One of my few JW friends that still talks to me is expressing mega doubt. She is a born-in witness and husband is a servant. The only way I can help her right now is to listen because if she said these things to anyone else they would have her thrown out. She sees the hypocrisy and lack of love within the congregation (so does her husband by the way). She does not say much about doctrinal things because she is like most lifers and just goes along with what ever they spew from the platform, although we have had a few good discussions about Noah (thanks to all the gems I have gotten from you guys) and Job. I have not offered her CoC yet or discussed dates, I don't want to scare her. She sees the "dark side"through me and realizes it is possible and she would actually have a better life. She is college educated and I encourage her to sit through a talk or a WT study, take notes and use her critical thinking skills. Someday I hope to show her Blondie's version, that'll set her straight!
How Would You/Do You Help JWs Think About Possibly Getting Out?
by minimus 15 Replies latest jw friends
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Spook
I think they have to have motivations to leave - in other words they have to think it is a better decision or else be motivated partially by anger or negativity against JW's. The latter will be hard to muster.
I'd say just show them how great life is on the outside. Never ever put up with the pessimism and negativity about life as a normie. I make it a point to always invite people to do things during meeting times.
Quiz people about "new information" they learned at meetings or conventions. The vast majority of people won't be able to identify a single thing. Then ask them why they bothered going.
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Heaven
minimus... excellent question! I am very interested in this. I think how you handle this depends on a number of factors including the person's personality, your relationship to the individual, how many people related to them are in, how close these relatives live to the person, and what the JW elite in their area is like (ie will they be hounded). I am a big proponent of Stephen Covey's work and I try to adopt his advice on how to conduct myself.
For me, I am worried about my father. There are a few other family members that are in but they aren't close in either proximity or relationship wise. He is a very proud person and doesn't always show his emotions. I don't think he is always open with me but he has told me some things that have surprised me... things I wouldn't have thought he would have been open about, especially to me (his daughter). I think this shows that everyone needs someone to talk to who will listen without judging and who will offer concrete suggestions to truly help.
I don't push anything on him, but when he tries to use their doctrines on me I try to show him another opinion or the errors without anger or malice. I ask questions to try to get him to think. I try to use humour as well. One of my goals every time we talk over the phone or get together is to get him laughing. I think this is vital for him. Another thing I have had to do is not let his behaviours and actions destroy our relationship. This has been particularly challenging for me. They have definitely changed our relationship but I have kept in touch with him despite some very unloving actions of his amongst the family. I try to let him know that I am there for him. I always tell him I love him.
One of my primary reasons for coming on JWN is to understand how I can help him should he decide to leave or if they decide to 'kick him to the curb'. He has had warnings in the past. I believe he knows there are problems due to some of his comments. His depression and lack of ambition this past winter has me worried as this is not like him at all. I have also seen his personality and individuality change/withdraw/die off which also worries me. I can always tell when they've had the CO visit or a pep talk as he is all gung ho ... but reality sets in and the energy doesn't last long. His age does not allow him to do the things he once did for the WTS.
Counseling is always a good suggestion but I know with my father it would be difficult to get him to go. He would reject it as 'worldly'. The problem I have with counseling is that I am not sure a lot of counselors are prepared for a JW. I believe there is a need here for specialized counseling regarding cults and deprogramming of people. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find a good counselor? Also, I am open to suggestions as well from the group as to what my next steps should/could be with my father. I think I might suggest counseling if he shows more signs of depression. Thanks, Gang! I really appreciate any suggestions you have.
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minimus
Heaven, I like what you say about humor and keeping things positive. And yes folks---just be there!!!
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minimus
Helping JWs isn't easy. But there has to be more than the suggestions in this thread.
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nbernat
What works for me is ask questions that express doubt and try to ask if anyone knows (as if you're just curious) and say you couldn't find any answers in the Questions from Readers section...and then give a really lame-ass explanation for the answer and though people will think you're stupid they'll secretly have doubts. :P