by oompa 23 Replies latest jw friends
oompa,
after 32 years in the borg, at 53 had to start a new life in the world... lost my marriage of 26 years and oldest
daughter that will not talk to me anymore but i did find some friends ( not as many i had in the organ. )
but real good guys that will be there if you ever need any help.
Life could be lonely but better than being a JW and faking it once you realize it's a lie.
If you love your wife try to make it work and try your best to keep your mouth shut about the watchtower.
Being worldly is a state of mind. You find good people and the bad just as you do within JWs. There is no difference except you find people for what they really are. If they smoke and do dope or screw on their wifes so such are they and at least they're not as decietful as JWs. If you don't like a certain crowd you don't have to hang out with them and you don't have to claim that all are your friends when they are not. JWs claim all are one big family which you know is a bunch of shit. Find friends that suit you and start living a true to yourself life. I'm lucky that my wife is quite good considering she still goes to meetings but otherwise life can be good with a JW wife if she's normal, if she's wacked like some fenatical JWs than I'm sorry you got stuck in a bad merriage. Talk to her and try to make things work otherwise mid life isn't that old to find something better.
With all this silency, you are doing eksakly what the wathtower want you to do, avoide telling JW, they are living in a lie.
so even after you have left them, they are still controlling your life.
controling what you may say, and not to say.
You have the liberty to free speach. a cult may not take what away from you.
and by the way, if people can't accept you as you are, they don't deserve to know you, and a life with out your company, is for sure more borring, whan a life with you. so with the wathtowers pimp politiks, only to give love to people who don't ruin bussiness for them.
but we can allso play what game, if you have not notise it ;)
and it is a lot more fun, to be love as you are, and not love as they can change you to be.
well happy fathers day all:)
oompa, I get what you're saying. I've been there...sometimes I'm still there. As long as you have JW family it will never completely go away.
We've talked and without going into details here, you know my situation. It's a little better than yours in one aspect, but at the same time that disconnect is still there. I've managed (and it ain't easy) to drop all things JW and to focus on other real things. Over time (not just a month or so, but longer, much longer) you bascially rebuild the relationship seperate from the JW world.
You met, you married, you lived...revolving around a JW lifestyle. Now you have to find other common interests to revolve around. You may have to allow your wife to do the JW thing, but when she's not doing that, find things that you both enjoy and concentrate on them. It can be simple things...an interest in music or travel, whatever. Get her more involved in her interests that somehow always got shoved aside for "spiritual" things before. Over time, she might just be more willing to spend less time in JW things and more time in oompa/mrs. oompa things.
As for your JW buddies...you may just have to let them go. It's not you, it's them. Face it...most JW friendships were conditional. I've found that the "good" friends I thought I had weren't so great once I became inactive. A few have remained friends, but even still I don't see them like I used to.
I'm not an out-going, gregarious guy...so I didn't miss the social aspect so much. I think that's were we differ a lot. You need more social contact where I can hang out by myself. I made friends over time outside the JW world. For a fun-loving, out-going guy like you, you shouldn't have trouble getting out and making new friends. You've already met quite a few people from the forum. These are your friends now. You're not alone.
The only advice I'll give you is to take things slow and don't make rash decisions. As torn up as you are, I'm sure your wife is also. So you have to prove, in action, that you still love her. If you do and you want to keep her, prove it by your actions over time. It won't happen over night.
If I may say so.....I think you have a better fit in the world than in the outworldly Jw fantasy........No change in your personal behavior is required to live in the real world. Nor of your moral attitudes......Just be part of where you live......and in many respects....I'm sure you alread are. It's just you're gonna leave some JW rubbish behind.....
How bad can that be?
Cheers
Borgia
if all i have known is jw...i will prob not fit into real world either
Dude, you know us...we're all in the real world. We accept and like you for who you are!
Now let's go to a pub and I'll buy you a beer!
Everyone is different in where they want to fit in. I am not a party animal, so I can fit in with my JW wife and no mutual friends.
It is still tough. I hope you find your place where you fit in comfortably. No matter what, it will suck that something has to be changed and something won't fit right, but strength to you as you seek the best place for Oompa.
okay - how about taking the positive approach and say you'll flourish and fit in beautifully :)
otwo....damm...it is still tough for you?!?!?....and you have the hottie jw wife.....and you are not social.......just think how hard it is for me.....ya...it sucks....and trying to make this all work when i don't fit in anymore is a real puzzler...........starting over is a bitch.....staying where i am is a bitch and not an option......but undercover does make a great point.......he seems to know i am not the patient type......i really need to go slow....not be rash......she can always kick me out later.....i should prob see how it will go if i openly do my own thing.....but crap.....she will hate that and cry a lot.....i may just have to see if she can live with someone like me..........oompa
and thanks loubelle....you always have great advice...you are honest to the core...i know what you really think i should do.......
I agree with Undercover. You have pointed out that you've lost most of your JW friends to one degree or another. It's time to move on (easier said than done, I know).
May I suggest getting involved with some activities that have nothing to do with religion. For example, identify a cause that you believe in--such as Habitat for Humanity or your local soup kitchen. Charities like that are great ways to meet people and forge new friendships. Plus helping other people is good for your emotional health. I don't want to get all "Dr. Phil" on you, but I think spending too much time focusing on yourself isn't healthy. Of course you need to spend some time on yourself, but it should be balanced.
And it's also important to have realistic expectations. You are going to meet some people "in the world" who are great folks; and you are going to meet some who are as judgmental and harsh as any JW. The good thing is that now you have a much larger pool of potential friends from which to draw (7 BILLION instead of 7 million).
Finally, cut your wife some slack. Imagine how you would have felt if she "went apostate" 7 years ago. You would have freaked out, right? For all you know, she may eventually come around. For some people, it takes a long time. It took decades for you! Heck, Ray Franz was in it until he was in his late 50s. As Guns n' Roses said: "all you need is just a little patience."
So, to sum it up: (1) be patient; (2) find a way to occupy yourself that involves helping others; (3) be patient.
Just my $0.02.
