Frustrated - This is not going well!!

heybaby

I haven't posted in a while, so I'm glad to be back. My husband and I got into another fruitless discussion last night. It actually turned out to be more of a fight than a discussion. I tried to CALMLY bring up some of my concerns about Witnesses (failed predictions, lack of true love when you need it most) and it's like he put up a wall. He got so angry with me and told me the programmed Witness crap about "this is the only true religion; no other religion preaches!" I told him that he wouldn't know because JWs are the only religion we've ever been in, and the only information we receive is what the GB wants us to hear. It got pretty ugly. I want to leave the Witnesses, because I no longer believe that they are the only true religion, but as you can tell, this is not going well at all. I risk losing my husband to gain my freedom. It just isn't fair!!

mac n cheese

Heybaby,

I'm in exactly the same situation, only my husband doesn't want to discuss it, at all. I've given up trying to convince him to move faster. He does everything at a snail's pace, despite the fact that I know he thinks there are a lot of things wrong with this group. We've both been raised in it our whole lives and while I have mentally chucked it all and am ready to be done, it will take years before he's done. That makes me sad.

Try not mentioning things for awhile? That worked with us. He actually brought up things that bothered him. I just told him he was right and left it at that, but inside I was jumping up and down and hoping he was done. Nope. It's a very slow process sometimes.

Hang in there.

Mac

Witness 007

Not worth it...trust me I've been thru hell the last 12 months...not worth losing the Witnesses if it involves losing a loved one! Screw the arguements if you know in your heart whats true.

drew sagan

Very sorry to hear of your situation. It's an all to common senario within the WT.

At this point you may want to consider rethinking your approach. JWs will typically put up that wall to arguments against the faith. The issues are complex but because of fear and pride they will resort to simple arguments that label all situations as black and white, good vs. evil, true or false.

One idea is to figure out what your boundries are and then use that as a starting point. Rather than trying to convince the other person that the WTS is incorrect in its teachings you instead simply be honest as to where you are. The key would be to use the boundries you have already set (such as, I can go to a meeting a week but not 3) as a guide. When arguments about "but they are the only religion because..." you divert "that may prove something to you and if that's how you feel then go with it, but it no longer works for me so lets compromise".

I started to do this a little bit towards the end of me and my wifes experience with the Watchtower. Rather than focusing on trying to "get her out" i simply started asserting what I would and would not do. Eventually she followed me out. I was amazed to hear the negative stuff she said about the Watchtower after I simply made up my mind.

Keep in mind that for other people they may attempt such compromise and still end up with arguments and broken relationships. There is not "right" way to go about this, but I am of the opinion that arguments about the WTS usually fail. You have many factors to consider

Quirky1

Heybaby, I just had the same ugly discussion with my wife over the weekend. It was an absolute fruitless discussion that ended up in an argument. I feel like it is a no win situation.

OnTheWayOut

HeyBaby,

My wife shuts down in any discussion of WTS. She knows I can talk doctrine and all she can do is say "They have basic Bible truths that nobody else has." Our marriage has managed to be based on things beyond the JW's. I know that's not always the case, but it can be in some marriages. If things ain't working out, seek marriage counseling (not from the elders). If he refuses, do what you have to do for personal happiness. If he cannot be reasoned with on this, don't reason with him much.

I say that, but will never give up entirely on my wife. It's just that life cannot be about constant arguing. I stopped being a JW and I still have a great wife, except she is a JW. If you cannot have a great marriage, do something to seek your happiness.

sinis

I agree, set your boundarys, if you decide not to go that is YOUR business!!! When I first decided to leave the dubs I had issues with my wife. I just told her that I would support her if she went, but I would not go. I started to slyly bring in counter dub doctrine points as being "interesting". It did get bad for a while, but since I did not want to lose her I used theocratic (cough..bullshit) warfare to my advantage. I told her it was not only pathetic that you would leave someone based on religion, but that your own GOD FORBIDES IT!!!! We eventually sorted things out and she rarely goes if ever now. She still "believes" but seems to have an open mind - she has not broken completely free but I'm still working on it. TIME heals all wounds, and it takes LOTS OF TIME to sort the dub thing out between mates when one believes and one falls away. Good luck!!

insearchoftruth

OTWO

Great advice, my wife is studying, again, and I find that is the best way to deal with it.....ask questions but definitely know the boundaries, and try to not cross them, unless basically invited to.

ISOT

sspo

I know what you're going thru...it happened 3 years ago with my wife, was turned in for apostacy but never got Df.

Eventually i faded but lost my marriage of 26 years.

Be patient and i hope things will turn out well for you.

choosing life

It is best not to confront your husband with facts he doesn't want to hear. If you love each other, just take it slow. The wt wants him to choose them over you.

If you can just slowly fade away from meetings and service and keep the peace, things can work out. You know your husband best and what pushes him into a corner. Avoid the corners, no one likes to be pushed into one.

If you decide to fade, remind your husband that you still love him.

Frustrated - This is not going well!!

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