Wow, garybuss! That's what I call gettin' it done. Something inside you was able to rise above it all and put yourself on the track to success and stay there! Too bad many succumb to the pain of it all and shrivel up into a "poor me" kind of person. You are a great example that you have to draw from your own reservoirs of character and take the first step. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
For the faders and inactive - is it possible to be a regular Joe?
by truthseeker 15 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
Except for allotted grieving time, I haven't seen myself as a victim. I learn much more from my failures than I do from my successes. I can't be defined by my past or by the people who want to control me. The two best living lessons I ever learned was: #1. How to make decisions, and #2. How to deal with failure.
For a former Witness like me the land-mine of life is success. As a group, we can handle adversity much better than success. At least that's my personal observation. It was true for me. One of the worst days of my life was the day I moved into a brand new paid for house when I was 40 years old.
I found that grief follows achieving a success. When I achieve a success, that means I have lost a goal. Often, it's that goal that was motivating me. The best place to go after achieving a long worked for goal is counseling. -
BabaYaga
Gary Buss said:
Witnesses taught me that success is a sin and education is dangerous.
I just thought this bore repeating. Terrifying and true.
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HintOfLime
It's all about changing thinking patterns in the brain. Breaking mental associations and building new ones.
Your brain is a network of nerve cells, and each nerve cell may be connected to up to 10,000 other nerve cells. The 5 meetings a week are deliberately designed to build and then re-inforce specific patterns in your brain. The 'read a paragraph, then ask questions that repeat the paragraph' is an exercise to get YOU repeating what you have been told to really drive those patterns in there. The songs are a catchy way of implanting specific stories and emotions into your head. Assume that every minute you spent at the hall was deliberately designed by social engineers to maximize their opportunity to program your brain.
To break free of it, you have to actively contradict those patterns - you have to break them by demonstrating to yourself that those patterns are no good. They don't work. And then you have to build new patterns that overpower those patterns.
If I hear a voice in my head trying to beat me up over this or that, I yell back at it. I stop letting it beat me up, and I beat the hell out of it. I actively pursue articles on the web, watch TV documetaries, etc. that give me fuel to throw back at those voices. I watch and think about articles and documentaries that reinforce the philosophies and values I strive for. Basically, you can't just take things out of your brain, you have to feed it something new and better. This has worked very well for me, and I can honestly say I don't even have thoughts like 'you are a sinner' or armegeddon is comming' or any of that nonsense anymore.
For witness 'rules' with no benefit, I intentionally break them. This gives my brain an experience which contradicts those wt patterns. For a few weeks, I made it a point to swear and cuss about things my friends were swearing or cussing about. I don't swear or cuss often now, but I don't think about it as a 'sin' or such when I do it. I grew a bit of facial hair, and discovered nobody really cares (except my family, but I just remind them that Jesus had a beard, and the bible says nothing about it.. that's just witness tradition.) I color my hair for the fun of it.
I read whatever I want. I watch whatever movies I want. I associate with whoever I want... and the result? I've made some great friends, witnessed some incredible stories (even those that say 'fuck' 4 times instead of 3), and learned a lot of incredible things. Those brain patterns the watchtower gave me are proving more useless all the time, to the point that I no longer consider them 'useful'.
Obviously, some brain patterns may be useful (common sense), so be selective in deciding the value of what you learned. Extra-marital sex does not automatically equate to an STD, but there is risk associated with unprotected sex.. so get the facts and be smart.
There are a lot of brain patterns to unlearn, and some of them can take a long time, but that's a possible approach, and it's one that worked well for me.
I would recommend you keep looking for answers. Until you find new answers to replace the old, the old will continue to nag you.
- Lime
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WTWizard
I like that I already know what it is like as a witless, and therefore will not be tricked into going back. But, having the hounders knowing where I live and work, and having them know the route I have to take to get to and from work (there are a few bottlenecks where I must cross), my biggest worry with that organization is that I will be picked up by force at one of those points and dragged in field circus.
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shopaholic
Witnesses taught me that success is a sin and education is dangerous.
This was true in my case as well. Thank goodness my dad is not a JW and wanted me to continue my education. Anyway, feel more and more like a regular Jane. I'm volunteering, organizing social functions for non-JWs, preparing to take a vacation with non-JWs and just living life. You really have to get out there and just live.
For a while, after learning the truth about "the truth" I didn't feel real. I questioned everything almost to the point of insanity. Then at some point I had to give in to the fact that I been duped since I was 5 years old. It takes while but helps if you are not trying to live your life in limbo. Its not for everyone. I know some folks on this board do it and I tried it for awhile but I just couldn't take it anymore, not even just for show.
Have you spoken to any of the well-known members of this board, either in person or on the phone? They can really helps put things in perspective. When I went to my first meet-up I was super late because I almost didn't go even though I had arrived in town the prior night. Once I got there everyone was nice and normal and I wasn't stricken with leprosy. It was a bday present to myself although I didn't tell anyone at the meetup it was my bday. My advice...is to live life and enjoy your freedom on your terms. After a while you learn to control the indoctrinated thoughts that pop up every now and then.
Anybody who says money won't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop. Beautiful... adding Gary to my list of heros.