Over the Easter period my family and I took a well deserved break. We travelled to our hometown to celebrate my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. However, the treatment we experienced from my in-laws was totally appalling. The shunning policy was displayed with full effect. Not that I really cared because I expected it to happen. However, the treatment of my wife was what has angered me. I decided to write them the following letter which outlines the events and why I was so outraged at their hypocrisy. The tone of the letter is very harsh and angry, but that is my intent. Whether they will read it is another matter. I have substituted names with Brother-in-law,Sister-in-law, and my wife.
Dear Family (Mother, Bother-in-law and Sister-in-law)
Oh yes! I refer to you as my family because that is still how I view you. I am writing this letter out of my own accord and not because of my wife’s ( your daughter, and your sister) advice. You may choose to continue reading this letter or you may not. The choice is yours. This is in response to events that transpired during our visit to our hometown over the Easter period. These events shook me to the core as to how a family can shun their very own flesh and blood just because of holding a different viewpoint to theirs. If the tone of this letter sounds harsh or angry it is because I am truly outraged and appalled at your treatment of us (or at least of your daughter and sister for that matter).
I am going to address the three of you individually in this letter. Each one of you will receive a personal copy of this letter as well.
Mother, I will address you first. It saddens me deeply as to how you can shun your very own daughter and bar her from entering your house simply because she chooses not to be a Jehovah’s Witness anymore. I am not one to speak of or gossip about others (something that is the norm amongst Jehovah’s Witnesses), however, I feel the need to point out the hypocrisy on your part by allowing your disfellowshipped son to come and go as he pleases in your house. I know for a fact that you are being harassed by the elders because of this and it puts you in a predicament. As far as I know my wife(your daughter) has not been formally disfellowshipped and nor have I for that matter. The elders tried their utmost to do that but I threatened them with legal action if they ever do. No doubt, I am viewed as disfellowshipped and an “apostate” even though no formal announcement was made. I refused to play by their silly rules and be a part of it. Those very elders that harass you about this will bend the rules when applying it to others or their very own families. Here I could bring up the issue of the elder in your congregation who had a disfellowshipped son living in his house while still enjoying full privileges. I am sure you all know who I am speaking about. But, oh yes, you are not allowed to question the leadership in your organization. You should just follow them blindly. In addition, just to make it clear, I do not support the disfellowshipping/shunning policy of the Watchtower Society. I think it is a despicable practice that many religions use to keep the rank and file in check.
Brother-in-law, I am totally appalled at your treatment of your sister. You and everybody else may choose to shun me but you should know that it doesn’t bother me one bit anymore. Even in your so-called disfellowshipped state, and while I was still an active believer, my family and I never shunned you. My door was always open for you to come and enjoy holidays and your little breaks that you so desperately needed while you were living in Johannesburg. And it still is. Not even glance at me, your sister, or my aunt sitting in the car in front of your mother’s house over the Easter weekend was forthcoming from you. How incredibly arrogant and rude of you! Or is it that you are trying to get back into the fold? Even if you did not want to greet me or your sister the least you could do was greet my aunt who you most definitely know. Yet you guys will choose to associate with family and friends down there who have done far worse things than what I have done (according to the Watchtower standards for that matter).My only crime, by the way, was writing a book exposing the Watchtowers doctrinal flip-flops and cover-ups that they so desperately don’t want the rank and file to find out about. But that is your choice and you to may wish to continue to shun us in the future. And I will say it once more; it makes no difference to me anymore.
Sister-in-law, the very same applies to you. During your days of being “out of the organization” we never shunned you. Our door was always open. You too could have made an effort to see us, or at least your sister, while we were down there. Your sisteris just a phone call away. We were definitely not going to force our way into mother’s house knowing full well she does not want us there. So, we respected her wishes. She told your sister in no uncertain terms that we are not welcome there.
Furthermore, we could choose to keep our children away from visiting you but we will never resort to that. Mother, you are their grandmother and we will not keep them from you or the others. Yes, you are still family. But know this. They will never be raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses and we would appreciate it if you do not indoctrinate them with Watchtower doctrine whenever they visit. It saddened me to hear my daughter say that it bothers her that her mother and father are not welcome in her grandmother’s house. How do you think my seven year old views her grandmother now? And know this; she is quite an intelligent little girl for that matter.
