in answer to the last comment on my previous topic, i decided to approach him at his work so there would be witnesses (in case he got aggressive , which i know he can be ) i needed some form of closure as he never actually went to prison for what he did to my daughter but other victims "minor" charges that he admitted to (he had no choice but to admit to them as his wife already knew about 2 of them and the elders knew about 1 )but untill i had reported him to the police after my daughters disclosure nobody had ever reported him before , had they done so my child would not have been raped and much worse ! any way considering he has told everyone that i got my daughter to make up stories about him that has got him a prison sentence and put on the sex offenders registar for life he was very calm when i appeared with no notice and even greeted me by my name , he tried to convince me my child made it all up and it was "all in her head" bla bla which you would think would make me want to hit him but i felt detached as though it was not really happening , i had waited years for that moment and didnt want to blow it by being violent and perhaps arrested , i told him what i thought of him very calmly and he even admitted something to me that he had denied to the police ,and the reason why my childs charges were dropped ! his answer to me about the way he had led his life was that he is an imperfect man with sinful desires !!!!!!! i looked into his eyes constantly while talking to him and he very convincingly told me that not only had i and my child told lies about him but the other 3 women involved had also lied, i dont even know one of them ! there was not a glimmer of a concience until i asked him a question regarding my daughter and he shouted at me that he cared about her !!!!! why should he care if she had made all those stories up about him , his wife is taking him back . he swore to jehovah that his conscience was clear at that point i realised what a pointless waste of time it was trying to get him to admit it and walked away with my clear conscience .
why do you think child molester was so calm in my presence?
by looloo 17 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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truthseekeriam
Reading this just made my blood boil again! I know exactly why he was so calm. He most likely has been doing it for years! Practice make perfect right?
Our story is so similar to yours. Except our child's molester is in prison thankfully for a long time.
The creep also had no problem looking us in the eyes mouthing "he did nothing wrong"
He always wanted to talk to us as if he could talk us out of believing our child. My husband and I came to the conclusion that he must have talked his way out of it dozens of times before, why else would he have the balls to approach the parents of a child he molested.
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ex-nj-jw
he swore to jehovah that his conscience was clear at that point i realised what a pointless waste of time it was trying to get him to admit it and walked away with my clear conscience .
Why would you need your conscience to be clear? You didn't do anything wrong, except not kill the bastard.
I'm sorry your child was abused by this scumbag, I hope she (or he I can't remember) is doing well now.
nj
edited: sorry I just looked back I hope SHE is doing well now
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jamiebowers
He was calm in your presence, because he got away with his crime, both with the judicial system and the congregation.
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OUTLAW
Only a cold hearted prick,would molest a child.........Perhaps your confusing calmness,with coldness......................................OUTLAW
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aSphereisnotaCircle
He has justified it in his own mind, your not going to change that.
I would imagine that he believes that your daughter shares 50% of the blame, this is the JW mindset.
I just hope your daughter doesn't feel that way.
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Lady Lee
WARNING: Some of the following might be difficult for survivors to read so please be kind to yourselves. Understanding how these men think may help you to stop blaming yourself for being abused or as a parent for not protecting your child. But it is kind of hard to read
One other thing: I speak of male abusers but there is no doubt in my mind that female abusers use the same techniques
Many people here know that I was sexually abused by my father and other family members. And many know I worked for many years with adult children if sexual abuse. Both my college and university education was focused on working in this field. There are so many new people here I just thought I would put that out there. So.... that being said I have a lot of experience in the field
The abuse by my father was pre JW so that was not a complication as it was with other family members. As an 11 yr old I reported my father to the police for the sexual abuse. In court he received a $50 fine and a 3 yr suspended sentence (a common sentence 35 yrs ago) and he lost custody of all his children. Years later when I was trying to deal with his abuse I decided to confront him about the abuse. His comment to me was
"If you think I'm going to apologize you're crazy"
Interesting comment that helped me realize many things. He didn't deny it. It was in actuality an admission that something happened. He just felt no conscience about it. He believed he had a right to do what he did to me.
This is the mind of a sociopath. On one level my father knew what he did was illegal. He did and said many things to prevent me from telling about the abuse which went on for 3 years; threats of death to myself or my mother or brothers, threat that I would be held responsible and would be sent to reform school - we are talking about the reform schools of the early 60s and he made sure it looked grim. He knew how to scare me and had no problems beating anyone who didn't agree with him so I had good reason to believe he would make good on any threats he made. So he made sure I was too scared too tell.
While he knew what he was doing was illegal he also believed that he was above that law. He believed he had every right to take what he wanted. He also believed his wants and desires were above my needs and feelings. I was merely a tool to use as he saw fit. Tears had no impact. Fear had no impact. In fact he was not interested in a person. He was interested in sex so only those parts of my body held any value to him. An abuser is only focuses on whatever will get him what he wants - the sexual release. If instilling fear gets him access then he will use that until his main objective is reached. If plying the child with lies about special games is what gets him there then that is what he uses. He knows his victims and knows how to manipulate them. He cares nothing for the person he is abusing. They are merely a means to an end.
He also made sure to not get caught. He would send my brother out to the store or out to play knowing he wouldn't be back for a while.
If a child doesn't immediately tell about the abuse - and some children don't realize it for what it is - he knows that he can continue to abuse that child. The new threat to the child is that they must have wanted it because they didn't tell and they must therefore want it again because they didn't tell. The child winds up believing that because they didn't tell they must somehow be responsible for it
From the moment he touches a child the abuser knows he has to be prepared with something to say if the abuse is ever disclosed. They prepare these statements sometimes years in advance always knowing that one day the truth will come out.
So Here we have a list of the sexual abusive sociopath strategies:
- He knows how to find his victims and gain access to them
- He knows how to ingratiate himself with them and use either a special relationship or fear to control them when he makes that first move
- He knows how to use the relationship or fear to keep them quiet after he has abused them that first time
- He knows that if they don't tell after the first time he pretty much has control over them for future encounters - he can use that to make the child believe they wanted it or are responsible for it
- He knows what he will say if he is ever confronted about the abuse. He is prepared and rehearsed it for years sometimes.
- He truly believes he has every right to use children this way
Feel free to ask questions. I have worked with less than a handful of abusers but then I've had more than a handful of abusers
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OUTLAW
Awwwwwwwwwww..(((LadyLee))).............................OUTLAW
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allelsefails
LadyLee - Thanks I can only imagine your pain, and that of other abuse victims. ....... loolooo - I think the mind of the abuser is always wrapped in the mind of a sociopath. It explains how one can be calm in the face of confrontation. The sociopath has no natural sense of right and wrong, no conscience if you will. It is the absolute self-centeredness that allows them to lie or feel they have the right to whatever they take from others. Many turn out to be serial killers or serial rapists. They just don't have the capacity to have empathy for other living things. All my prayers and love. allelsefails
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wobble-reborn
I don't wish to offend,but I believe "The Bible Student" is un-hinged.I hope he or she is not sending stuff out that will dis-credit legitimate efforts.