Very interesting thread ATJeff started about whether to fade or not. (To Fade or Not to Fade...an Opinion) Thought I would start a new thread with my thoughts, but not hijack his.
Here are my thoughts on my own situation which may or may not reflect anyone else's situation. It is not intended to be a commentary or judgement on what anyone else is doing, thinking of doing, or has done.
I think I will tell my whole story very soon, names and all. This is the ultra-condensed version for the purposes of the fading topic. (well, condensed is relative...1,100 words give or take is condensed for a Snakes post )
As a nearly "born-in" JW I was certainly brainwashed for a long time. The religion had to be the Truth™. Jehovah® had to be using God's Organization© to be doing "his will." As I got older the cracks in doctrine appeared. I used to spend many, many hours studying so-called Bible chronology...but not just from the Watchtower viewpoint. The whole generation thing bothered me, so in the back of my mind since about 1993 or so, there has been this little buzzing in the back of my head about the religion.
I kept at it, went from pioneer/MS.... possible MTS or bethel bound..... to being deleted via petty congregation jealousies....I switched congos... but no fade was possible. Mom and dad still loyal witnesses. I worked hard to get all that I had "lost" ...started pioneering after a year...got reappointed as a MS after 3...got appointed elder in 2001......went to MTS.....realized during the school it was all BS.....got assigned....left after 4 months...went to a new congo....got reappointed again after 10 months as an elder.......and then started what became a 7 year fade.
I only wanted to help my fellow witnesses. I truly cared (and in many ways still do care) about them. I had been lurking here but not registered for several years...even as an elder. My questions about why the chronology did not make sense were answered. When I was deleted as an elder, I knew then what I was going to do...and I knew it had a name.... "The Fade™". I switched congos, quit going out in service (though phantom time reporting continued through August 2007), and then started slowly not attending meetings...missed all CBS's... started slacking on the other midweek meeting.... then dropped it...then started leaving early on Sunday...then missing some.... then quit Sept 2007. I haven't been since. fade nearly complete.
So why have I not just DA/DF? One reason: JW mom. My fade would have been a lot harder had she still been living in the area. My JW dad died in 1994, my JW mom married a non JW in 1997 and moved out of state. She is more liberal than most JWs, but on some things she is still conservative. She has reassured me that she will not shun me. Easier to do when she doesn't live here.
So no I am about to write a DA letter. What has changed? One reason: The new love in my life. Though she and I have only dated for just over a month, we have known each other for 3 years. Unless something drastically bad happens, our relationship is very serious and looks to be long term. She is marginally Catholic because of family ties..and until we started dating would go with her mom to a 6pm Sunday evening service, mostly to keep her mom happy. She has not been since we started seeing each other. (I am the bad association they warn about lol)
Sunday and Monday are our days off work. Monday is she and I day to spend together. Sunday is our family day. It is the day she and I and her 8 year old son spend together. It is time for he and I to get used to each other, for her to see how I do with him, and just spend time enjoying each other's company. It is much more important to her than going to a boring service. She believes in God (and I believe in something, a Creator at best) but agrees with me that we don't need organized religion to get between us and our spirituality. She has visited other churches and she says they only want a) your money and b) the rest of your friends and family. No thanks.
She has done a lot of research on JWs online, though I do not believe she has been here (and since I have posted our pic here and she hasn't mentioned it she probably hasn't been to this site...or she is a lurker...come on out and post hun....lol) She has asked me a lot of questions. I have told her about this site...that it is the equivalent of a support group for ex-JWs and those who are still in but know its all BS.
I have assured her I am never going back to the cult. I also told her why I haven't formally left. She is fine with it. However, I am not. It seems hypocritical to me to be on this site lambasting the Governing Body™ and the Watchtower® Society on one hand, and pretending to be an inactive but good standing Jehovah's Witness™ on the other hand. Since I am not leaving this site, and not changing my opinion about the Governing Body, et al....well....lol
I told her it is only a matter of time before local elders (most who have been close friends, but some who are not) start nosing around...I live near a couple of elders, others drive by occasionally....they will see her car regularly parked in my driveway. We do not hide and why should we? I think it is best that I just write a DA letter stating simply I do not wish to be considered one of Jehovah's Witnesses any more and leave it at that. I just don't want all our personal business in some JC meeting that will eventually be held in absentia.
It will come out anyway by September for reasons I will not get into now. (Hell, I am posting this on the public part of the board..maybe sooner.)
So ....to All Time Jeff's thread about fading...that is why and how I faded...and that is why I will soon quickly and quietly end the fade. I am making the rounds of my closest JW friends that have not yet turned their backs on me.... my goodbye tour if you will. They won't necessarily know it is that until word gets around about my DA. At least they will know why...and that I cared enough to come say goodbye.
As I said, this is the condensed version...one day soon I will post my entire story as a multipart thread. I am writing it as I have time.
Snakes ()