The point I am trying to make hear family is that the Watchtower Society has broken up this family and many more like this for decades. You choose to follow and believe twelve men in Brooklyn, New York (your so-called Governing Body), whom you have never met, over your very own daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, wives, and husbands. You choose to follow the dictates of these men who sit in their ivory towers and control the lives of over six million people. As far as I am concerned these men run a publishing company that masquerades as a religion.
Do you know how appallingly you must be perceived by those outside the organization? However, Jehovah’s Witnesses are led to believe that this is a form of persecution. It is due to instances like ours that Jehovah’s Witnesses are classified as a destructive mind control cult that breaks up families and sacrifices their members, including young children, to their wrathful, violent and sadistic god due to the blood doctrine.
If Jehovah’s Witnesses are so sure they have “the Truth”, why should they be afraid to let the rank and file read any information critical of the Watchtower society? They should be confident that their doctrines and teachings should stand up to any sought of scrutiny. Think about that!
I am not the first and I will not be the last to expose the Watchtower for what they truly are. There have been thousands before me who have done this, including a former a Governing Body member, former Circuit Overseers, District Overseers, Bethelites, Elders etc. But all the Watchtower Society has to do is label us as “apostates” and it instils fear in the Jehovah’s Witnesses. You see, it easy just to label us and tell you not to read our books, talk to us, or associate with us. If you do you are threatened with being disfellowshipped and cut off from friends and family. Why? What is the Watchtower Society so scared of their members finding out about? Makes you think doesn’t it?
I greatly admire my father for not shunning me or my wife. I know for a fact that he is pestered by your elders as well for choosing his course of action. However, in my mind he is greater than any of you or the elders in that congregation. He only has love in his heart. As far as he is concerned I am still his son and my wife is still his daughter. He assured us that will never change. And he has an excellent relationship with us and our children. However, this letter is not about me and how I am being viewed by Jehovah’s Witnesses, but rather how you treated your daughter and sister.
Apart from all of this we had a great time with my family in Uitenhage. We celebrated a huge milestone that was my parents’ 40 th wedding anniversary. Both my wife and her other sister were made to feel at home and part of the family. No shunning was practised whatsoever, only acceptance and love. It was also good to see Aunty Mable and her family again.
In conclusion I just want to say that we are still the same people that you remember us to be. I am still the same son-in-law, and my wife is still the same daughter(and sister) you know. The children are doing exceptionally well at school and we are proud of them. My wife loves her job at school and it has helped her to move on. We have made lots of new friends who accept us for who we are and not on condition that we belong to their particular religion. Their love and friendship is unconditional. This is more than I can say about friendships in the Witnesses. It is an entirely unnatural and unscriptural thing to allow a group of men to convince you that, because I no longer think they are what they say they are, you should act out of harmony with your natural love by shunning me or your daughter and sister for that matter.
Our lives are far richer and truly happier since we have left the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The organization has no authority over me (us) anymore and I do not fear them one bit. In contrast, they are the ones that fear me. It is utterly laughable to see former acquaintances look the other way or cross the road when I approach. Wow! What great power I have! Furthermore, the Watchtower Society would want you to believe that everybody who leaves their organization goes on to live a life of debauchery and leave for selfish reasons. You are so mistaken if you believe that. There are people out there who live far better lives than most Witnesses I know. And as I stated in my letter to the elders that I wrote to them after they so arrogantly hunted me down after publication of my book; I will never be back. I cannot suddenly unlearn what I know is wrong with the Watchtower Society. No amount of shunning will ever cause us to go back to the Watchtower Society. Please understand that. That organization holds your minds captive. But that is the price you guys have to pay for wanting to stay in such an insular organization.
I have ranted enough. Family, the ball is squarely in your court now. Feel free to call us or pop in for a holiday now and then if you choose to. If you so wish we will not even talk about anything Watchtower related. We can still be family even though we may hold different religious, political and personal views. Our door is always open. What you choose to do with this letter is up to you. You may wish to show it to your elders as well if you so wish. And we all know what they will tell you to do with it. I really do not give a hoot. The organization is so damn scared of me because I have secrets that they know I can expose on a much larger scale here in South Africa. Those secrets you guys have the right to know.
Lots of love
Robin