Dear Jw's -
I was, not too long ago, one of you. I really was. I loved Jehovah, and his organization. I loved the brotherhood too - more than life I think. I would have taken a bullet for any one of you. I honestly ate, slept, and dreamed being a 'faithful' witness. I was too. I started wanting to be a Jw at the tender age of four. I read the Bible all the time, avoided all holidays, even dressed like a little Jw - all of that in spite of having parents who were 'not doing anything about the truth'.
When I was about 14 I finally tired of no support from my family - I got up one hot summer day, left a note on the table, and dressed in my best clothes, rode my bicycle the 10 miles that separated my home from the Kingdom Hall. I took my green NWT Bible with me, and the latest copy of the Watchtower for the meeting. I arrived early, parked my bike, and went inside. Though it was 'impressive' to many of the adult Jw's there that day - no one offered me a ride back home. But my ride was filled with glee, realizing that I had 'pleased Jehovah' by spending my day that way. When I arrived home, my mom was pleased with my choice that day - I think it soothed her pained conscience in some way that her eldest son was showing spiritual promise. Nonetheless nothing changed in terms of parental support.
A year or so later [and in retrospect I have to wonder why it took a year to react to my obvious interest in the religion], a fine young man came to the house, started a Bible study with me, and began to pick me up for meetings, service and association. I was heavily love bombed then for a while, and by the age of 17 had decided to 'dedicate my life to Jehovah'. I began to 'unofficially' pioneer before I was baptised - often putting in close to the 'pioneer' hours needed, though still in high school. Immediately after baptism, in January of 1973, I began to 'vacation pioneer'. Then when allowed, six months after I was baptised, I began to 'regular pioneer'. A couple of years later I was 'appointed' a Ministerial Servant.
This pattern continued for a long time. I was faithful to the Governing Body, whom I believed cared for the 'earthly interests' of God. I had a couple periods of inactivity over the years, but I never failed to believe that we had 'the truth', that 'Jehovah was blessing his people', or that 'the end is just around the corner'.
Now - I am 53 years old. I have left the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses. I still live with the basic values that we were taught as Jehovah's Witnesses. I do not steal, lie or cheat. I am industrious. I love my family. I believe, looking back, that no matter what religion my family would have promoted within me, I would have adopted similar values as those. Those attitudes and values are not at all unique to Jehovah's Witnesses, not even to Christianity, not even to religion. Yet, I respect that those values are taught to Jehovah's Witnesses. But, I did not leave because Jehovah's Witnesses are not good, honest people. For the most part, they are good people.
In fact, it is that inherent goodness, and love of people that moves me as I write. I was just like you. I am still just like you. A human being in the midst of life that was bestowed upon me, looking to make meaning of it all somehow. Wanting to believe that I am not just a random particle in a random universe. That somehow I matter, just a little bit.
In your meetings, in your publications, in your private and public discussions, you paint me, and all others who have left your religion with a broad brushstroke. You label me 'Apostate', part of the 'Evil Slave', one who has 'fallen to the Devil's ways'. You may attribute to me actions that are totally incorrect. You do it without understanding anything that has motivated me to leave your religion. When you see me in public, you shun me. You drive past my home in your 'field service' and point out my supposed failings, how it was that I lost the battle with Satan and 'fell away' and then 'rebelled against Jehovah'. But it is what you don't do that is significant here. You don't even ask me why. You don't call, or write a letter, or send an email and ask me 'what happened Jeff?'. Nope. You just gossip and slander and shun me.
I was just like you. I wanted 'life' so badly, and thought I had found a key to it. I did not want anything to disrupt that peaceful hope of a paradise earth, and me in it. I fantasied at what that would be like. I held off all my dreams and hopes and ambition in anticipation of the 'real life' in the new world. That new world has been 'just around the next corner', in my case, since around 1959. I know of some Jehovah's Witnesses who anticipated that wonderful new world since the 20's and 30's. One sister used to like to boast that 'Pastor Russell patted me on the head when I was just 6 years old'. She had been waiting since before that date for the new world. She of course is long since dead. The newborn babies that you have heard at the district conventions this summer will soon be repeating the same phrase - 'Look at the world conditions - why Jehovah must be nearly ready to usher us into that new world.' Not too long from that, in the scheme of things, their grandchildren will be saying the same as they watch that loving grandparent grow old and die. And it will go on for generation after generation. I won't know it - nor you - we will have long been 'dust returned to the dust'.
So, why do I write this? What profound changes allowed me to 'leave Jehovah'? What is my life like as an 'Apostate', an 'Opposer' to the 'Truth'? How can I go on, expecting just to grow old and die? Do I have no hope?
Well, those are tough questions. Books could be written in reply, couldn't they? Let me try and clarify, just a little.
Let me start with what is NOT TRUE!
