post your funniest Accidental Decapitation story

Nathan Natas

I don't have one, but somebody must. Let's yuk it up!

'Tis the season to be jolly!

Hey, if you don't have one - MAKE ONE UP - no one will bethe wiser!

unclebruce

I'm always loosing my head around here, i don't think it's very funny but once you're used to it its the only way to go.

I nearly decapitated a Valiant Sedan once by stretching piano wire accross the road .. does that count? .. hey i was just a little kid

Scully

This isn't actually about Accidental Decapitation. But it may as well have been for the poor bloke it happened to.

This happened about 3 years ago. The hospital was super busy and as our ward had open beds whereas the rest of the hospital had no beds available, we had some very interesting patients come to our unit.

We received notification of a pending admission. Middle aged male. Diagnosis: Scrotal trauma.

We nurses are a sadistic lot ... we giggled at the thought of some poor schlepp who'd pissed off his wife or girlfriend (or maybe both!) and got knee'd in the groin.

The ER called with report on the patient. I took the call.

The patient stated that he is a deer farmer. It is common practice just before winter for deer farmers to liberate their deer from their antlers, so as to prevent them from damaging windows on the property.

The patient had been attempting to do this. On an unsedated deer. On an unsedated deer whose head was clamped in a vice. On an unsedated deer whose head was clamped in a vice, using a hacksaw. Apparently, Bambi was not impressed by these goings-on, in fact, it was a safe bet that Bambi was downright annoyed. Bambi tugged himself loose from the vice. Bambi gored our friend in the groin.

Our friend did not notice anything out of the ordinary until he realized that he felt some moisture (just moisture, no pain!) between his legs and reached down to find an exposed testicle dangling around his knee. He drove himself to the ER, and was on his way up to us to await surgery.

Hopefully this story will cure your penchant for gruesome tales.

Love, Scully

It is not persecution for an informed person to expose a certain religion as being false. - WT 11/15/63

Skeptic

NN,

I usually look forward to and admire your posts, but I must take exception to this one. Just as jayhawk1 and Andi are sensitive to suicide jokes, your post makes me prick. I am sure you mean no harm, or may even be making a point...

This is a story about a small town named Arnprior, Ontario, Canada. Two JW families, one name Lytle. The Lytles were a wonderful family, and well-loved by the whole town and by myself.

The father, Jack was my best friend and a fine human being. His wife Margaret was a close friend of mine too.

The oldest son and daughter were pioneers, and were selfless people. They both worked tiredlessly for the JW faith and the congregation. They both led model lives. I might add that the son was handsome, and the daughter breathtaking. A real head-turner and heart-stopper. And as Windrider can testify, I don't say that about many women.

The daughter liked to drive cars fast. Yes, I know this makes her less than perfect, but is fairly normal where I come from. Strangely, the religious ones of every faith are the ones that drive the fastest.

Anyway, five of them are zipping along at 100mph on a gravel highway and they hit loose gravel, then a tree. The driver, the daughter, was decapitated. Her brother was killed; two others are killed as well. The fifth person survived, so we know what happened.

There was no alcohol or drugs involved, just a little young adult foolishness.

Two JW families lost two children each in a matter of seconds. The father of the other family, whose name I never learned, committed suicide a few weeks later because he could not handle the grief.

The Lytle's marriage broke up under the strain of the deaths. I remember the look on their faces. The pain on Jack's face when he received the bill for the cremation. The bill brought back vividly the deaths...he hung his head. What could I say to ease his pain? I could do nothing except empathize.

At first, only a modest uology [sic] was going to be printed in the paper. But a kind elder decided that he wanted the town to know that these were not foolish young people. He wanted people to understand the immense goodish of Wendy and Joel, that they were selfless and were trying to use their lives to serve others.

Hundreds of people from Arnprior turned out to the memorial service. The whole town was devestated. Return visits stopped having JWs call because "if God could allow that to happen to such a fine young couple, then I don't want to worship Him." Then the return visits would weep, right there at the door.

It is normal on this board to criticize the JW religion. And yes, in some ways the JW faith made the situation more difficult. But in general, the goodness of the Witnesses came through. Arnprior was a tough, demanding, no-excuses-allowed congregation. Yet, in this time of grief, people pulled together, because the grief was so great it had to be shared. The congregation's response was not perfect, but it did bring out the best in many, if not all.

That was the first time I really mourned a death. Previously, I was not mature enough to understand what it means to lose someone. I grieved intensely for weeks about Wendy and Joel, and about the injustice of it all. That is when I learned how to cope with grief.

