt of leaving was to research and find for myself what the truth is (outside of GB propaganda). I feel like I've done sufficent study of the history of the bible to refute the JW story as it was created, but this has also muddled what the picture of what God is. So I've become satisfied with being an agnostic, with that thought that no one can know the "truth", and living my here and now life to the fullest.
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  passwordprotected

  Do you feel secure now?
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  Scarred for life

  I agree with passwordprotected. You can still believe in God. Why don't you visit some other churches. You might find one that describes God in a way that you can believe and worship in a way that makes you fell secure.

  I never felt secure as a JW. That''s one of the main reasons I left. I agree with StAnn. Definitely not a secure atmosphere. Fear and guilt separation from people is what I remember.