Begining of the end

by voltaire 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  uncle jimbo

  Hi voltaire-

  You are in a sticky situation, my friend. And really, there are only 4 options:

  1) you could go back (not likely. but, there are LOTS of people who fake it for MANY YEARS with a great deal of success, just going through the motions)

  2) you could leave your wife (not very plesant either. this is like abandoning her to the wolves.)

  3) your wife could leave you (the elders WILL urge her to do this if you decide to "get some things off your chest" in a meeting with them. Or if you trip up while walking through the minefield they will set for you. Thet will try to get you to say something to hang you with. Plus, 2 on 1 is NEVER fair. That is why meeting with the elders is VERY risky no matter how good you think you are in a debate.)

  or

  4) you could get your wife out too. And this method involves interacting with her, to convince her to make a major life change. And that is hard to do if you are DF'd or DA'd (the likely outcome from meeting with the elders, period). And if you get DA'd or DF'd, she will probably leave you anyhow.

  The best option for that is the slow fade, which involves:

  1) avoiding meeting with the elders. Or if they pin you down, then make sure your wife is there as a witness.

  2) Explain (only if cornered) your decreased activity as "really busy right now" or "kind of depressed right now." Ephasize that you plan to return to full activity "real soon." Try to stay non-specific as possible.

  With slow fade, you give yourself opertunity to keep your wife and get you both out too. Slowly introduce "new light" about the organization to her. Always frame it as a question, something "Gee honey, I just don't understand this. Could you explain it to me." Plenty of examples out there for this.

  but, GO SLOWLY S-L-O-W-L-Y. This "new light" about the organization will trigger built-in programming to shut down her mind. But, it can be done. it will not be easy, but there are plenty of resoruces out there to help you, including the collective wisdom on this board. Hope this helps. sorry about the length. but, I have personally heard experiences of those who went in "guns-a-blazin" and regretted it later. Even some I know personally.

  It makes me angry that you have to be lie and decieve. But, the GB and WT are the masters of deception. Remember, these amoral assholes will shield child molesters who rape innocent children because it hurts their booksales. It is a "spiritual warfare." They even condone lying when it serves their twisted ends. The elders do not care if they make your wife leave you -- they only care about $$$$ from the booksales. but, no matter how angry this makes you, DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE ANGER AND LASH BACK AT THEM. This puts them in control over you. Instead, vote silently with your feet (like so many are today) and stay in control.

  You said you want to go your own way. They will let you go your own way, but will make you wish you didn't. I can only advocate that you weigh the consequences before you act.

  but the choice is ultimately yours.

  uncy

  [edited to fix a few typos and to give credit to JT. He has the BEST advice when it comes to this subject. but, he would say something like this. Only he is a silky smooth brother so it would sound much better. :-)
• 

  Frenchy

  The saying that: "Freedom is not free." is a great truth. Many of us here, like Path, are very tired of ducking and dodging. However, as I'm sure you've noticed from the responses you've received, the 'slow fade' is the preferred method of withdrawal.

  Your wife is still in and whatever chance you have of getting her out will fade to practically nothing once you are da'd or df'd. If you want to say something to the elders, choose one thing and formulate it as a question.

  I would not recommend that you tell them about celebrating Christmas.
• 

  voltaire

  A few comments in reply:

  Erik,

  You asked how I feel about Christmas. I don't really feel there is a "Truth". After investigating the origins of the org., I see it as just another religion. I must admit that I do feel a bit strange about it all. But in the end, the celebrations just seem like customs that people engage in when they want to be with their friends and loved ones. The JWs have their own superstitions and rituals that they've created in order to set themselves apart. (This looks like a tactic buy Rutherford to cut ties with Russell and consolidate his own power) I'll just remind myself that Russell celebrated Christmas, too.

  Most of you prefer the slow fade. I feel like I'm in a bit of the slow fade process already and I don't like it very much. About a year ago I took a job working evenings, which got me off the hook for 2 out of 3 meetings. At the time I was just begining to realize that I couldn't give another ministry school talk. I started only doing street work. No trying to convince anyone of anything, just hand out a few mags. (BTW, I think a lot of brothers go this far and stop. They're in denial. They can't admit to themselves that something is wrong. But on an instictive level, they feel compelled to limit their association. What is taken for "discouragement" is probably more often as not an inner, unspoken realization that it's not really the truth) This in-between feeling of being able to associate with brothers, but knowing that they wouldn't want to be with you if you actually said what was on your mind is really odd, and in someways stressful. Brothers invite us over occasionally and I love them dearly. We had a great time recently. My wife and I went with another couple to a restaurant where a sister sings. The food was great (Latin, Mexican) But the following day I was a bit depressed. It took me a while to realize why. It reminds me of the U2(?) song,"I can't live with or without you". Staying or leaving is painful. Leaving is starting to look more attractive for several reasons. (1) I can be open and honest, albeit respectful, about my differences. I think I'll feel good about that.(2) If they disfellowship or even mark me, I'll be free to associate with my friends. I feel that I'll have the moral highground. I certainly won't want to go to meetings, so I'll do things with people who accept me for who I am. I've already accepted that my wife may or may not stay, and I'm OK with that. Again, I feel confident that I'm in the right. I'll simply be following my conscience and doing what I think is right. If she can't allow me that, so be it. Thanks again for the chance to talk and your helpful comments.
• 

  LDH

  Voltiare,

  Honesty is a good thing.

  However, you have just been placed 'under arrest.' You have Miranda Rights.

  "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to be speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense."

  Anything you say can and will be used against you in a kangaroo court of law.

  You have the right to SAY NOTHING.

  You do not have the right to defend yourself once you open yourself up to this form of Theocratic warare, the 'Judicial Committee.'

  Lisa
  Don't say anything Class
• 

  TR

  Voltaire,

  I guess your exit strategy depends on whether or not you have close family and friends you care about still "in". If you have nothing to lose, hit them with both barrells, and the same with the WTS. I sent them a scathing letter denouncing all of their hypocritical and immoral teachings and practices.

  TR

  I'm gonna make mince meat outta that Osama!