Yes, I am enjoying realizing the truth about the truth.
But there is another side to it. I always did look forward to the paradise earth. The world as we know it didn't seem to me to be the way that God intended it to be. I know I was brainwashed, but it felt good believing that all the bad things would be changed. Those diseases and accidents that killed people, or if not, the old age with people losing their dignity wearing diapers and slowly forgetting everything. People that are paralyzed or deaf or blind. The people that died in the Holocaust. All resurrected, all healthy, all living forever.
I enjoyed talking about the New System with other JW's. I go camping and backpacking occasionally, and our group used to talk for hours about what we will do in the New System. It seemed true, that God had a purpose for us to live forever and learn and grow. Petting the lions was just a little part of it. I didn't worry about the details, because I believed that Jehovah God would work that out of course.
You know, that was probably the only Kingdom song that really made me emotional. "If you Keep your Eyes on the Prize." Remember that one? "When eyes of blind ones see again, when ears of deaf ones hear again."
And now what? What do we have to look forward to? Those of us that spent our youth pioneering, making sacrifices for the Kingdom, waiting and waiting for Armageddon so we could have our huge family and live forever, no more death.
And now I know that one day I will be in a nursing home somewhere, yes in diapers, yes forgetting who everyone is, yes losing my mind. Or if I am fortunate, I will die in my sleep before that. But it's not likely.
That's why even though I saw so many inconsistencies over the years, I didn't accept it. I wanted to believe it. I wanted it to be true.
Now what? Most of the time I enjoy life, but sometimes its just sad to think there is no paradise on earth around the corner.
What about you? Similar thoughts?
BF