What finally pushed you over the edge?

by keyser soze 40 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  keyser soze

  Was there one issue or incident, final straw, so-to-speak, that made you leave once and for all? I know there was for me.

  I had been having doubts for years, and had stopped believing it was the truth. But I labored on as a JW, in part because of my family, and in part because I had invested so much of myself in it. It was the only life I had ever known. I kept waiting for something, anything, to convince me it was the truth again, to put me back on the path. I wanted so desperately to believe it was the truth. I just didn't want to accept that the first 30 years of my life had been a complete waste. But the last CO we had while I was still in shatterred whatever illusions I may still have had.

  For starters, he was a staunch company man. He removed more elders than all previous COs, probably combined. Among these were men I thought a great deal of, even considered friends.

  He also tended to view people as numbers, as evidenced by a comment he made to a friend and I after a meeting. We were talking about how there were many who were leaving the organization. He responded that it didn't matter, because there were others coming in. That's what mattered to him, not the souls that were being lost.

  What finally clinched it for me, though, was an experience he gave during one of his talks. It was about a shepherding call he made on a brother who was strugging spiritually. His meeting attendance had become sporadic, and he had become inactive. The man explained that he was going through some difficulties, both financially and personally. He made the comment that he couldn't wait for the new system to get here so he didn't have to deal with these things anymore. The CO responded by saying "Why do you want the new system to get here? It's not like you'll be there."

  So his survival was dependent on meeting attendance and time spent in the ministry? What about what was in his heart? Isn't that the basis on which Jesus judged people? I had always known that JWs put emphasis on works, but the signifigance of it had never hit me until that moment. I decided then and there, that I had had enough of this religion. I attended a few more meetings until I moved out of the territory. That was 3 and a half, years ago, and I haven't been back since.
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  BonaFide

  Keyser, your post really moved me. I did the same thing, in fact sometimes I still wish the Witnesses were right. I gave my youth to the Organization. Now I am in my 40's, still single. I tried so hard, and I suffered so much. I let others judge me and I thought they were from Jehovah.

  Not sure if you knew this, but when I was a C.O., we got extra info from the Society, comparing our percentages of re-activating, disfellowshipping, and other numbers, to compare with other circuits. No wonder C.O.'s are so number conscious, I was.

  BF
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  choosing life

  Ever heard the talk about picking up sticks on the Sabbath? It was given by a CO and he told of an Israelite man who was so poor, that he had to go out on the Sabbath to pick up sticks to keep a fire lit to warm his family.

  Well, the man was worthy of stoning because no work was to be done on the Sabbath. Period.

  Then the CO asked if some were missing any of his talks to go to work {many worked shiftwork}. Bringing it all together, he said they were in the same position as the ones needing to keep warm.

  They all deserved death! Crazy thinking. I was out this Sunday picking sticks up out of the backyard to tidy up a bit. I told my husband Look> I am picking up sticks on the Sabbath. I guess there is no hope for me.

  One of many talks that set me packing.
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  Joe Grundy

  ' I was out this Sunday picking sticks up out of the backyard to tidy up a bit '

  Sundays are OK. Friday sunset to Saturday sunset is the really dangerous time! (Tongue in cheek, honestly!)
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  Ténébreux

  It was about 10 years ago so I don't remember the exact incident, but one comment that really sticks out in my mind was from an elder who was reminding the congregation to hand in their reports, "...because what if the End were to come and you had forgotten to put in your field service report? Well then you wouldn't have been a preacher of the Good News that month, would you?"
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  wizardca

  When I was told I was being materialistic when I bought 4 year old car since the car I had been driving (which was older than me) was starting to nickel and dime me. Oh, but it was ok for the elder to purchase Lexus and he wasn't materialistic or anything.
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  Tea drinker

  A public speaker saying that soon "97% of the worlds population will be obliterated." This was followed by nods from those in the congregation.

  I already knew then that JWs were all wrong but was still going but that statement disgusted me and I felt like screaming with indignation. I decided then that very day that I would begin my fade.

  I am still in the process of fading carefully due to family concerns.
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  Pistoff

  What took my heart out of it was seeing that my teenage children could not be who they were, and go through the hell years, and be treated like human beings in the congregation; the combination of a lying elder and a heartless, drill sergeant of a CO (are you still out there Jack Thomas?) just took the wind out of me.

