My JW Life... (LONG)

by silent 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  jookbeard

  welcome friend
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  steve2

  Hello there Silent. You put a lot of good heart into this thread and I'm so glad that you're beginning to get a sense of making your way through the storm. It looks like it's been a very, very close call for you with your plans for suicide - that suggests you have been in unbearable pain!

  Use what you're learning to become stronger because the road ahead will be strewn with lots of emotional blackmail by your nearest and dearest. I was lucky to have a mother who was "tolerant" of my questioning - provided I never left the organization! It was so difficult for her to listen to my concerns about the organization and then try to tell me to "wait on Jehovah". The good news is that eventually my mother saw more and more clearly that the organization was just like other organized religions: All about preserving their reputation and nothing about the pursuit of truth. But she paid dearly by her family of origin abandoning her - even though she never spoke out against the organization (but she refused to cut me off!).

  Welcome again Silent. I'm so impressed with your recounting the journey you're on. Stay on board!
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  Albert Einstein

  Hi silent!

  I guess we are the same age and we have many feelings the same. Stay in touch, keep searching and remmemebr: God wants you to be happy!!

  Albert
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  Chalam

  Hi Silent,

  Over this past week, due to the things I've read on here, I've had a MASSIVE cloud lift from me and I'm starting to feel joy and love in my heart that I've *NEVER* felt before. I thought by reading these boards I was at risk of becoming 'apostate' and all the hooplah you're led to believe. I've actually found the *EXACT* opposite to be true. I feel more love for Jehovah than I ever have before and actually feel human!!!

  I felt goose bumps all over when reading this :)

  John 14:23 (New International Version)

  23 Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

  John 14:15-21 (New International Version)

  Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

  15 "If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be [ a ] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." All the best, Stephen
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  silent

  Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm going to go through and address all of them.

  Purplesofa: Regarding your comment about love, I think that the overwhelming majority of people who end up in the truth are really daft and out of touch with life. I'm simply trying to do what's right in spite of them. Keeping in mind too that we know if we have the right religion if we have love among ourselves. Well what if our congregation doesn't have love? Well in Revelation there were lukewarm congregations in which Jesus figuratively spat them out of his mouth. I'm not trying to defend the dubs here - merely thinking that since the truth seems to attract retards, then you're gonna have retarded things happen in your congregation. I do wish that they'd have more skits and things about how to show love to others. Sounds stupid but consider the intelligence level you're dealing with at the average kh. Instead of concentrating so much on how to defend the truth to others, they completely forget about their own members and let them suffer in the name of preaching. Then of course any suffering or hardships is because of Satan's system, things are tough, the pressure is on, etc. Well what pressure I ask? I was talking with my fiance about life and I said, "Yeah times are tough and hard but right now, they're not that bad. We both have jobs and can still travel and do things." She agreed. Eventually I'm sure things will get tougher because Satan is rather a miserable leader who thinks only of himself and that just spells trouble. Our view is that we're going to live our lives to the fullest and in as good of balance as possible. We're going to love each other, invite people to have fun with us whether they are dubs or people of the "world" and deep down inside, simply give Jehovah credit for it. By and large though, like you say Purplerain, I have found it to be an insult to my intelligence as well. There is so much stupidity rampant amongst the dubs, I just really have to seperate myself from them and seek out the few quiet, intelligent ones. It's a pity shame it's this way because it's not a normal way to live and maybe in part, that's simply one of the challenges we face when trying to do the right thing. People really are dumb though...really dense.

  Warlock: I agree with you about the treading lightly with how you think and feel. It really is an insult to how you were created and how we were all created...namely to look at the facts and make a sound decision on whether to believe and/or what to believe. Of course one must do it with an open mind, proper motive, and with zero preconceived notions - which is rather hard considering how we're all bombarded with multiple views from a plethora of sources. I believe the Witnesses have the closest thing to the truth, however I refuse to let someone control what I believe. What makes this religion so difficult to function in is that if you have an open mind and wish to have indepth religious discussions (using the Bible as your guide), it's really hard to try and find someone to have the discussion with. If you talk to one of the retarded or a servant, you'll get ratted out and the thought police will come down on you. I go to a meeting when I feel the personal need to hear some Bible talk and because I believe we do need to gather from time to time, but I refuse to go on a perfunctory basis, without thought, without feeling, without proper motivation and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let a bunch of retarded dubs affect my actions negatively. I've finally gotten to the point where I've opened my mouth a few times and by and large, I'm left alone and I love it. I've always known when I'm right and this is one of those times. ;) I'm sure with time the thought police will start asking questions but I live out in the country and so fading is something I'm already good at. I just want Jehovah to know that I believe in him and what he teaches but I also let him know in prayer that I think a lot of his Witnesses are idiots, have serious problems, and they make life hard to deal with when it's hard enough without them.

  BabaYaga: Thanks so much for the welcome. I'm glad to find a forum where people care to listen and can be respectful. I don't always agree with people but I'm always respectful and it's wonderful to be afforded the same courtesy.

  Passwordprotected: Thank You! I'm loving it too! :)

  jookbeard: Thanks for the welcome. :)

  steve2: Yes Steve I did put a lot of thought into that. That's the condensed version of the story but it covers the basics. If it wasn't for my wonderful fiance, I'm sure I would have become very bitter but I'm seriously blessed that she thinks just like I do. We've both had one hell of a start in life and it's time to do what we need to do in order to make it better. We've chosen to not live our lives on hold because that induces mental illness and so many of the friends are in that boat and don't know what's wrong. If you read what Jehovah's original purpose for man was, and knowing that will bring the greatest happiness, then that is naturally what you're inclined to do. So do it, enjoy your life, and just make sure you give Jehovah credit in the process.