It is easy to remember the bad JWs: the hypocritical elder, the gossipy elderette, the judgemental brothers and sisters. But we sometimes forget the good ones, the sincere ones who real are good people. All of the Lytles were really good people.

Sorry if I missed your point, NN. You were probably using irony somehow. 'Cause somehow I don't feel like laughing...

Richard Nazar/Skeptic

Princess

Maybe this is more what Nathan had in mind.

About fifteen years ago, before the Prince and I were married, he came over to visit. I don't think we were even dating then, he was just visiting my older brother. My little brother, about six, had made some gingerbread boys with my mom and they had decorated them. Well the Prince only sees cookies and asked if he could have one. I'm not sure about what happened next, maybe my brother wasn't paying attention because I knew there was no way he would give away one of his gingerbread boys, but the Prince bit the head off of one. Yep, fully decapitated and quite tasty too he said. It took a very long time for my brother to recover. Total meltdown. The Prince felt horrible and bought him a big box of gingerbread boy cookies.

That's my decapitation story, I thought of it as soon as I read your title.

Princess

Mindchild

IF WE CAN KEEP A SEVERED HEAD ALIVE...
Discorporation and U.S. Patent 4,666,425
by Chet Fleming

Think it won't happen? It already has, in medical labs. Transplanted animal heads have lived for days, with sleep cycles independent of the host animal. And perfused isolated brains have been kept alive "almost indefinitely" by coupling their blood supply tubes to living support animals. Don't believe it? Go to any medical library and look up Nature 202: 339, Surgery 70: 135, and Resuscitation 12: 253 for starters. This isn't tabloid trash; this is actual medical research, described by an engineer/patent attorney (graduate of Harvard Law School) who specializes in medical technology.

How long could a severed head remain conscious? Would it feel pain, or be numb below the neck? Why would drug researchers want to do it, to lab animals? And what kinds of people might want this operation, if they were dying and had no other hope of survival, and if they could think and talk and operate computers and machinery, as nothing but a head on top of a blood-processing cabinet?

1988, 6 x 9, 495 pp, illustrated, indexed, hard cover.
Price: $ 15.95

I read this book, pretty weird huh?

Skipper

bboyneko

I don't think the story of the youth killed while driving 100 mph is a tory to admire about JW's..the fact is fundamentalist /cult situations where youth are severely restricted often lead to secret juvenile delinquints. This was true in my congregation. EVERY single teen, ESPECAILLY the ones who were pioneers etc lead crazy double lives probably more wild and reckless than your average 'wordly' youth. Their story is a tragedy, they should not have died for their stupidity, and their parents should not have suffered their loss.

A lesson is repeated until learned...

-Dan

Skeptic

>I don't think the story of the youth killed while driving 100 mph is a tory to admire about JW's..the fact is fundamentalist /cult situations where youth are severely restricted often lead to secret juvenile delinquints. This was true in my congregation. EVERY single teen, ESPECAILLY the ones who were pioneers etc lead crazy double lives probably more wild and reckless than your average 'wordly' youth. Their story is a tragedy, they should not have died for their stupidity, and their parents should not have suffered their loss.
A lesson is repeated until learned...

Hmmm...I must not have been clear. It was mean to be a sad story about two good people, and the good family they were in.

It was not to point out that JWs are good. That was a sidepoint about some JWs being good.

I know Wendy and Joel were not leading double lives. They were sincerely doing what they believed was best. Like every human, they had little quirks that were "naughty". Hers was driving fast. Did the restrictive JW lifestyle contribute to this? Was this her little outlet from some of the pressure? Probably. As we both agree though, many fundie types speed. I do not know why, it is just a personal observation.

If a little "naughtiness" made a person bad, then we are all bad. Everyone has some small vice.

OK, so maybe her vice wasn't so small after all. However, she was not a bad person. She just had bad judgement.

Richard

edward gentry

Hey Nate. Dont be so Goddamn insensitive. I had a friend of my brothers uncle who killed himself by cuttin his own head off with the lid of a baked bean can.Now Im cryin and its brought back all the horrible memories.
I hope your happy.

Skeptic

edward gentry,

I understand how you feel. As you can tell by my previous posts, this thread has brought back unpleasant memories for me as well.

I was surprised by the insensitivity of NN's post as well. I wonder if NN meant it as sarcasim to make a point...

Richard

post your funniest Accidental Decapitation story

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