When would an "I'm sorry" help?

by The Berean 10 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  The Berean

  Human interaction today too often seems to feature either playing the role of "offender" or "offended." Most parties involved in an altercation plead "not guilty" regardless of the evidence.

  But are there times when a simple unconditional "I'm sorry" might prevent a harmless spark from becoming a raging inferno?

  I pesonally have offended people hundreds of times during my life and have been offended to the same extent. I can not recall an instance when another party offered an apology without adding, to the effect, either " you didn't understand" or "I'm imperfect, get over it"!

  It seems that what we need to work on as a society is acepting responsibility for damages done without attempting to deny anything occured. For instance, those who have had negative experiences within the WBTS might have found closure sooner and moved on if those involved had simply stated "I'm sorry if I caused pain" ... period
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  The Berean

  There seems to be little interest in this topic:

  I'M SORRY ...
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  BabaYaga

  Hello, Berean! Yes! I understand what you mean, all too well!

  I had the realization that, being raised as a JW, I was not used to telling someone that I was sorry. Far from it! As Witnesses we are taught to ALWAYS have a ready answer, to always be right! This follows us in our lives and can destroy us, it we don't un-learn this anti-social behavior.

  I myself was proud of the fact that I could rationalize anything... but that was to protect me from taking responsibility and apologizing. It is truly astounding all of the bizarre and unexpected ingrained traits and fears we have from this upbringing... so much to recover from, so much to learn.

  I started a thread on this some time ago...
  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/164812/1/The-Fine-Art-of-Saying-Im-Sorry

  Love,
  Baba.
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  mindmelda

  Because "I'm sorry" would be viewed as an admission of guilt? I don't think the WTBS ever believes they're wrong, they call it something else. They "tack" back and forth on doctrine, they "get new light" or "make adjustments" but they're never just flat out wrong about something.

  Yes, I remember being a real arrogant asshat with people and thinking I could defend anything I believed because everyone else was so stupid and didn't have "The Truth".

  It took me a long time that other people have wisdom to offer too.
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  Perry

  There seems to be little interest in this topic: I'M SORRY ...

  I'm sorry Berean....were you talking to me?

  For instance, those who have had negative experiences within the WBTS might have found closure sooner and moved on if those involved had simply stated "I'm sorry if I caused pain"

  Are you suggesting people who got burned by the WT tell those who are still in,"I'm sorry if I caused pain"? Your point here is unclear to me.
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  palmtree67

  I've heard it said that there are 3 parts to an apology:

  1. I'm Sorry.

  2. It won't happen again.

  3. What can I do to make it up to you?
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  The Berean

  Perry, perhaps I lacked clarity in my initial posting.

  I am sorry when pain results from interaction. But having regret does not, in my mind, assign or accept blame.

  For instance, my Mother expresses grief at my choosing to leave the organization: I am sorry about that. It doesn't mean I am wrong ... it only means that I wish there were a better way for it to "play out." I also wish that as I face the trauma of separation that others would be saddened at what I am going through, not lamenting how it makes them feel etc.

  I guess I am talking about a "no fault" exppession of empathy. It's not about pointing fingres.

  And my second posting was my attempt at humor!
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  Big Tex

  I've had apologies from family members over the abuse I suffered as a child. It helped. Not as much as I would have liked, but it did help. To be fair, it's unfair of me to expect a simple to apology to make up for what happened, ultimately that's my journey and part of who I am. But the apologies did validate the experience.
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  WTWizard

  Most important is to take reasonable steps to prevent the problem in the future, and to correct the damage it has caused. If the problem is caused by something that will take time to completely resolve, it is wise to explain that it may happen until the problem is gone, which may take a while. If it is caused by something that happened in the heat of the moment, trying to identify the cause of the problem and eliminate that source goes a long way.

  And, trying to undo the damage. One might be sorry about misleading a person into the Jehovah's Witless religion. But now, it might only be possible to just avoid practicing that religion and to attempt to point out the error to that person (who will probably not believe that there is a mistake). Or, one might try to prevent the children from having their lives ruined, only to have believing witless parents keep those children away from you (and still allow them to be with pedophiles within the congregation). One might also post on these forums in an attempt to prevent new studies from becoming witlesses, in an attempt to make up for the ones that got scammed into the cancer. But, even if fully undoing the damage is not possible, one can at least eliminate the cause so other people will not become victims.
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  beksbks

  My mother is a perfect example of what you are saying B. Myself and my siblings had a rather rough childhood. Like many here. But my mother is absolutely incapable of just acknowledging it. If the subject ever comes up, the only direction she can go is "well how do you thing it was for me?". Never even "I know you kids had it bad". That alone would go a long way toward easing the resentment.

  I think an "I'm sorry" is always helpful if it's sincere.