by minimus 41 Replies latest jw friends
Did Rocco help you out? (I love that bird).
Thanks Minimus. Rocco wasn't around then, he's only 4 1/2. But he's helping me now. He's helped me learn that the greatest pleasures in life are often the simplest, ordinary things that we often take for granted.
W
the greatest pleasures in life are often the simplest, ordinary things that we often take for granted.
W
Word.
My oldest g'daughter recently related to me how much joy she used to get out of helping me rake leaves and burn them in our backyard. We would sit around the fire and talk, talk, talk.
I couldn't afford weiners for all of them, so we used to put leaves on the ends of sticks and pretend to have a "weinie" roast! I never knew they enjoyed it so much!
I don't have any advice or suggestions about the 15-year old, save that his parents should just dig in for the long haul.
Sylvia
What I found out was that there is little help until the kid commits a crime and the police get involved. And then the authorities look at the parents and say "why didn't you do something to stop this"?
Until then it's up to the parents to pay out the nose for rehab/counseling for a kid who is not ready to be helped. By no means am I saying that rehab doesn't help, but usually in this situation if the kid doesn't want to change you can forget it until he/she is ready. That's where tough love comes in and you have to let them fall flat on their face and deal with the consequences.
It took my son until he was 26 to realize that we were there for him, he didn't have to go through all drama he went through and that we weren't the bad guys but actually loved him and supported him and wanted the best for him. He's paid dearly but at least he's still young and seems to be on the right track now.
Growing up is a biatch and you couldn't pay me to be a teenager in 2009.
nj
Yes, being a teen now is not like the old days. I wonder if counseling really does anything.
Yes, being a teen now is not like the old days. I wonder if counseling really does anything.
When I was 15 my parents sent me to a shrink for counseling. After several sessions, he told me the solution to my problem was to get out of my living environment. He didn't offer any advice on how to go about it. At 15, that advice was useless.
W
It didn't help my kid min because he thought he had all the answers, we didn't know jack about jack and just needed to leave him alone to live his life the way he wanted to. It was "his business" not ours. I spent many of days in the counselors office wasting my time and money because he wouldn't even talk to the guy, he'd just sit there. The whole thing was one big fat waste of time.
But I did it anyway hoping it would help and something would click. We did everything the doctors and counselors and psych. docs told us too.
Like I said sometimes you have to let them fall and hope they get themselves together. You have to set boundaries and not let them get away with anything but it is very, very, very hard. I hate to say it but I spent many of days regretting that he was born because he took us through so much un-necessarily.
nj
you couldn't pay me to be a teenager in 2009.
being a teen now is not like the old days.
Geez...you sound like our parents when we were kids.
Every generation has its challenges. Some generations may have it a bit easier than the one before or after, but kids are resilient...maybe more so than their parents. They don't know what it was like when we were kids, they only know the world they live in now and they adapt. And most adapt pretty damn well.
So minimus knows of a teen who is heading into some major trouble. That doesn't make all teens bad or the environment around us today bad for all teenagers. While I know a couple of "bad" teens, I know even more that are good. Actually I've been pretty impressed with most teens that I have occassion to meet or associate with. They seem to have their shit together much better than my generation did.
I'm sorry, min, I don't have a cure all answer to help this troubled kid. It may take jail to straighten him out. Having dealt with a similar situation, the only thing I've learned is that you can't mollycoddle them. You got to lay down the law, and stick to your guns. It may hurt to see that kid hauled off to juvey or jail, but it's the only way to make things better for everyone involved.
Good luck.
A wise old woman once told me that you have to hate them before you can actually love them!
I hated my oldest daughter from 13 until 21.
Mother wit is priceless.
Sylvia
Geez...you sound like our parents when we were kids.
Yup! and that's all I can base it on is my experience of when I was a kid. I could ride my bike until it was dark and not worry, I could stand in front of my house without fear of being shot at or hit with a stray bullet, I could play outside and not have to deal with drug dealers, I could go on and on.
Things kids deal with today in 2009 I didn't have to deal with in the 60's and 70's. I never experienced a class mate being killed, my kids have. Some bring on the problems for themselves some have no choice because it's their enviornment and they can't escape it or don't know how.
nj
Sounds like he needs a mentor who has the ability to listen while distracting him with a new direction.
