I can barely type this. I was answering questions at Yahoo! Answers when I noticed that a former elder I met from SoCal had made a very funny but gross little story outlining how the jw's got their start. It comes from a guy named Grand Poobah Olin and here it is.
Once upon a time there was a greedy young man who wanted to get rich, so he hooked up with an old codger with more money than him and learned all he could about writing a religious rag that would serve his purpose. Getting rich!
Well the old man angered the younger one who then decided it was time to form a sect based on occult teachings that could help him market everyday wheat as miracle wheat that he could overcharge for.
After a while the man became a child molester and decided that to be in his group everyone had to be one too. So he showed everyone how to manipulate people by scaring them into believing Jesus came in 1874 and would destroy everyone that did not let him and his people molest their kids in 1914.
By now the once young man was getting pretty old. He would spend his days sunning himself in Florida and his nights with his mouth pressed firmly against Satan's bunghole. Satan would poop out all kinds of false teachings for the old child molester to write in his magazines.
eventually the old perv died of a belly ache in a train car after having molested a little Mexican boy and his female cousin for 18 straight hours. He passed the torch onto his board of directors who dropped the ball and allowed an alcoholic, wife beating pratt to take over their publishing empire. He continued to write false teachings while sober and get drunk at night so he could get an erection and chase little boys around Brooklyn alley ways.
Satan was angry because he was not servicing the bunghole and was instead getting his false teachings from a lesser spirit creature named Lilith. While Lilith did get her ideas from Satan's bunghole, Satan felt that His organization should feed directly from his bunghole so he killed the drunken bastard by having a rabid bat pee into his scotch.
After that the JWs lived happily ever after while sucking on Satan's bunghole and receiving their spiritual food at its proper time. Namely whenever Satan had a bowel movement.
The End