  But it was finding out that they really were hiding child sexual abuse that set me off. I thought at first that it was just inept or corrupt local elders that were responsible. As I researched the issue, I discovered that it was a systematic oppression of victims, and tolerance for offenders.

  That made me sufficiently angry that I began to read everything I could get my hands on.

  For a while I thought they were just another religion, neither worse nor better, until I realized that if you can't question what you believe in openly or to leadership, you are in a cult.

  JW's are a cult; I never realized it of course while I was in it, but that is after all how cults work.

  I am very thankful for this board, for Blondie's weekly piercing of the WT study, for Just2laws great advice, for the scholarship of Narkissos and Leolaia.

  It is very good to be free.

  P
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  RubaDub

  The One-Towel Rule did it for me.

  Rub a Dub
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  donny

  Like Keyser, I remained around for a short spell after losing faith that it was the truth hoping somthing would reactivate "the love I had at first." What really tipped me over to the "other side" was an incident that really opened my eyes on how much the organization "watched" over you.

  I was a supervisor at a national computer repair company over about 30 customer service personel. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I had just received a call from one of our major clients complaining about the ineptness of the Field Engineer who was there earlier trying to repair their computer and the perceived rudeness she received when calling our customer service center.

  After the call I gathered everyone for a meeting and told them what the caller had said. One of my comments was "The lady told me that our Field Engineer obviously did not know what the F.U.C.K. her was doing." I spelled the word out and the reason I included the word was so the folks would know how upset the client was.

  Unbenkownst to me, one of my employees was also a Jehovah' Witness. I found this strange because this woman had been working for me for a year and had never identified herself as such. Conversely, I had an Insight on the Scriptures on my desk and everyone knew I was a JW.

  Apparently my spelling out the "bad" word stumbled her and she apparently told an elder in her congregation, which was in Garland, TX, the same city my place of employment was in. The elders there called the Society on Wednesday and gave them my name and were told that I attended the Farmers Branch congregation. Farmers Branch is about 25 miles from Garland.

  The Garland elders then called one of the elders in my congregation and told them of the incident. On Thursday evening around 5:30 pm, 48 hours after the incident, I arrived home to find two elders parked in front of my house. As I got out of my car, they were doing the same and approcached me and asked if they could meet with me for a moment.

  I said "sure, come on in" and we went inside and sat in the dining room. One of the elders asked if they could start by asking for Jehovahs blessing and began to pray. During the prayer, the elder asked Jehovah to allow my heart to accept the counsel that was to be given. For the rest of the prayer I was asking myself "what did I do?" and I was frantically trying to recall anything "bad" I had done but could not think of anything.

  After the prayer, elder #1 asked "Well Donny, anything new lately? Do you have anything to tell us?" I looked at them and said "nothing out of the ordinary, at least nothing comes to mind. Why"?

  The elder #2 said "Well we received a call from the Garland congregation and a sister there reported that she had been stumbled by some bad language you used at a meeting at work."

  "What?" I replied. "What sister? I don't have any sisters working for me." Elder #2 said "Yes you do and she has worked there for almost a year."

  "Well I find that strange that a sister could work for me for a year and never introduced herself as such. She obviously knew I was one. So what bad language did I use?"

  "She said you spelled out the "F" word at a meeting.

  (Have you seen those movie clips where the camera is focused on a person and the backgound is rushing all around him as he is transported back to an incident that had just came to mind. That was how I felt at this moment.)

  The elder continued "and she said she found it disturbing that a brother would use such a word, especially in front of so many worldly people."

  I don't know what came over me, but I became very agitated and told the brothers "Get out! Get out now!" My then-wife jumped in and said "Don, don't talk to the brothers that way!"

  I retorted "I can speak anyway I want. We have the Service meeting tonight and they could have pulled me aside then instead of making a special trip to my house over such a trivial incident. I feel like I have being followed by the CIA!"

  The elders tried to reassure me that this was a small issue and I replied "Small? And a 'small' issue warrants a special visit by two elders?"

  They said "We will continue this later," and left my house. That night at the meeting, no one approached me on the incident and never did afterwards. I remember thinking how quick and effircient their spy network was. From that point on, I was never the same and I understood how much control they had over me.