I did not ever intend to 'Leave Jehovah'. I left an organization that I found to be beyond repair. To fill the void I felt, I sought God for a time in the churches. I found those churches to be much like the Kingdom Hall. Many fine men and women gathered there each week, or several times a week, to seek God's understanding, pray for his guidance, and discuss their view of what 'the world was coming to'. Most of them had the same hope I did - to live. They most often expected to live in heaven when they died - kind of minor detail I guess. Some of them expected, as we did, to live on earth at some point. Almost all of them were kind, respectful, loving people - very much like the ones I had left behind at the Kingdom Hall. There was no evidence that these people were being lead by the demons anymore than those at the Kingdom Hall were being so lead. Over time, it is true, that my general discontentment with religion fueled a sentiment that all religion was similar, probably mislead from anything that God would have ever intended. I soon left off the search. But there was no active leaving of God - ever. In fact - I left the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses precisely for the opposite reason - to seek God, for the God I had come to love could not ever be found in an organization that had become so corrupted. For details at to my specific reason for leaving, please see my letter of disassociation.
http://jwfacts.com/experiences/akjeff.htm
I am not an Opposer - especially of 'Truth'. I love truth. I seek it where it may be found, comfortable or painful. I disdain falsehood. It matters not where the falsehood originates to me.
I have hope. But not in heaven on earth. Nor in heaven. I have hope that is private. Hope that my family will lead full and happy lives for example. Hope that soon mankind will find solutions to terrible afflictions that rob millions of healthy lives. Hope that we will find solutions to many problems that frustrate people from finding happiness. I do not hope for a paradise earth that can only be obtained by God killing off billions of his creation so that a handful can live. I do not hope that my 'unbelieving' family will die soon, since that is the 'only way I can be sure' that they will be with me in paradise. I hope they live not die. Yet I know they will. I will recall them with gratitude. Someday I will die too, and hope that a few members of this earthly society will remember the good I did too.
I am an Apostate, by definition. That word is not a dirty word. In fact, Jehovah's Witnesses promote 'apostasy'. What I mean by that is: You go out and encourage people to look for faults in their religion, and then to leave that religion and join Jehovah's Witnesses. That act of leaving one's religion - no matter what the religion - is 'Apostasy' by definition. Many, if not a majority of Jehovah's Witnesses, are apostates from other religions. My leaving Jehovah's Witnesses is an apostate action. But it is not any more evil than the act of a Catholic or Buddhist leaving his religion and joining yours.
What do I hope to gain by posting this Open Letter?
In it's simplest terms - That you will understand a few fundamentals about us "Apostates".
- We are just like you - with one small difference - we are 'former' Jehovah's Witnesses. You may join us someday, who knows?
- There is no 'Evil Slave Class' - no 'Apostate Nation' of 'Opposers' to your faith. We are individuals - we are not an organization, structured to 'Oppose' Truth.
- Many of us were very strong Jehovah's Witnesses. We are not just the 'weak and beggarly' ones who lacked faith. We left for a reason - or multiple reasons - those reasons can be explored if you have the guts to do that. Or ignored if you prefer. I love freedom - even for you - if you chose to ignore my reasons for leaving - So Be It. But understand and respect that I left after careful investigation - not because I was overcome by Satan.
- Some are now religious. Some are gay. Some are patriots. Some are republican. Some are democrat. Some donate blood. Others don't. Some work for charities. Some are party animals. Some are drunkards. Some are upstanding citizens. Others are not. Some of us will die this year. Some of us will die later. We weep when we loose loved ones. We rejoice when we see a child born. We laugh like you. We hurt like you do. We get cancer. We get divorced sometimes - just like you do. We pat our dogs, and clothe our children, and wash our cars, and go to work and pay our bills - just like you do. We are just like you.
- The only difference is in our opinion about the 'Truth'. Almost to a person, we don't believe you have it. Almost to a person, we don't believe we have it either. At least not fully.
I can't speak for all the others here - I am not their spokesman - though I have taken a few broad liberties in stating what I have seen here.
I will say this: Anyone, on this board, or from anywhere, Jehovah's Witness or not, who shows respect and kindness, is welcome in my home, or on my phone. I only ask this: Before you judge me - question me. Personally. Face to face. Have the honesty to ask me why I left. Don't slander me [or others who have left] with broad judgements about our motives, when you don't really know them personally.
So here's my challenge to you Jehovah's Witnesses that read this: If you know of an 'Apostate' in your area - go ask him why he left. Don't assume what you don't know. You just might find that he is far better informed than you believe he is. If you are afraid to do that in person - then write him an anonymous letter or email - or call him on the phone and don't give your name. Ask him to keep it quiet - I bet he will. But judge him on what he says, not on the slander you hear about him. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
That's it. I doubt my mailbox will fill up tonight from what I wrote here. Likely I will not hear from a single Jw. My phone won't ring off the hook. But maybe, somewhere, someone will find the heart to treat a former member of their religion as just that - a former member of your religion. Why should that be so hard to do?
Love
Jeff