Workmates have told me that I seem to have loosened up...and they didn't know of my journey out of the JWs. They just noticed I had changed somehow.
And they're right...I have loosened up. I'm not concerned so much about what others think about me, especially JWs.
It's tough having lived your whole life having to worry about what every little thing you do reflects on the organization. Once you realize that you don't have to do that, you find life a little easier and less stressful. That's not to say, I don't have financial worries or health worries like a lot of other people, but as I deal with those circumstances as most other also have to, I don't have to consider how any decision I make will impact my standing o the congregation of if will stumble someone, etc.
I can also enjoy things that come natural to me or spark my interest. If I see a movie that looks interesting, I don't have to worry about the rating or worry if someone will see me at the theater. I enjoy live music but was pretty conservative about what shows I would see as a JW. Now, if it interets me, I go and enjoy. Even little things like having a martini at a bar is relaxing and enjoyable where before I might not do it in case another JW saw me and was stumbled.
I sense that I'm not as angry as I used to be. I've learned to let shit go. That includes some of the anger and bitterness I had toward the religion. I can't change them, I can't stop them, but I'm free, they don't control me, so I have to let it go. My only obstacle is to try to get some of my immediate family out. That's the struggle.
But they've noticed a change for the better. Even though they're not happy with my being inactive, they seem to notice that I'm easier going and less argumentative. I'm more laid back than ever before. They like that. Lord help them if they ever witness me after a toke...I'm about comatose calm then...
