Well to start i was raised a JW. My Girlfriend is as member of Sovereign grace ministries. I have not been to a meeting in 15 years, i have attended the Memorial every year. We broke up a month ago because i cant get pass the way i was raised. all ex JW know what im talking about. the catch is she found out she is 2 monthe pregnant. She says we cant be a family till i get myself together. We dont have any problems but religion. thats the only problem and its a big one. I dont believe everything i was tought was the truth but i have a large family most in the "truth". I really want to be a full time dad not just on the weekends. I really love her and i know she loves me but she says we need to be on the same page with teaching our child if we are going to be a family. i dont want to lose my kid and girlfriend or my family. whats a brotha to do? I plan on going to her church in the morning but im not sure if i can join. I know that if the JW"s are right im not gonna make it the way im living now so should i just go all out and be happy with my baby and girlfriend. sorry for the spelling i been drinking, trying to drown the sorrow of being raise a JW. the source of my problem. Any comments will be helpful, thanks.
Need help.
by lostjdub93 15 Replies latest jw friends
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mrsjones5
Oh you poor thing. Hold on, help is coming.
Josie
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k9groomer
i been drinking, trying to drown the sorrow of being raise a JW. the source of my problem.
I don't agree with this at all . Though I've seen it several times in this forum. A lot of people have different problems in life but they don't stay resentful and live in the past. Time to move on and you can't do that living in the past. You can't change it, you CAN do something different today or change tomorrow.
Also don't agree with "forcing religion?" Why do you have to accept her faith to raise this child correctly? Religion isn't about God. That's my problem with the JW's.
My hubby and I compromised. He was raised Mormon I was raised JW. He started attending a Baptist church while we were split up and he invited me. I was very skeptical, but ended up loving it. I think it's great for us to start our relationship over this way in a neutral "religious" way for us both and we are doing great. We also attend on Wed. nights to a class that helps deal with addictions and problems, etc. It's a really great program.
I don't think its fair that you have to do something you aren't comfortable with because that's what she wants. She has a choice just as you do.
Good luck maybe you will like her church give it a chance:)
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no more kool aid
What is involved in this Sovereign Grace Ministries? Is she saying you have to be a member of that to be with her? They may be just as bad as JW's then. Is it real involved could she just take the baby and leave you out of the religious upbringing? Could the two of you find a new church together? Then the baby could decide when he is older. Or am I getting that you are afraid of being DF'ed? Try to define what worries you the most, you really have a lot on your plate right now. All the best. Listen to all the advice you are about to get. Don't call her while you've been drinking.
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yknot
Number one she has about as much right to force her religion on you as you have to force yoururrent c non-religion on her, respecting each others right of freedom of religion (or lack of) is a basic fundamental right (Hell Billy Graham was Baptist and his wife Presbyterian).
It is one thing to attend an quite another to actually join.
No More Kool Aid here is their main website along with Wiki and an EX-SGM sites.
www.sovereigngraceministries.org
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereign_Grace_Ministries
Ummm Lostdub93..... they cause me concern. Out of the WTS frying pan into a boil pot..... I noticed on one of the EX sites the phrase 'Christian Legalism' and every JW knows how legalism dictates our majority of our lives under the WTS yoke.
Perhaps you should make it a priority to figure exactly what it is your believe by reading the Bible alone and as a couple so that you get a full sense of her personal beliefs. Frankly I personally would rather see yall in non-controling denomination or even just at home bible study- hell compared to controlling churches agnostic might be safer. Maybe do some church hopping. Just make sure she knows you are willing have a respectful open mind as long as she too obliges you the same. Be delicate with her though she is in a delicate state physically, emotionally, and mentally.
If you marry the girl before delivery you will fare better in influencing your child and ultimately if things should not work out have a chance to argue joint custody during a divorce. Right now being un-married puts you at a disadvantage legally regarding your baby.
The WTS wasn't appointed so you ain't birdfood for not being a JW should Armageddon arrive in your lifetime, within Christianity there really is only the personal relationship with and through Christ (regardless if you believe in trinity or remain non-trinitarian), the rest is 'fellowship'. I would hope that you don't leave this child to only be raised in SGM it seems as bout as prudent to raise your little one exclusively Dubbie.
In the end all any of us wish for you is to have a healthy, happy and balanced life.
Glad you have joined!
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ziddina
Well, your girlfriend may have an eeeensy, teeensy bit of a point about 'getting yourself together'... Almost every one of us who has exited that cult has had to go through that stage; some of us are still going through the remnants of it.
Hear, hear about the (excess) drinking! Sad to say, that is a common problem with good, upstanding Jehovah's Witnesses as well.... So, please don't hate yourself. That would probably only exacerbate the drinking.....??
First of all, relax. Let me say that again....
REEEEEEE - LLLAAAAAAXX....... Take a few nice, deep, slow breaths....
There is no awful flying finger of fate/Yahweh coming your way... That's just a big scaredy-tale.
I'm awfully fond of saying, "Jehovah and Satan are opposite sides of the same coin. The name of the coin is "CONTROL thru FEAR".
In other words, you've been taught to RE-act to everything. If you are out of the JWs, that's the first, most important step. The next step is to undo as much of the JW "mind control" as you can. For some people, it means finding a therapist - and I would STRONGLY recommend that the first question you ask ANY potential therapist is, "Do you have any experience helping people who have exited a Christian DoomsDay cult??"
If you can't afford a therapist, then remind yourself - you've just exited a Christian (well, JWs are sorta 'Christian'...) DOOMSDAY cult. Get your hands on every book on cult manipulation that you can. Read, read, read. Research on the INternet. Chat/boards are good, too; but keep in mind that, though everyone will be trying to help you, some of the advice will fit your situation, and some won't. A healthy, independently-thinking mind is like a muscle - it'll get stronger the better you feed it (reputable books written by accredited scholars with actual college degrees, and balanced viewpoints by ex-members - the "Crisis of Conscience" is a great one!) and the more you exercise it...
Hope some of this advice helps.... We're here for you in any way we can help! Zid
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no more kool aid
Yknot, what great links.
Lostdub93, these links are probably just the tip of the ice berg. I think you should really do some research on this group. Check out their theories on parenting.
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ziddina
"Things that make me go Hmmmmmm....." I just read the websites posted by Ynot... Sure hope lostjdub93 gets his hands on some good books about cult dynamics... Hope his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend is open to reading them, too...
Good points, Ynot! That group [Sovereign Grace] sounds iffy, to say the least... Zid
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Chalam
Hi lostjdub93,
I think this, you need to check out the options and make a choice. Here they are.
1. Either JWs are right and the church (born again Christians) are wrong.
2. The church is right and the JWs are wrong.
3. Both are wrong and there is some other truth.
Now, it seems fairly clear you have already found that option 1. is not correct. Thus, it is time to check out option 2. Plus, if you find it is truth then you will get to have the desires of your heart (wife and child) Psalm 37:4 :) Option 3 you could be searching for a long time so maybe best to give option 2 a proper look first?
Bear in mind this
John 14:6 (New International Version)
6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 3:3 (New International Version)
3 In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
All the best,
Stephen
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lostjdub93
Sober writing today. So i went to her church today, and the sermon was based on Matthew 6:19-21. The pastor went on for 45min. saying this is why you should give to the church. He said he gives 5% in addition to his 10% tithe. he said there is no pressure to give but you should store your treasures in heaven. I was laughing inside. its just unbelivable how he twisted the scripture to fleece the flock. i have been doing some reading on the sites listed, thanks for the info. I belive in God, but i really dont know if i can ever join a church. I think some religions have some truth but it has all been twisted. well im off to do more reading.