  Indeed I had numerous close calls and death was really a welcome friend. Out of this whole ordeal I'm still a right-to-die advocate because really, there are some situations in life that aren't worth living through. I see no greater faith in a resurrection than opting out for now and having a go at life the 2nd time around. If your last sin is suicide, well once you're dead, you're forgiven and if that's Jehovah's law, then he'll abide by it. Maybe Jeuss would have a little chat with you at your resurrection and tell you he didn't care for your last reaction to life's hardships but heck, with Jesus talking to you, you'd probably do a heck of a lot better the 2nd time around. :) (Nice to know he personally cares.) Anyway, getting back on track - I'm sorry about the emotional blackmail and pain you and others have gone through. Really, any viewpoint should be free to be shared as long as it is biblically based. If people start interjecting ideas that are simply conjecture, then you just as well go read sci-fi books and try to prove that's real. Open mindedness is a wonderful thing if the motive is that of pursuance of the truth and unfortunately, there are so many close-minded dubs (and those in powerful positions) that people don't dare open their mouths. Just keep in mind that everyone who claims to be a Witness, even those in power, are NOT witnesses. That's a powerful thought. :)

  Albert Einstein: I know what you're saying Albert - Jehovah does want us to be happy and isn't it a load of BS when tons of things that cause unhappiness come from those who are supposed to be fellow dubs?

  Chalam: Thanks so much for sharing those verses with me. I have them saved and have read them over several times. My motives for posting on this board to begin with wasn't because I was looking for an excuse to not seek truth - rather it was borne out of something inside didn't feel quite right and now I'm feeling much better with myself. Must be something larger at play here. Thanks again.

  sign me silent
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  PrimateDave

  Thanks for sharing your story. It is good that you are feeling better now. It looks like you've come up with your own religion based on your familiar Witness upbringing. I, too, have felt better lately. Not only have I completely rejected the Watchtower Society, but I have come to see the Bible as a mere man made book and Yahweh (YHWH, incorrectly translated as Jehovah) as no more real than Zeus, Thor, or the FSM (Ramen!).

  If you hate the Bible and are looking for that excuse, you'll find it.

  Fail. If I know the Bible better than you do and well enough to say that it is filled with myths and contradicions, do you think it is because I hate it? I do not. I know it better now than I even did as a Witness. I was raised by a pioneer mother and an elder father. My mother studied with me in the old pink Paradise book. I gave my first talk at the age of seven in 1975. I even remember the scripture that it was based on (Luke 14). I got baptised when I was 14. I later became a Ministerial servant. I was a Watchtower reader. I learned Spanish to reach out to immigrants. In time I was a Spanish book study conductor and Watchtower reader. I wasn't looking at dates. 1975 didn't phase my parents in the least. 1995? Not a problem to me. September 2001 didn't worry me one bit.

  In fact the Watchtower Society's interpretation of the Bible never bothered me. It was the Bible itself that failed to make sense more and more as time passed. In 2006 I finally allowed myself to look at the Bible without the Watchtower publications as a guide. I read Who Wrote the Bible? by Richard Friedman, which is an excellent introduction to the Documentary Hypothesis; Is It God's Word? by Joseph Wheless; and Biblical Nonsense by Dr. Jason Long. I can't begin to tell you how much relief I felt when I saw all the absurdities and contradictions laid out so plainly for all to see. I then began to realize that these were the kinds of books that the Watchtower Society and similar religious businesses don't want their customers laity to know about. Without the Bible, they have no claim on authority. Indeed, without the Bible, neither Yahweh nor Jesus stand up to historical scrutiny.

  No, I don't hate the Bible. I just see it for what it is. So, Silent, you're not outside the box yet. Enjoy the good feelings while they last.

  Being so born and taught, so I naturally believed. For religious belief is all but exclusively a matter of birth and early teaching, of environment. A man takes and holds, though often most indifferently, the religion, or brand of belief, of his fathers, of his family. Born a pagan, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Mohammedan, a Mormon, that he remains, except one time in many thousands, through life...

  - Joseph Wheless

  Dave
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  marked for reading later...... oh...WELCOME SILENT...

  Snakes ()
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  BonaFide

  Welcome. I came on here a few months ago, and it really, really got to me. I was and am an active Witness. I was a missionary also. Me and Snakes are graduates of MTS. There are a lot of elders, ex-elders, and long-time Witnesses on here.

  We have all gone through a lot, emotional ups and downs, trying to talk to family and friends, getting our eyes opened as to the lies. Its an amazing journey.

  Hang in there, and keep reading.

  BF
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  donny

  Welcome Silent,

  I understand where you are coming from and many of us here have been there as well. It is a great feeling when you take off the Watchtower blinders and see things the way they really are. Just remember, take your time and you will see more and more in the real light as time goes one.

  Don
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  ataloa

  Silent,

  I'm sorry for your pain, but I just had to laugh at this:

  I even went shopping for a gun at Walmart but I couldn't buy one because I was too cheap and frugal.

  Now THAT IS chintzy! But then again, I had thought of using water, myself.

  I hardly ever read long posts, because it's hard to focus that long, but I did read all of yours, and I'm glad I did. As purplesofa (aka purplerain) said, there are some here who still believe some of the doctrine. Welcome to the board!